Fun With Guns: It Just Wasn’t His Day Edition
Cameron Jeffrey Wilson, who is 27 years old and lives in Washington State, had himself one of those days.
It all started when he had a pistol in his pocket that accidentally went off and he shot himself in the genitals. Now, you’d think that would be the worst thing that could happen to you in one day. But, it wasn’t.
Instead of heading directly to a hospital, Wilson instructed his girlfriend to first drive to Lincoln Park in Wenatchee, where he gave the pistol to a friend, the affidavit said. A 13-time convicted felon, it is illegal for Wilson to possess a firearm.
But oh hell, it’s still not over.
As he was having surgery, a balloon filled with marijuana fell out of his anus.
‘Bout the same time that was happening, Chelan County sheriff’s detectives arrived at the scene and discovered a pair of bloody jeans in his car. The jeans had methamphetamines in the pocket.
Instead of arresting him at the hospital, detectives decided that he, and no doubt they, would be better off letting him go home and charging him later. He healed up a little and turned himself in two days after he was officially charged.
This should have been the end. It wasn’t.
As they were searching him another bag of marijuana was found in his … oh hell, you know where.
They finally get him booked and into a cell.
From the jail, Wilson made multiple calls to his girlfriend asking her not to cooperate with investigators, according to a probable cause affidavit filed April 26 in superior court. Authorities listened to the calls and subsequently charged him with four counts of tampering with a witness.
Now see, the cops have a gunshot, bloody jeans, drugs, and an anus. Do they really need her testimony?
He’s being charged with witness tampering, second-degree felon in possession of a firearm and unlawful possession of meth, as well as possession of a controlled substance in a correctional facility. And all he did was shoot himself in the winkie and things went downhill from there.
He’s being held on $110,000 bond.
Thanks to Fenway Fran for the heads up.
As my bumper sticker says.
1“NOT EVEN DUCT TAPE CAN FIX STUPID.
BUT IT CAN MUFFLE THE SOUND.”
Poster child for why harsher punishments don’t always have a deterrent effect: it assumes low-level criminals can associate an effect with a cause.
White collar criminals, yes. Folks like this poor guy – no.
2If this fool had died, someone could have submitted his name as a candidate for the Darwin Award in the Stupid Dead Criminal category.
3Mr. Wilson is eminently qualified for a job in the Trump administration.
4That fool sure did cover his bases. If he doesn’t win a Darwin Award, he’s a sure bet to be featured on one of the America’s dumbest criminals shows. Or, as slipstream@4 predicts he has an employment future with IQ4.5’s maladministration.
5slipstream wins the internet today
6Probably forgot his MAGA cap
7This must be the criteria Trump measures himself against when he decides, yup, compared with that guy, I’m a stable genius.
8Wanna bet he votes R ’cause of gun rights?
Wanna bet he’s still smarter than Trump?
9Rick@7. Ouch. Now Cameron J. Wilson can consider his day a total loss. Losing to Orange Foolius in the smarts department, that burn will leave a scar.
10This guy has a girlfriend???
11I believe this is the best Fun with Guns installment yet.
12So here’s my take on it.
Neil Young once wrote a song with a story remarkably close to this one.
The bullet and the damage done.
But when he got to the part where the SECOND balloon of weed came out of his ass, trying to smuggle into jail, he just stopped.
“There’s no way in hell anybody’s gonna believe this ridiculous crap.
Needle. Yeah that’s the ticket.”
Papa: Given where the bullet went, he’s definitely qualified for a Darwin Award, just not in the dead category.
P.P. @ 12,
That’s one way to get eliminated from the gene pool.
131) Pakalolo is legal in Washington state. What is driving him to pay premium prices for “illegal” weed.
2) Why is it that one feels this eunuch is a true blue ammosexual ( about the only sexual gratification he may be capable of achieving after his “accident”)
3) A true blue demented donny fan
Maybe new title for ammosexual gun toters “eunuchs in waiting”
14Mind boggling stupidity aside, how does a 27 year-old have 13 felony convictions and still walk around free?
And while he may like Trump, I suspect he’s the kind of fella who can’t be bothered with voting. In Washington State, he’d have to be off parole *and* re-register.
Still a bright spot of news in this, the worst time line.
15This, and the election of Drumpf and a shitload of asshole Rs over my lifetime is directly connected to the 60s Rethugs long game of taking over the school boards and moving up over the decades untill they gave us 45! This is the result of Rethuglican run Public Education – no way this lil shit went to a charter school! Wait, my bad. This is exactly what I expect to come out of a charter shooool!
16Ted@16
17I always point out how addled ronnie derided the US educational system as incompetent and then went on to prove it by sweeping the 18 to 20 year old vote in 1980.
$100,000 bond…?
A lot of money. Now where’s he gonna’ get that money…?
Oh,no! Oh God, no!!
18Kermit (not the frog)–Obviously because he’s white…
19The only thing missing: The shooting occurred as he was on his way to join the “Proud Boys” at a Trump rally.
20That jail needs to get a urologist in stat to perform a vasectomy on whatever equipment this moron hasn’t shot off himself, because on behalf of the gene pool, he is too damn dumb to breed.
And I echo Peon’s question: this guy has a girlfriend?
21My brother, who lives in Seattle, often mentions the Deliverance factor of the state population, where a lot of forest dwellers deem to crawl out from under their logs and take civilization back to the Paleolithic era. Like most of his bros,
22that boy ain’t right.
Oh. My. Goodness. I roared, and when I read this to my husband he roared too. Absolutely the best Stupid Criminal story EVER!!!
23Is he moving to Florida when he gets out?
24@maryelle # 22
25Ocean Shores on the 4th is a prime example of knuckle draggers in their glory and all together.
Only 2 narrow roads in or out.
Always maintained that if a tsunami hit ocean shores on the 4th the average IQ of the state would jump by at least 10 points if not more.
k@17
26I was one of the 18 to 20 year-olds that voted to give Carter a second term. Apparently I’m a life-long Democrat.
Fellow women, WHY do we keep enabling these idiots?
27You just can’t make this stuff up!!
28“When law and morality contradict each other the citizen has the cruel alternative of either losing his sense of morality or losing his respect of the law.” — Frederic Bastiat
29