Ding! Ding! Ding! We Have a Winner!
In the sweepstakes of crazy in Texas, we need to stop everything and stand in awe of this one.
Remember yesterday when I told you about the weird drunk people in Bastrop being convinced that the United States Military was sending 60 soldiers, two Humvees and a helicopter to Texas to incarcerate everyone Just! Like! Hitler! and we all thought that was nuts?
The Governor did not. No, sireeeee, Governor Abbott huffed him up and gave credence to those crazybutt fears.
Several of you in the comments section posted Governor Greg Abbott’s letter assuring Texans that he had everything under control.
“It is important that Texans know their safety, constitutional rights, private property rights and civil liberties will not be infringed,” Abbott wrote. “By monitoring the Operation on a continual basis, the State Guard will facilitate communications between my office and the commanders of the Operation to ensure that adequate measures are in place to protect Texans.”
Do you know what the Texas Guard is? It’s not the Texas National Guard. It’s just the Texas Guard. It’s like the Boy Scouts except with no adult supervision.
Remember the old sheriff we had here who often tied his shoelaces together? He was the head of the Texas Guard here and his mistress was the Lt. Col. I am not making that up. Just ask anybody.
The Texas Guard is for people too old or too chicken to join the real military. They are for civil help only, like cleaning up after a hurricane. Here’s what they get paid. They do not get to carry guns, even if they have one.
When part of your pay is a free hunting and fishing license and a waiver of some toll road fees, it’s not likely you’ll get to join the VFW.
I cannot for the life of me find the qualifications to join but knowing a few local guardsmen I can assure you that literacy is not one of them. Hell, the Bi-Polar Rollers Bowling team over at Lucky Lonnie’s Bowling Alley has stricter qualifications to join.
So we’ve got Cletus and Billy Bob with the Texas Guard sleuthing around nosing in official United States military business and informing the Governor if the real military does something suspicious. I know I’ll sleep better at night.
Thanks, Gov, for making it worse.
Thanks to everybody for the heads up.
The Texas Guard – now I can sleep without fear.
1Ya know, when I read that damn letter nothing about it rang true. Well, hey. Consider the source.
2Thanks for the clairification, when I read this on another blog I thought it was the National Guard.
3Just a thought though, if those who are denied voting rights because of not having the right credentials can get them this way ie. hunting license and hidden weapons permits, they can get them for free. BTW with no criteria, this means felons can join too, no?
As part of the benefits package they should also include a “Don’t Mess With Texas” bumper sticker, and a ticket to an afternoon showing of Paul Blart Mall Cop 2.
4Have all those people who are scared they’re going to be rounded up and put in camps considered that they’ve already put themselves in one? They have self-camped by hanging out only with other crazies and by being suspicious of any and all outsiders.
Although I suppose “cult” might be a better word than “camp.”
5Your basic ROTC….. vs. THE UNITED STATES ARMED FORCES.
Gotta luv it.
6Abbot is pandering to these wackos by giving credence to their paranoia. This is the result of the GOP hate and fear platform.
7Low information (i.e. intelligence) voters have fallen for this ploy repeatedly, even though their fears are never realized.
I guess rational thought has dried up like all that water out there.
Being a retired rules writer for a state agency for a year and a half shy of a quarter century, I noticed with a wry smile that the listing of the “numerous benefits” for active members of the Texas State Guard begins with “may” include. That means, maybe yes and maybe no in official language, as opposed to “shall” which means heck yes, that’s what you’ll get!
8I find it amusing/sad that the very people who most likely say that they support our troops, consider themselves patriots, and thank people in uniform for their service (all of this is a good thing), are also the same people who don’t want the troops here in Texas.
9Abbott just loves to pander to whackos.
10Abbott know there is no danger with the military actions, but wants the whackos to think he is the one keeping them safe.
11Just saw on SA ch 4 a short video about the meetingconcerning the military exercise, a man actually said we’re worried ‘considering who the commander in chief is’. Honestly he said this knowing he was being recorded!
12I’m waiting for some idiot to take a shot at one of our country’s unarmed soldiers during this exercise. Abbott will bear responsibility for stirring the pot.
13It is very, VERY disconcerting to have these fools on one hand and on the other witnessing an actively ongoing occupation of Baltimore. Or wherever else the local police has gone over the line to the extent that the populace decides to protest.
If these poor souls (bless their hearts) really want to understand a *fraction* of the reality under fascist rule, they should be out protesting against police brutality when the hammer comes down. Except of course they won’t because they are too Lilly-livered to stand unarmed in peaceful protest.
Has anyone, anywhere in TX (or the USA) got *A* documentable case where someone had their firearms confiscated without reasonable cause? If not, then STOP WHINING!!!
14Great. Barney Fife and Gomer Pyle in action. What could go wrong?
15This was a BIG story on the CBS Morning News today. There are a couple of other states freaking out too.
16PARANOIA CAN BE TREATED. RACISM has created much of this. How dare that black man get elected, TWICE????
Yeah, this is one where Abbot should have let the pitch go by. No matter how you respond to lunacy you only make the lunacy seem reasonable.
17I wrote about this over at my place today. I remember leftie nutjobs saying the same thing about Bush back in 2006 & 2007 — he was going to use Blackwater security guard to impose martial law and cancel the 2008 elections etc. etc. etc. But we didn’t have any governors trying to monitor the Blackwater security forces, or the Washington Post and CBS News writing about it. Why? Because LWNJs are off in a corner babbling into their oatmeal. RWNJs are mainstreamed into the GOP.
So that proves the point that one of America’s 2 political parties is batshit insane.
18I’m not sure it was necessary to ridicule the Texas Guard irregardless of how silly you think Abbott is.
19Mia – I have made a life style out of ridiculing the Texas Guard in the town where I live. They are a bunch of Billy Bob yahoos who have confederate flag bumper stickers and cannot wait to secede so they will be the Texas army. Several of them have been caught lying about their military record. They are the last people you’d want getting in the way of a United States Military member trying to learn something. The opportunity for a civilian to spy on a military officer they suspect wants to steal their pick up truck and haul their woman off to a reeducation camp at a deserted WalMart is plenty silly, but allowing these guys to do it is damn ridiculous and very scary.
20I was a proud member of the Texas Guard as a college student in the 1980s. In return for attending a monthly meeting, I received in-state tuition at a Texas public university. Watching civil defense films for three hours a month at the local armory was a small price to pay for a discount of thousands off my education, even if it meant taking orders from the local Billy Bobs. I found out about the Guard through a classmate and it turned out that my entire Texas Guard unit was comprised of a bunch of music majors like me. I got promoted to second lieutenant because I was the only member who bought the boots we were supposed to get from the local Army surplus store. Doesn’t that make you feel safe and secure?
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