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As far as Juanita is concerned, the nomination of Elena Kagan is horse-high, bull-strong, pig-tight, and goose-proof.  That means there ain’t no way around it.

But the Republicans are still gonna try.

According to a leaked audio, they are willing to put up a losing fight just so they can fight.

“Even if it’s a nominee that we can’t seriously stop, we can accomplish several things, and so a hard fight is worthwhile,” Levey implored. “Certainly it can be to the political advantage of Republicans…. There’s everything to be gained from making the Supreme Court vacancy a campaign issue in 2010.”

“There’s broader goals such as just distracting Obama from other items on his agenda,” Levey added. “The tougher the fight the less capital and time and resources and floor time in the Senate there is to spend on immigration and climate change, etc.”

“How these Republicans can claim to love America is a mystery to me,” Juanita says, “because it’s perfectly clear that they don’t love Americans.”

“They are living proof that not everything that moves around in the dark is Santa Claus,” she shakes her head.  “These boys hide in a closet and play their fiddles while things out here are on fire.”

“And if they get to pick on a woman, that’s even more exciting for them.”

I think she’s right.

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Last weekend Juanita got an opportunity to meet with some girlfriends from foreign states.  The first subject they brought up was about our Governor killing a coyote.

Juanita has long figured that story is taller than it is wide.  Why else would the Gov wait a couple of months before bragging that he killed a puppy-eating coyote with his handy .380 Ruger loaded with hollow points bullets that he carries while jogging?  Nope, not this Governor.  This Governor would have brought back the pelt and hung it on the wall for the 5:00 news team to photograph.  Or had someone do it for him.  He seems a tad prissy to be handling yucky innards stuff himself.

Anyway, Juanita’s girlfriends were giggling about the idea that our Gov carries a Ruger in his jogging shorts.  “You’d think a man of sufficient proportions wouldn’t have room for anything extra in his shorts,” Verdelia surmised.

Another friend asked if it was really necessary to kill a coyote in Austin, Texas.  “Isn’t that kinda like killing a feral cat?” Glenda Sue wondered.  And then she surmised, “It must be a Republican thing.”

Maybe it is.

So, because Republicans and Democrats handle things differently, Juanita has taken it upon herself to write The Wiki Guide for Dealing With Coyotes.

Upon finding a coyote on your jogging path —

Republicans tap their foot three times to make sure it’s not “that” kind of encounter.  Democrats threaten reconciliation – but they just threaten; they never actually do it.

Republicans check their What Would Jesus Do bracelet and then blow the sucker’s brains out.  Democrats welcome displaced coyotes to the city and give them the Astrodome.

Republicans detain the coyote until it produces proof it was in the country legally.  Democrats demand verification that the fur was fair trade and that the Acme brand rocket skates are carbon neutral.

Republicans believe that the market will determine the political value of coyote stories.  Democrats believe they should be regulated by – oh, I dunno – the truth?

We hope this guide will help visiting dignitaries.

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For you folks from foreign states, our local elections were yesterday.

Remember the deal with Crazy Chris Calvin and the city council candidate he was spreading lies about, Danny Nguyen?  Nguyen: 2,776 votes; Calvin’s candidate: 697.   Lesson learned:  Pay Calvin to endorse your opponent.

And Cynthia Lenton Gary of the wacky mailbox fame?  She got beat by 15 percentage points.  Lesson learned:  do not mess with the United States Postal Service or Juanita Jean.

Happy Mother’s Day!

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The bad news is that Crazy Senator Joe Lieberman is growing crazier by the minute.

Sen. Joe Lieberman (I-CT) captured big headlines, and interesting supporters, when he proposed the Terrorist Expatriation Act, which would amend current law to allow the State Department to revoke the citizenship of Americans they deem to be members of foreign terrorist organizations.

The good news is that everybody except Scott Brown thought it was nuts.  “Hellfire, even John Boehner thought it was crazy,” Juanita observes.  “Glenn Beck had second thoughts, too, because his first ones are usually a little twisted.”

“When you are more  rightwing than John Boehner and Glenn Beck, there’s something wrong with your GPS system,” Juanita announces.  “He needs to tweek that sucker before he ends up in Italy.”

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From The Houston Chronicle’s own Nick Anderson —

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Juanita wants to know, “What happened to the good ole days when old white guys went to Florida and played shuffleboard?”

Right-wing extremists who question the legitimacy of Barack Obama’s presidency tried to take on local law enforcement recently — and they seem to have come out on the losing end.

First, a Tennessee man was arrested after walking into his local county courthouse to try to effect a citizen’s arrest of a grand jury foreman who had refused to investigate President Obama’s legitimacy to serve — an encounter partially caught on video. That enraged one Georgia-based member of the far-right OathKeepers group. Responding to a call from an extremist leader, he drove to Tennessee with an AK-47 in a bid to get his comrade released — only to wind up getting arrested himself.

“The last damn thing this country needs is a bunch of cranky old white guys running around with AK-47’s.  They need to sit on their front porch and throw rocks at little kids who come in their yards.  The next time I see one of these guys doing his so-called ‘protecting America’ thing, I’m gonna sneak up behind him and tell him that all the neighborhood kids are in his yard.”

“Plus, they don’t need to be talking about the Founding Fathers.  Thomas Jefferson was 33 years old when he wrote the Declaration of Independence, and King George III was 38.  So, you old guys need to go home.  Join a bowling league.   And get your pant down from under your armpits – you look silly.”