.

Juanita occasionally reminds folks that the best thing about Texas is that we’re dandy proud of our crazy folks.

“In foreign states, they put the crazy uncle up in the attic, in Texas we display him on the front porch and invited friends over to meet him,” she explains.

“I came to believe that Texas was the best place to be a crazy person  20 years ago when we put Ross Perot in charge of Texas education.  That proved to me right then and there that we could close all the mental institutions because we’d done found jobs for all the crazy people.”

“The plan worked well until we started electing them to Congress,” she explains.  “Texas now has a congressional delegation that would be under court-ordered custodial care in all other states.”

Juanita offers Republican Louis Gohmert as proof.

“I talked to a retired FBI agent who said that one of the things they were looking at were terrorist cells overseas who had figured out how to game our system. And it appeared they would have young women, who became pregnant, would get them into the United States to have a baby,” said Gohmert. “They wouldn’t even have to pay anything for the baby. And then they would turn back where they could be raised and coddled as future terrorists. And then one day, twenty, thirty years down the road, they can be sent in to help destroy our way of life. ‘Cause they figured out how stupid we are being in this country to allow our enemies to game our system, hurt our economy, get set up in a position to destroy our way of life.”

“Well,” she smiles, “I talked to an unnamed retired FBI agent, a current unnamed CIA Agent, and a future unnamed PTA president, and they all told me that it’s a well known fact to foreign terrorist operatives that Louis Gohmert is a Manchurian Candidate from an alien planet set to explode all over Austin, Texas, at a predesignated time, making a helluva mess with his engineered innards and vacuum brain.”

“Once he goes off, it’ll take us a week to skim paranoia off Lake Travis.  It would be a paranoia slick the likes of which have never been seen on this planet.”