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If somebody’s looking to buy a politician, Texas Governor Rick Perry announces the Grand Opening of Slick Rick’s Overnight Delivery Service.

Three years after Gov. Rick Perry’s biggest real estate score, questions persist about whether the governor benefited from favoritism, backroom dealing and influence-buying.

The Dallas Morning News found evidence that Perry’s investment was enhanced by a series of professional courtesies and personal favors from friends, campaign donors and the head of a Texas family with a rich history of political power-brokering.

Together they may have enriched Perry by almost $500,000, according to an independent real estate appraisal commissioned by The News.

“Step right up and take a gander at Slick Rick’s overnight Delivery Service.”

“It works this way,” Juanita the Huckster explains, “You pay the man; the man delivers.  What does the man deliver?  What ever you want!  You want laws to protect your profits?  He delivers!  You want a build a road right through the middle of Texas and name it Frenchy things?  He can get you that!  You want to sell your new medicine to all Texas pre-adolescent virgin girls?  Slick Rick delivers!”

Juanita steps away from the appointment table that she was using for a podium, puts down the hairbrush microphone and announces, “I cannot take it any more.  He brings shame to Texas.  Evict Rick, y’all.”

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