Gay Marriage Leads To Drunk Driving
Congressdrunk Don Dwyer, a Republican from Maryland has a bit of a oopsy problem. He drinks. A little while back he pled guilty to operating a boat while drunk. And not operating it very well because he crashed it and injured seven people. The boat was named “The Legislator,” so we should have expected nothing less than a crashing and injuring event.
October 25th is his court hearing on the drunk while boating.
But, Don’s problem is not alcohol. No, siree. Don’s problem is those damn gay people who make him drink.
Ya see, last week at 2:45 am he was stopped on the highway due to erratic driving. He failed three field sobriety tests.
But this ain’t his fault, y’all.
First he blamed his failing marriage. It’s wimmen’s fault, y’all. But then he had a doozy. The reason he drinks is because he feels “betrayed” by members of the Maryland House who supported marriage equality.
Dwyer says he felt sold out when Dels. Tiffany Alston, Wade Kach and Bob Costa voted for same-sex marriage, an issue he spent years crusading against. Dwyer told reporters one day before the vote that he had enough support to block the bill.
Marriage equality passed by the two votes of Republicans who had a change of heart.
He drinks to ease the pain of all those gay folks out there having wild, hot and gleefully sober s-e-x. They are also buying houses, paying bills, getting sick, going to movies, celebrating birthdays, raising children, and living their lives just like “normal” people. You know, just like Don Dwyer except for the drunk boating and driving stuff.
So I hope you gay people are happy now. Don Dwyer would be sober and happily married right now if y’all hadn’t wanted your silly civil rights.
Look, nobody tell Don that the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act passed congress. I know that would lead to cocaine and sex trips to Thailand. A man can only stand so much.
Thanks to Bernard for the heads up.
Even my students don’t come up with excuses this creative – and they’re pretty good! I used to think about writing a book filled with their brainstorms, but people would probably find them boring now.
1Republican or Democrat, this guy I’ll take a pass on. He’s a mess and he’s not going to live much longer unless he gets some help.
2Sounds an awful lot like Newt Gingrich’s claim he cheated on his second wife because he loves his country soooo much that he worked too hard. In actuality, this meant porking Callista.
3Clearly he is not an alcoholic because an alcoholic doesn’t need an excuse to drink.
4The Party that talks “personal responsibility” doesn’t have any.
5Oh, Miz Juanita, I’m so glad I was taking a bite of my do-nut (it’s Shipley’s and that’s how they spell it on the bag) and not taking a drink when I read that last paragraph. I hit “sex trips to Thailand” and just snorted.
Truly, though, this is the “lack of responsibility for one’s actions” mindset that has been driving me crazy for years. Ever since that woman got away with suing McDonalds for getting scalded for coffee after she put the cup between her legs AND WON, I’ve bewailed the court system. I am of the humble opinion that the judge on that (and many other frivolous lawsuits) should have thrown it out of court as nonsense. (I’m also very tired of having “Caution: contents may be hot” on my milkshakes.)
In Texas, the boating DWI goes on the driver license record just the same as the driving one. He was already looking at a hefty “driver responsibility” fine for the first one (assuming conviction). They go up a lot for each offense and you pay them for three years. I hope MD has a similar system.
6Yesterday in The Case Of the Reverend Rifleman, a clever sign said “More Hard Truth: GUNS won’t make your PENIS any bigger, Dude!”
Neither will a 27′ Baja: http://www.bajamarine.com/Images/Main.jpg which Dwyer used to fracture the skull of a 5-year-old girl.
Let’s see:
Big power boat: check!
Irrational fear of “teh gay:” check!
Separation from wife: check!
Work setback engenders feelings of helplessness: check!
Blame everyone else for your own inadequacies: check, check and Double Check!
Dude, you’re not drinking to compensate for stress. Nope, you are compensating and over-compensating for something entirely else.
And herein lies the crux of today’s GOTP. The world is a big and scary place, and they fear losing their manhood. If they can’t beat up on someone not WASPy enough, then that teeny tiny manhood shrivels even more.
TP isn’t just Tea Party, it’s Teeny Peenie!
7Maryland State legislature holds claim to Dwyer. I can see how easy it was to identify him as a Congresscritter. He has all the characteristics.
daChipser: Right on!
8Old Mayfly
9They have plenty of responsibility, but it’s someone else’s.
So many excuses, so little time.
10@SusanF – I know the woman who sued McDonald’s for hot coffee has become the poster child for claiming all sorts of stuff about the judicial system and personal responsibility, but what people don’t realize is that the actual case was a very good one and the particular McDonald’s was clearly in the wrong.
http://www.lectlaw.com/files/cur78.htm
Sorry but this is a bit of a pet peeve of mine. It is completely representative of our “one-liner” culture where if it makes a good headline, facts are irrelevant. It is what the right has preyed upon for the past decade or more, and the American people have greatly suffered from the misinformation it leads to.
11Even if that did explain the drinking, how does it explain the driving?
12Addicted .. thank you it peeves me too. Didn’t stop us from amending our state’s constitutions limits on liability though.
13Good grief.
This guy needs time off to deal with his issues. Betty Ford should be his first stop. After that… therapy. Lots and lots of therapy.
Preferably by a therapist who happens to be gay.
14Lynn, from the link provided by Addicted: “Stella Liebeck of Albuquerque, New Mexico, was in the passenger seat of her grandson’s car when she was severely burned by McDonalds’ coffee in February 1992.”
Emphasis mine. It’s one of my pet peeves, too.
15Sigh. Wait til he finds out that his favorite relative is gay.
16Methinks you have to HAVE a manhood to lose it!
17Psst. Let me tell you all an open secret. Alcoholics do not need an excuse to drink, their minds are very adept at finding reasons no matter how far fetched.
18LOL on the bus ride home!
19Given Don’s neckbrace in the picture, his personal & family problems & the thouht that he might not be relected, I wonder how he feels about Obamacare.
20Dwyer was also cited for illegal crabbing and then he raffled off two assault weapons,online,to help fight gun laws and to pay for his campaign. He apparently was unaware of proper procedure for crabbing. Go figure.
21Please oh please Mr Judge, Mandate him to a Gay AA meeting while awaiting trial…. PLEASE?!!!!!
22Thanks to all for chiming in for poor Stella. I pick juries as a plaintiff’s lawyer. You MUST be able to deal with the vast disinformation surrounding that case. And it is a great litmus test to identify anti-plaintiff Nazis. By the way, does anyone know whether the jury placed any responsibility on Stella? Was Stella driving? Did Stella have to open her coffee to add cream and sugar? Was the car moving? Was Stella wearing sweatpants, which soaked up the coffee and held it to her lap? Does anyone know that Stella had partial thickness burns (2d degree) which required repeat debridements of her 80 year old perineum and inner thighs? Does anyone know that as we age our skin thins, getting more susceptible to burn injury? Does anyone know how many prior complaints McD’s had received from coffee scaldings? Does anyone know how arrogant McD’s lawyers were in the course of defending this? Does anyone know how much McD’s makes a day selling coffee? Does anyone what McD’s actually paid to settle? No, because they insisted Stella agree to confidentiality. Does anyone know what Stella would have accepted to settle before trial, and whether or how much McD’s was willing to offer? Finally, does anyone know who actually paid the settlement? Hint: franchise agreements require the franchisee to indemnify the franchisor, and list the franchisor as a named insured on the franchisee’s commercial general liability policy. The point is not to embarass anyone, but to show there is much more to this ver human situation than the corporate media would like you to know.
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