Fun With Guns: Santa Edition
Yep, Fort Worth.
I guess the Sweet Baby Jesus using a 9mm as a rattle didn’t work out.
Nothing says Christmas Peace and Joy like Santa with an AR15.
December 08, 2014 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized
Yep, Fort Worth.
I guess the Sweet Baby Jesus using a 9mm as a rattle didn’t work out.
Nothing says Christmas Peace and Joy like Santa with an AR15.
Welcome to The World's Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc.
My name is Susan DuQuesnay Bankston. I live in Richmond, Texas, in the heart of Tom DeLay's old district. It's nuttier than squirrel poop here.
I am honored and privileged to know Miss Juanita Jean Herownself, hairdresser extraordinary and political maven. Since she does not have time to fiddle with this internet stuff, I type her website for her and you can read it if you want to. If you don't, she truly does not give a big bear's butt.
A lot of what I post here has to do with local politics, but you probably have the same folks in your local government.
This ain't a blog. Blogs are way too trendy for me. This is a professional political organization.
On the plus side, at least now we know how Santa gets those reindeer to fly so fast!
1Because after all, the True Meaning of Christmas is…GUNS!
2So that’s what happened to Dasher.
Venison. Yum.
3LynnN –
Exactly.
Even Rudolf is nowhere to be seen. Et tu Santa?
4@LynnN, What the Urowpeens call reindeer, specially them what can fly, we true Humericans call caribou. And yes caribou are yummy. Specially cooked in a DP marinade.
@Rick
5Looks like Sanity Clause et more than tu. Looks like he et ’em all!
Hope everybody’s heard Cheryl Wheeler’s song “Don’t Forget the Guns,” which seems apt here though it’s about preparing for the family cross-country vacation:
Don’t forget the guns, you know exactly what I mean–
Bring the pistols, bring the Uzi and the old AR-15;
We don’t look for trouble, but by golly, if we’re in it,
It’s nice to know we’re free to blow 900 rounds a minute.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tflaLcu4Xfk
In case anyone thinks that isn’t satire, she has a serious song called “If It Were Up To Me”:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c65EsngpABY
A great quote from Cheryl Wheeler: “We were only religious enough to have the idea that you were supposed
to love other people, we never got religious enough to start hating other people.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2wlgWQwD_0Y
6Ya know, I have screeched (I admit to that) here many a time about Jesus being used by RWNJ’s like a rented mule. Now I must make the same kind of screech about Santa Claus. In my family he is not a secular what sit. He is another version of a dad gum saint as in Saint Nicholas, a bishop in ancient times who practiced Matthew 25. Saint Nicholas would have never touched a lethal weapon of whatever kind existed in his lifetime. Now in Holland Saint Nicholas in full regalia is accompanied by a buddy named Peter who distributes lumps of coal and scratchy switches to the baddies. I guess these abusers of Saint Nicholas never heard of him but when they do I would bet a week’s wages they just might jump on the Peter train and put him on top of a gun shop display. Anyone who wants to can Google Saint Nick and see what I’m saying.
7He is getting ready to go out and eliminate all those awful people who are Waging a War On Christmas.
8Micr –
9Now that is, as the Dude would say in The Big Lebowski, really tying the room together!
I thought Jesus had an Uzi (Israeli made).
10I’m not a math genius of course, but if your submachine gun’s engineered cyclical rate of fire is 900 rounds per minute (and one minute equals 60 seconds), then your 15 round magazine is done in … 1 second. Your 30 round magazine is empty in … 2 seconds. And so on. If you are bragging about a wall of lead between you and someone else, rock on. If you are bragging about “marksmanship” you’d be oh so wrong.
11Micr, I know squat about guns, but I had assumed in CW’s song that the family collectively can blow 900 rounds a minute with everything they’ve got. Not sure marksmanship matters a lot at that level.
Since not that many Americans have guns, but those who do seem to run out and buy more after every massacre and at every whisper of a possible mild regulation, sounds to me as if the gun-toters all have about 236 guns each by now. I don’t know how they can get around in their houses.
12Santa gets a big sack of coal for packin’ that AR15
Poor Santa, he’s been used to sell just about every consarned thing, from used cars to AR15’s. Put the poor guy out of his misery.
13Guns don’t kill people but watch out for the elves and old St. Nick!
Now that I think of it, this also lends new meaning to the song’s refrain, “He knows if you’ve been bad or god so be good for goodness sake!” I never realized how sinister that song was!
14I’m in the process of writing a warm and touching story to appear on the NRA website about how the Fourth Magi shows up bearing an assault rifle – a gift to put in the Christmas creche – in the manger alongside the babe. For whatever reason, this tale will be guaranteed to bring tears to readers’ eyes.
15Maybe they can give away a VHS copy of the movie “Scrooged” with every purchase. The blood & guns opening scene at the North Pole certainly goes with their version of Santa:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ajwSBuozVs
16He sees you when you are sleeping
He knows when you’re awake
He knows if you’ve been bad or good
So be good for goodness sake!
And to think what a sheltered upbringing that I had. Parents used to use this song as a veiled threat to withhold presents if you were not behaving. Now you can hire Santa to scare the bejesus out of them.
17“You’ll shoot your eye out!”
18They are going for Futurama Santa.
19Actually,Santa needs guns to safely fly through Texas and the rest of whitey wingnut ‘murrica. He is seen as a liberal,pinkofag,socialist who brings joy to the masses and pisses off the koch bros and wingnuts for doing so.
20Maybe we could get Santa to promote coffins for Boxing Day.
21