Fun With Guns: Internet Edition
Imagine being in Alaska. Now imagine being in Alaska without internet.
It’s a New Year’s tradition to shoot off guns at midnight in the village at the confluence of the Tanana and Yukon rivers, about 150 miles west of Fairbanks. This year, however, the shooters evidently weren’t paying attention where they were pointing their guns when someone shot one of the main fiber-optic cable lines.
And the crowning glory.
“You can’t fix stupid,” is how Ralph Eller, owner of Yukon Telephone and Supervisions Cable TV, summed up the incident.
They have to wait for the supplies to fix the cable line, but they have plenty of ammo in stock.
Thanks to TexasTrailerParkTrash for the heads up.
“You can’t fix stupid,” to now be known as the Eller maxim.
1Still laughing. I’d hate to be the person who shot the cable line. Hoping there was so much shooting going on that nobody can or will take the blame.
2It is fortunate that the population is small. Better a cable line than a neighbor’s kid.
3Marge: I hope the opposite. The right wing’s all for “accountability”–so when it comes to guns, so am I. The right person should definitely take the blame. You shot it, you pay for the repairs to fix it and any costs to those who use the internet and don’t have it.
And they should just take every firearm the idjit owns and bend it around a pipe. “You need it to hunt moose? Too bad; you’re going to be begging your neighbors for meat the rest of the winter. And they’re not happy with you, so be a polite beggar.”
4I wish someone with a better grasp of statistics than I could explain to me why the gene pool just seems more shallow in some places than others. For example, in Alaska generally. Amongst certain Cuban families in Texas. Just curious!
5Oh, Elizabeth, you are right. The guy should be made to pay reparations. I had more drastic measures in mind of what a bunch of drunks with guns might do to someone who cut off internet access might do.
6“You can’t fix stupid” is the punch line of a story by comedian Ron White. Here’s the video.
7Possibility #1 – The guy who shot out the fiber optic line took away the town’s internet and TV in the dead of winter. If he’s not entirely stupid, he’s not talking because right now, beating up the guy who took out the town’s internet & TV is the only entertainment available.
Possibility #2 – Drunk. The shooter doesn’t even know he did it. The witnesses were probably to drunk to remember anything as well.
In Alaska, in winter, I predict this will become another – – – cold case.
8OMG. Now the only thing they can watch during those long dark nights that squeeze out the daytime are the Northern Lights! I can just see them all sitting in lawn chairs in a line watching the Aurora Borealis dance and glitz its way across the sky. And very quickly I can just see the tears falling and the snuffling start as they lament the loss of their connection to the Great World Beyond their sorry asses!
9Time for radio to make a comeback.
10Anyone for “News From Lake Woebegone”?
Garrison Keiler just might see a spike in Alaskan listeners.
There are only 254 residents in Tanana,Alaska. 212 are Native American. Two registered sex offenders. 1 Asian,1 Hispanic and about a dozen Whites.According to the 2010 census.
11Easy fellas. Alaska has some of the highest incidences of drunkenness,domestic violence and sexual assaults of any states and there is virtually no law enforcement available to police these remote towns.
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