Close, But No Cigar

January 07, 2013 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

In The Big Lebowski, the Stranger says, “Sometimes you eat the bear, and sometimes, well, he eats you.”  I’d like to add … And sometimes nobody gets dinner.

A year and half ago I told you about a billboard near Lufkin, Texas, that just beats all.  Even for East Texas.

I made Ole Bubba pull over and let me take a picture of it because I considered it a Republican crime scene.  You have to put a disclaimer on political signs in Texas saying who paid for it.   This sign had no disclaimer.  No right wing nut in all of East Texas had the guts to stand up and say what they believe and put their name on it.   It comes from their days of wearing hoods.

The Angelina Democratic County Chair  filed a complaint with FEC.  And the FEC made their ruling last November.  I’m just now finding out about it because somebody, and I’m not going to mention any names here but their initials are Alfredo over at the Dairy Queen, fell down on the job.

The FEC was able to trace the purchaser back to Winston Ranch in Lufkin, where the Piney Woods Cattle Baron’s Ball is held, and specifically to Virginia Winston as the purchaser.  She had two signs.  The cost was $10,500.

In response to the complaint, Virginia hand wrote back to the FEC that she is an 82 year old widow woman with health issues.  She claims not to know anything about these rules and she just copied something she saw on the internet.  It should be noted that Virginia is also a member of the Lufkin Junior League, and that Winston Ranch is not exactly a trailer park.   (Click here and see page 29)  It’s a 1,000 acre cattle ranch with award winning cows.  This old woman probably has enough money to burn a wet elephant.

I’d be willing to bet that Virginia has more lawyers on retainer than the FEC does.

So, Virginia leads the FEC to believe she’s some poor widow woman living on social security with a hacking cough who doesn’t even own a computer to write her letters.

So they don’t even fine her because, as they say, “she seems highly unlikely to repeat the violations.”

Oh, so you get one free ride at the FEC if you’re old.  Dude, I am so going to remember that.  Another ten years and a nasty bout of pneumonia and I can start making money by people paying me to take responsibility for FEC violations.

I have proper Junior League stationery, Virginia’s address, and full intent to find out how much money Winston Ranch gets in ag exemptions and government subsidies.  I am going to let her know, in the sweetest way possible, that I’m going to buy an ad in the newspaper, print a list of all the government aid she gets, and sign my name to it.

I figure that evens things up, because I believe in personal responsibility and consequences.  No, wait, only Republicans believe that.

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0 Comments to “Close, But No Cigar”


  1. Oh please… do it! But don’t wait ten years.. the old witch might be gone by then and she certainly deserves to be really PO’d every time she sees your sign!

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  2. “unlikely to repeat the violation” until the next time somebody wants her $10K for racist billboards.

    Just sayin’

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  3. That “I only copied what I saw on the internet” excuse was the same one that numbnut Milton Neitsch in Victoria used when he posted the “Pray for Obama” sign at his restaurant.

    I don’t believe for one minute that either of them–Milton or Virginia–surf the internet looking for political stuff. They are the ones that folks go to for the checks to support their sleezy political attacks.

    Go get her, Juanita.

    I bet if you just barely mentioned it, you could raise enough money for a full page ad. Just saying.

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  4. Here’s the website in which you can check a person’s farm program benefits: http://farm.ewg.org/search.php?fips=00000

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  5. I agree with brian. Please do it soon and attach a picture of her billboard above the list of exemptions & subsidies she/her ranch receives.

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  6. Juanita Jean says:

    Thank you, Deborah – I found $48,000 right off the bat. http://farm.ewg.org/persondetail.php?custnumber=A09339668

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  7. That is a lot of money. Much more them my disability and Medicare combined.And I will help you pay for a full page ad and you can add my name too!

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  8. You run the ad.. we’ll chip in!

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  9. Absolutely….we’ll chip in. Just say the word! How’s about you zip your comments to some lib-bul-rul publication?

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  10. daChipster says:

    Most people without ten thousand bucks laying around collecting dust resort to hitting “Share” on Facebook for this type of thing. At which point people like me mock them unmercifully.

    So in avoiding a good Facebook mocking, she spent $10k and incurred the Wrath of Juanita Jean instead.

    She chose… poorly.

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  11. JJ, forget the ten years and the pneumonia. Do it NOW! We’ll all testify that you’re bat—- crazy. Better still, we could start a preemptive letter writing campaign swearing that you are not responsible for anything you do. Lord, just think. That could cover a lot of things and be your ticket to do all the things you’ve so wanted to do. It’s your call. Give us a sign.

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  12. Sam in Kyle says:

    I’ll chip in. Publish her address and I’ll drop her a note

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  13. Well, would you expect any less stupidity from an East Texas town in Louie’s district? Lufkin is also infamous for a 2008 Klan cross burning assembly as well as distribution of Klan literature there in 2009. Also in 2009 a Foundry in Lufkin had a $5.5 million judgment (plus legal fees of another $5.6 million) against it for racism. Lufkin Industries for years perpetrated discrimination against African American employees

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  14. Marge Wood says:

    You know, I really oughta make stack of envelopes TO JUANITA JEAN with her address and keep the stack and a check book by the computer machine.

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  15. Marge Wood says:

    Yeah, and I betcha a nickel she pays her black help fifty cents an hour too and fills in gaps with leftover food and clothes.

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  16. Bud Malone says:

    This is exactly why Juanita Jean is my first read every morning.

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  17. Don A in Pennsyltucky says:

    Before people start complaining about agricultural subsidies, they should make certain that their mouth isn’t full. Agricultural policy in the USA is a mess and precious few small farmers can be profitable without subsidies of one sort or another.

    $48K in conservation subsidies over 3 of the last dozen years isn’t going to help anyone buy billboards — especially the Environmental Quality Incentive Program which is a way to help meet federal environmental regulations.

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  18. Just be sure to include a picture of the lady in your ad, preferably with a red line through her.

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  19. penelope roberts says:

    whatever you do, if you need money, let us know. i will happily kick in $10.

    teapublicans are so sleazy.

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  20. penelope roberts says:

    don, what you say may be true but she had $10K plus to pay for the billboards AND sip tea in her livingroom.

    if she has that much for a billboard she doesn’t need my money to help her ranch.

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  21. Juanita Jean says:

    Don A, I’m not complaining. I favor farm subsidies. But then again I’m a Democrat and support President Barack Obama and BIG Government. I’m just saying that BIG government is what keeps East Texas from being a poverty ranch. So, if you’re taking the money, it’s a tad hypocritical to bite the hand that feeds you.

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  22. Hey Marge,

    Bet her “help” ain’t black – it is is Tejas – ROFLMFAO

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  23. Aggieland liz says:

    Goin one step further Eykis: betcha most of the work on that ranch is done by ee-lee-guls dammit. That she doesn’t want, except for HER staff!!

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  24. I’ll chip in. This is a very worthy project.

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  25. Juanita Jean says:

    Y’all, you’re sweet. I can spring for an ad in the local paper. It ain’t like it’s the New York Times. If I come across a big project, I’ll let you know. I love my customers.

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  26. Dear FEC,
    I’m just a tottering old widow, who saw a picture on the internet, that I wanted to put on a billboard. So I downloaded that picture, but where did it go? Was it in my download folder or my picture folder? But I looked around and I found it. Then I called a bunch of people to see how to rent a billboard. I reviewed all of the rates they sent me, by location, by duration, and by size. They told me I had to send them that picture as a file attachment either by email, or on a flash drive. Well, to be safe I did both, but when they got the photo, which was formatted for a 20″ computer screen it was so stretched and pixelated that we had to …
    In conclusion, even though I have a computer, I’m hand writing a letter to you, to let you know I’m just an old lady who doesn’t have time to look up all of these fancy political regulations.

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  27. I love your plan of action! And I don’t even believe that the “widow” is a real person, much less 80+ years old. Turn on all those lights, and let’s take a look!

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  28. Perhaps the old woman did not really understand that she needed a disclaimer, but I betcha the billboard owner knew.

    Was it ClearChannel? They own an Texas congressman.

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  29. ROFLMFAO, that is what I mean by “ain’t black” Aggieland Liz – I’ve been “born and bred Texan” for 59 years.

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  30. Put me on your “Fun and Games” donor list, JJ. It is cheap entertainment for a cranky granny with a small Social Security check.

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  31. Just got my Honorable Congressman’s newsletter… the Honorable Randy Neugebauer is gonna serve on the AG committee again… a-hole will make sure all those folks like this ole heifer will continue to get their payments, even though they aren’t in his district. They’re TEXANS, and deserve to be given every bit of AG Committee welfare they can muster.

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  32. Well, I’m ready to slap a ten spot in an envelope and send it your way when the next big project comes along. Just say the word!

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  33. Back when I was in school, we learned “Ignorance of the law is no excuse” for stuff we did or might do as adults that wasn’t legal. Thousand acre ranch and some prize cattle? She’s not short of money; she’s got at least one firm of lawyers…who sure could’ve told her it was a lousy idea.

    Smackdown time.

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