Fun With Guns: Winkie Edition
Welcome to South Dakota, where there’s some explainin’ to do.
South Dakota man is currently in custody after telling police officers he was shot in the penis by a “black guy” when he actually shot himself while attempting to purchase a gun illegally.
I mean, there’s hardly anything else to tell except that Miss Karma is having giggling fits.
Donald Watson is a 43 year old white convicted felon and showed up at the emergency room with a gunshot wound to the oh dear God. He told the police that he was shot by “a black guy (who) tried to rob” him while he was taking out the trash at his apartment.
The police went back to try to solve this crime and found no blood around the supposed crime scene. It was then that a neighbor told the police that he heard “screams of pain coming from Watson’s apartment about 1 a.m. that morning.” They got a search warrant for the apartment and found bullet fragments in Watson’s bed.
However, no gun was found. So either he wasn’t alone in bed at 1:00 am or he took the trouble to hide the gun before going to the emergency room.
Watson, two days after surgery, changed his story. There was no black guy, but there was a whole lot of garbage.
Thanks to Glen and Ralph for the heads up.
Well, if he was aiming for it, it would have proven he was a marksman for hitting such a small target!
1Okay. This is sick! Guy in bed with gun shoots his own peepee! What in hell was he doing with that thing?
2Never thought about it that way before, but another case of white privilege…. blaming “a black guy” for the crime you committed yourself.
3ROFLaughing!
4Bad idea: keeping a gun in your pants pocket
Worse idea: keeping a loaded gun in your pants pocket
Darwin Award idea: practicing a fast draw of the loaded gun in your pants pocket…
5JAKvirginia, I was wondering the same thing. I’m guessing that he was “cleaning his weapon” while in bed and this involved some large amount of “gun oil” for lubrication and his “weapon” accidentally “prematurely discharged.” And then he shot himself in the penis. Hopefully his injuries will prevent him for spawning another generation of idiots.
6As our friends at the NRA tell us: “The only thing that stops a bad guy in bed with a gun is a good guy . . . ” Hey, wait a minute. What I meant to remind you of is: per NRA, “The Remember Eddie Eagle and only pull your trigger in bed when you have taken very careful aim.” Okay, I admit that still doesn’t seem exactly right for some reason. (Scratches head) I got it! “If Dr. Jekell and Mr. Hyde get into bed with a gun . . .
7one of them might need a new penis before things are over.” THAT, my skeptical friends is straight from Wayne La Pierre.
South Dakota?!? Blaming the black guy in SD is as likely as blaming a virgin in Arkansas for an excuse.
8A newer,more accurate definition of a wee knee. Gawd,I bet that hurt mentally and physically.
9JakVirginia-it is the newest fad for wingnuts. He used to grease up with Crisco and found out Crisco is shortening,so he went full postal and held it at gunpoint and demanded it grow or else.
10I’m sure the staff in the ER, as well as the police station, will be telling this story for years. And there will be much merriment in South Dakota.
11“Elementary, my dear Watson.” No shoot, Sherlock!
12Someone posted this to a friend in SD on her Facebook page and my FB friend said something like: “Thanks for the tip!” That alone cracked me up … wonder if that is all he clipped was the “tip” … LOL
Will share this more in-depth story to that friend in SD. LOL
13Once again:
“Valid excuse”: Black guy did it.
No White privilege?
No, Black Lives Matter…
14A couple comments. If he was allegedly being robbed, either the shooter was a very good shot or a very bad one.
Second, a true story. A friend from high school became a company nurse at a large steel mill in Northwest Indiana.
One day there was a confrontation between an overhead crane operator and a hooker (no fooling, that’s the term for a worker on the floor who attaches heavy steel cables around huge “lifts” of steel products). The crane operator had a reputation as an egotistical wise guy and smart-aleck. The operator stopped his crane and climbed down a 40-foot ladder from his cab to “teach the hooker a lesson.” As he pulled a pistol from his pocket (mere possession on plant property justifies job termination), the weapon discharged and the bullet pierced his penis.
When my nurse friend saw the injury, she wailed, “How do i bandage THIS??!”
15Mark J. My thoughts exactly. He does not need to reproduce!
16Black guy, standing in shadows near dumpster: “So white guy taking out the garbage, is that a handgun in your pocket or do you just really, really enjoy taking out the garbage?”
White guy: Boom!!!
17@ UmptyDump: One could simply staple the wound shut, as one man did for a similar self-inflicted injury. For a medically-correct description of the injury and recovery, check out SCROTUM SELF-REPAIR by William A. Morton, Jr. MD, taken from: Medical Aspects of Human Sexuality July 1991. It must be read to be believed.
18@RepubAnon:
19I read that link.
And I wish I hadn’t
@ RepubAnon – Dr. Morton did not mention tetanus vaccine, which also would be a good idea in case tetanus bacteria are present on metal staples. Here’s a great gun seller’s deal – throw in a free stapler with the purchase of a pistol.
20@ RepubAnon – BTW, if i may ask, how is it that you’ve read Medical Aspects of Human Sexuality? Inquiring minds want to know!
21Words fail me.
22@ UmptyDump: A urologist friend of mine brought that article to my attention. According to Snopes (who verified the article by contacting the author), the article is posted in machine shops throughout the world…
23In an effort not to be outdone, the NY Daily News had this story from Brooklyn.
http://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/public-urinator-shoots-groin-police-article-1.2375336
24Sounds like the punchline of a fortune cookie.
“You learn from your mistakes… You will learn a lot today.
25In bed.”
Hahahahahahahaha! It’s one of the best stories to come out of my home state in a long time. Beats hell out of the big news that the uber-corrupt SD Koch/Republican cabal probably arranged the murder of an entire family to cover their siphoning of more $millions of fed $ into their own pockets. At least last time it was only one man, rather than the wife and young children too. I’m so glad I left there.
26See, I would have bet money on it being an ex-girlfriend.
But he might not have any of those.
27South Dakota ammosexual makes national headlines after Second Amendmenting his own wanger. #sdgop #guns #NRA #sdleg
Headline from Wonkette was even funnier,but not safe for Mama.
The top was from Interested Party blog.
28Good article,montag. Wonder if pee-pee tail gets severance pay?
29