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Louis Gohmert, congressgoof from Texas, has a plan to get people off welfare —

We have people on welfare and I know there’s some that just don’t wanna work, but there’s some that do. How ’bout if instead of the welfare, we give ‘em an alternative. We’ll give you so many acres that can provide land where you can live off of it, make a living and we’ll give you seed money to start, but you have to sign an agreement that you’ll never accept welfare again. How ’bout that? We got plenty of land.

You can see Crazy Louie deliver this plan for American’s unemployed right here.

“Bless Louie’s heart, we have to water him twice a week or he wilts,” Juanita once explained to a visitor from a foreign state.

I wonder if by “seed money,” he means money for actual seeds, or if it would include a mule and a tent or something.

“Hey Louie,” Juanita hollers real loud, “I want that acre behind your fancy Nacogdoches swakienda.   Me and Thelma are moving in her doublewide next week.  We’ll stock your swimming pool and rip up them begonias for some cotton and corn.  We’ll feel right at home in East Texas, and I’m sure you wouldn’t mind if we opened up an adult book store on your part of the property to help with the cost of plumbing.”