Greg Abbott
Following news that when people were demonstrating in front of the White House, Donald Trump seriously asked why he couldn’t order that they be shot (but only in the legs!), Greg Abbott has decided that Texas can and should declare war on Mexico.
The governor of Texas is considering an incendiary plan to declare the record surge of illegal migration at the US southern border an “invasion” and invoke war powers to tackle the crisis in a direct challenge to the federal government.
There’s only the slight problem that Texas doesn’t have an army. Or a well regulated militia for that matter. Hell, the University of Texas doesn’t have much of a football team this year so I wouldn’t count on any linemen to hold the front line.
Come on, Mexico today, Oklahoma tomorrow?
Abbott could get himself one of those Supreme Leader outfits and a 15 gallon cowboy hat with a big ole star on it and a solar panel so it lights up in the dark. He could replace his wheelchair with a chariot and a couple of feral hogs to pull it. Florida Governor Ron DeSantis would be aquamarine with envy. Hell, Honey, DeSantis couldn’t even take Mississippi. I’ve got a crisp $20 bill that says Florida couldn’t even beat Mississippi in a spelling bee. But Texas, bygawd, can go to war alone and afraid against Mexico.
Day and night, the Governor ain’t bright, Deep in the heart of Texas.
This stuff is simply embarrassing! Even to those of us from other goofball states!
1Not mine, of course, I’m a sauterne sitizen!
Like nearly all Americans, I thought only the federal gov’t could declare war but I guess having wrapped in successes in the War on Christmas and War on Drugs the GQP is looking for yet another battlefield. I do have to say I am surprised that eyes weren’t upon Oklahoma.
You’ll know the Tex-Mex war is heating up when you hear Kellyanne Conway is stockpiling “alternative facts” and TFG’s spray tan team gets a no-bid contract to do camo face paint in the Tex-Mex war. We’ll also need some kind of battle cry or slogan, but damfino what that’ll be. Early nominees include “Eat Queso of Die!” and “Ariana Grande!”.
Ted Cruz – resplendent in multi-pocketed vest and binoculars – will provide counterintelligence from his secret headquarters in a Mexican resort using his “children” as couriers.
Upside risks for Texas in this war: None.
Downside risks for Texas in this war:
– Mexico comes down hard on the trade deal and Texans have to downgrade from salsa to catsup (or ketchup, depending on which way your vine hangs).
– TFG visits the state, declares any city beginning with “El” to be an enemy stronghold, and causes a Texas civil war (an unexpected but pleasant change from Texas’ prior wars about slavery)
– Shortages drive people to add beans to their chili
– Desantis, green with envy, decides to attack Puerto Rico and steals some of the spotlight.
– Fox’s Carlson, Hannity, Ingraham, Cain, & Angle (Team CHICA) get caught on tape griping that this is really all A-butt’s fault and attempts to blame the war on Biden, Obama, or Hillary are failing. (Someone leaks a phone call where Cruz is trying to blame JFK.)
I’ll report back from the front as the situation develops….
AlanInAustin
2It gets worse, In case you missed it:
“Soldiers on the Texas border who die are getting a fraction of death benefits they should because of how they were called up. If they were on federal duty, their families would get $100K immediately to help with burials/funerals/etc”
https://www.houstonchronicle.com/politics/texas/article/As-injuries-climb-National-Guard-troops-on-Texas-17141367.php
3I doubt Mexico would send troops to fight the Abbott Army. So will Abbott then attack the only thing there is to attack, civilians crossing the river?
Can we send him to The Hague to be tried for war crimes?
4In related news, Governor Abbott’s border shutdown stunt not only cost Taxpayers $240 million but just lost the state billionOf dollars in future revenue as México will now route its new railway to the New Mexico instead of Texas, saying it needs a “reliable partner.”
Mexican Economy Minister Tatiana Clouthier said. “We can’t leave all the eggs in one basket and be hostages to someone who wants to use trade as a political tool.”
Huge job and revenue losses all so Greg Abbott could have his 15 minutes on Tucker. All while Operation Lone Star, which is already costing Texans more than $2 billion a year, continues to deplete the treasury.
5Two feral hogs pulling a pig – Priceless.
6Abbutt had to one up desantis. Desantis has his war with Disney (among others) but abbutt had have a war with a country, Mexico (and DC). He’ll probably justify not getting the rail route through Texas because it would be another way to have illegal immigrants, drugs and rapists sneak into his “country”.
7I assume he can’t afford to do anything with that power grid issue, but that doesn’t really affect him personally so why would he care.
Greg seems to be running very scared well in advance of the election. Is there something besides the voters choice he is afraid of being made public ??
8Makes me think back to “Viva Max”. Where is Harry Morgan (the sane one among the Texans) when you need him?
Seems I remember from 7th grade Texas history that TX retained the right to have a Navy when joining the US. Does Abbott have some cronies he might be throwing shipbuilding contracts at?
9Ms DeVious could ask her brother to send his mercenaries to help out .
10