I have said before that if you were to stick a pin in Newt Gingrich, the force of ego alone would make him fly around the room backwards for three days making pooting sounds.  Last I heard, he’s taking full credit for the Clinton economy and a balanced budget.

Today he announced that he is responsible for Mitt Romney’s wealth.  Well, thanks a lot, Newt, for including me on that little gift.

Other Things Newt Gingrich is Responsible For

1.  The Hallelujah Chorus – inspired by Newt’s overwhelming hanky-panky-inducing passion for his country

2.  The Star on top of the San Jacinto Monument – Newt still has the scars on his knees from climbing that sucker to put the star on top.

3.  Sex – well, duh.  If he didn’t invent it, at least he used it the most.

4.  Microwave popcorn

5.  You know that cramp you get in your foot in the middle of the night where nothing will stop it until you stand up and wish death rays on your foot?  Well, Newt had nothing – I repeat, nothing – to do with that.

6.  Breakfast is the most important meal of the day – Newt’s idea.

7.  You know when Capt. Sullenberger safely landed his airplane in the Hudson River, saving all lives on board and inspiring a nation?  Well, who do you think was the brilliant person who released the birds at the exactly the right minute to cause  the engines to fail and this whole wonderful thing to happen?  Yeah.  Newt.

8.  While Newt did not design the American flag, he is responsible for Betsy Ross.

9.  The Beatles

10.  Full moons.

I hope you are writing a thank you note to Newt, The Most Interesting Man in the World.  He doesn’t have sex often, but when he does, it’s with your wife.