Hell, Y’all, It’s Mississippi
The bad news about the Thad Cochran / Chris McDaniel senate race in Mississippi is that one of them is going to win.
The good news is that the election isn’t until June 24th so we get some more free entertainment until then.
First, Cochran told the worst kept secret in Mississippi.
“It was fun, it was an adventure to be out there in the country and to see what goes on,” he said of his boyhood visits to Hattiesburg. “Picking up pecans, from that to all kinds of indecent things with animals.”
The audience chuckled.
“And I know some of you know what that is,” Cochran said.
Mississippi: where men are men, girls are girls, and sheep are scared.
Well, I imagine that he’s going to be met with lots of “baaaaa” sounds in the halls of congress now, so he went on the attack. Cochran is making sure that his opponent, McDaniel, a radio talk show host, has some ‘splainin’ to do to the Steeple People.
I can almost promise you that this ain’t the end of the dirty talk. It ain’t considered a good Republican race in Mississippi unless everybody is feeling a little frisky by election day.
Thanks for bringing humor to my weary day here in very conservative Austin County.
1Old joke: “He majored in Animal Husbandry until someone caught him at it.”
2But if it was consensual as far as the animals were concerned, I suppose Cochran will claim it’s okay and that he shouldn’t need to register as a sex offender.
3Somewhere, in a dark, dank dungeon in Pennsylvania lit only by the flickering flames of votive candles in front of the portraits of Ronald Reagan and Torquemada, a porcine figure with bland features and a sweater vest suddenly awakens. Its ears perk up; its red-rimmed eyes search the Internet; its nose scents the air for perversion.
And a chilling howl echoes off the walls of the Sanctum Santorum.
4So Mississippi politicians proudly flaunt their depravity? Gawd a’mighty, it’s like another world down there. Up North, they at least try to hide it. Not sure which is worse, now that I think about it.
5Such a good chuckle from this line: Mississippi: where men are men, girls are girls, and sheep are scared.
Oh, DaChip … just the mention of his sanctimonious name is enough to awaken the beast and let the Santorum bleating begin!!
6Let’s see: McDaniel is openly contemptuous of women and uses racist language in being so.
Cochran admits to bodily familiarity with animals.
If we could prove Cochran confined his sexual aspirations to sheep and was respectful to women, I think I’d vote for him over McDaniel, except that since they’re both Republicans, neither of them will get anything but a horselaugh from me (and Cochran? This old gray mare has a kick that will permanently reduce your ability to bother sheep. Or cows. Or whatever it was.)
7Ohforgawdsake, Thad! Really?!
8I’m embarrassed. Or disgusted. Not sure which.
9I vaguely remember my late husband humming some sort of tune he called “Mississippi Mud.” Could never understand the attraction, but then he graduated LSU and they regularly played Ole Miss on the gridiron once a year on a day when strange things happened such as the cop and the police dog that raced down an alley to stop a fight and were never seen again!
10Between the GOP ‘choices’, MS is pretty much screwed. As the argument between the kinky old boy and the misogynist ramp up, as Howard Dean would say, the Democratic Party needs to view every election as a probable win.
Give voters in Mississippi a chance; give them a Democratic choice.
11That’s the problem with having your own radio show and hanging out with Glenn Beck, you tend to leave a recorded trail!
On the plus side, these two have made people forget about Todd Akin. As we say in Missouri, “Thank God for Mississippi!”
As always Chipster, you bring a tear to my eye.
12If this is a right-of-passage for young southern men. I am please to have nothing to do with it. Sometimes to much information is a bad thing.
13daChipster, you really oughta include that paragraph in a novel. It is positively graphic.
14daChipster: Love the “sweater vest” detail.
15Corprolite-may I introduce you to Neal Horsley-former wingnut candidate for governor of Georgia and his first girl friend-a mule? http://crooksandliars.com/john-amato/neal-horsley-mule-loving-republican-can
16Hey, it is Mississippi after all. Phil Ochs probably said it best way back when. Not much has changed.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X6MSF88UVBc
17You guys have maligned sheep. Mississippi is not known for raising sheep. The Republican Mississippi animals of choice are pigs and chickens. Geez. Why do Democrats not understand Republican depravity?
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