Go Ahead And Look Now Because This Is the Worst Thing You Will See All Day. You Might As Well Get It Over With.

October 26, 2016 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

I do not know where my customers hang out when they are not here, but I can tell you it’s probably not anywhere good.

I kinda have proof of this.  One of them sent me this.

Take a deep breath before you click it because it is – literally – balls for your heavy artillery.  No, I am not kidding and no, I am not putting a picture here.  You click the button, you win the prize of seeing this thing.

For only $39.99, your gun can have what you don’t – balls.

They come in two colors, of course, black and “flat, dark earth.” I do not want to talk about color selection, but I will say there are no old white ones because they couldn’t find a damn model of them at the last NRA convention.

Thanks to our trashy friend Marion for the heads up.

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0 Comments to “Go Ahead And Look Now Because This Is the Worst Thing You Will See All Day. You Might As Well Get It Over With.”


  1. If there was ever a reason for NOT having a Picatinny rail on your handgun or rifle, THAT just skyrocketed to Numero Uno.

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  2. Sam in San Antonio says:

    Isn’t this the reason many gun nuts need their gun?

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  3. Why so small?

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  4. I can think of some so called journalists that could use some

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  5. OMG— Just when I thought I had seen it all. Is this, For the male that is short some thing??

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  6. That Other Jean says:

    As spoken by Tom Lehrer, in a voice dripping with sarcasm:

    “JUST the thing I need! How nice!”

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  7. IDK Rasty, I’m wondering if I’d want to see the one designed for females…maybe not.

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  8. Sorry, I have to ask – what’s a pickatinny rail? Ive heard of (that word with an “n” instead of a “t”) but is that what they’re talking about?

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  9. Polite Kool Marxist says:

    There’s a connection there. Something between gun fondlers and Tea Baggers.

    But … I’ll stop there because I detect the pitter patter of Mama’s feet and the aroma of soap.

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  10. Larry from Colorado says:

    I’ve seen larger one swining from the trailer hitch on trucks.

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  11. @BillR
    I Can’t speak to a “pickatinny rail”, but a Picatinny rail, aka tactical rail is a mounting interface to allow lights, grips, and other manner of accessories to mount on one’s rifle or handgun. See https://www.rockriverarms.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=category.display&category_ID=205

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  12. @Larry from Colorado
    As have I. Usually driven by a guy that really should know better.

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  13. For the gun owner who has ALMOST everything…

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  14. If you think this might be sick, Imagine what der Donald would have for his hand grip accessory. He is rich and famous there for should be able to grab his piece anyway he wants to. Just ask him.

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  15. Sandridge says:

    Once one has seen the massive danglers on the gigantic King Ranch Santa Gertrudis bulls, there are probably no domestic cojones of any type or species that can impress one afterwards.
    (seen at various RGValley stockshows with 4H/FFA kids)

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Santa_Gertrudis_cattle

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  16. Well, we’ve always suspected that those gun owners were symbolically compensating. I’m just surprised that it’s gone so literal.

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  17. Sadly the info “proudly made in America” is probably true.

    A lot of Americans are way too proud about things they should not be proud of.

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  18. Polite Kool Marxist says:

    Texas, I feel I must warn you. Loathsome Teddie Crooze will probably run for re-election. If so, be prepared for Teddie sporting a pair, when he machine guns his bacon. Yes, just when you hope the images can’t get any worse, remember the snacilbupeR are not extinct. Yet.

    Yet. Our word of hope for the day.

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  19. That is just strange and bizarre. I don’t know what else to say.

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  20. e platypus onion says:

    Say pickaninny and you might just get a rail and a quick ride to the old oak tree.

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  21. Marion (formerly known as MM) says:

    You’re welcome!

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  22. treehugger says:

    I expect the people who have one of these also have the trailer hitch décor of the same design on the backs of their trucks.

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  23. Marge Wood says:

    Laughing. We have a pair of big green boxing gloves left over from some four year old. Maybe they could be used in tandem.

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  24. @EPO
    Wow am I ever S L O O O W on the uptake today! Insufficient blood in my caffeine stream I suspect.

    @BillR
    Sorry. I’m not good with subtlety. Gotta hit me across the face with it. Hard. Usually twice.

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  25. Well… They have them for pets…

    http://www.neuticles.com/index.php

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  26. JAKvirginia says:

    OMG! Then there really are gun “nuts”!

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  27. My dear wife has an anomalous weird streak. When we pull up alongside a jacked-up pickup, she sweetly says to the driver “I’m sorry your weinie is so small…” and I drive away.

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  28. Ormand, your wife is my kind of woman!

    Ya gotta wonder about the snacilbupeR, tea bagger, wing nut, ammosexual manic obsession with sex. Those poor slobs have no idea the level of their f**kedupedness or that this little item only ratchets that level higher up. We need to herd those people through the secret underground tunnels to the empty Walmarts for brain transplants. They might behave better if they have one. Brain, that is.

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  29. John Peter Henson says:

    They better be carefull. On some guns these would be considered forward grips. ATF might be laughing as they arrest you. Still the vision of someone cupping these as they shoulder their weapon……

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  30. Aggieland Liz says:

    Well y’all, we’ve been suggesting at great length and for years that the firearm fetish is nothing but another psycho substitution for what Nature did not provide. This is proof positive that the damn things are just strap ons! Now more anatomically correct than ever before! Ju-das pr-iest! Nice to have our suspicions confirmed though!

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  31. Well, that just backs up what we always thought!

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  32. Mah Fellow Murkuhn says:

    Barnum seriously underestimated the timing.

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  33. I do want to talk about color selection.

    These come in black and brown? For Repubs? Are they afraid that white ones would be less than impressive?

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  34. charles r. phillips says:

    $39.99 for THAT? Grow a pair and save the money, wannabes!

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  35. Lunargent says:

    Re:#25

    Pets now need testicular implants in order to maintain their self-esteem?
    Well, okay then.

    One of the many things that I was so much happier not knowing…

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  36. two crows says:

    Arrrrrrghhhh! I should have known better! You warned me, JJ, but I didn’t listen. And now there’s not enough eye bleach IN THE WORLD to un-see that.

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  37. I am just stunned that the irony of this item in Drumpf’s Amerikkka (cause you *know* no Hillary voter needs one of these) is…
    Confounding.

    All it needs is the bipod hanging down on both sides…

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