Donald Trump wants to govern by closing everything.  You know, like America and the internet.

Trump is convinced that the internet is to blame for the organization of Isis.

“We’re losing a lot of people because of the internet,” Trump said. “We have to see Bill Gates and a lot of different people that really understand what’s happening. We have to talk to them about, maybe in certain areas, closing that internet up in some ways. Somebody will say, ‘Oh freedom of speech, freedom of speech.’ These are foolish people.”

I dunno.  Maybe I am one of those stupid people Trump keeps referring to but I don’t think that Bill Gates can shut down the internet, even by presidential edict.  Believing that would be … well, I hate to say it, but dog dump stupid.  Bill Gates builds computers, not the internet.  That would be like blaming Thomas Edison for Rush Limbaugh.

As I best recall, my stupid history teachers pointed out that there were wars before the internet.  I do not know how Hannibal went over the Alps without Facebook, but he did it.  I do think General Grant probably used Twitter, though.

Yeah, Bill Gates owns the internet.  He also has all those socks you lost in the washing machine.

I do owe America an apology.  I have used my freedom of speech to say foolish things and Donald Trump caught me.  Oh boy, just wait until he sees how I’ve used my freedom of association.  It’s gonna blow his mind.