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Come to find out, the ying to my yang on election night on the electric television is a guy named Big Jolly.  Apparently, he’s really looking forward to having something to be jolly about.

It’s also going to be Pasa-git-down-dena vs. Cabo San Rosenberg.  So, this should be fun.  I’ve been threatening to wear my pink chenille housecoat with the big ole flamingo on it, but I think I’ll opt for something more suitable for the political viewing audience by wrapping myself entirely in an American flag and calling everybody else unpatriotic.

I’ll let you guys know where to find me on election night!  If this is true, I’ll be the woman in black over in the corner whimpering.

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Juanita has never been a fan of Harry Reid’s.  “Best I can figure,” she says. “leadership ain’t a snug fit on him.”

“It seems to me that every time Reid forms a firing squad, he arranges them in a circle,” she continues.  “Now, I don’t want to see any Democrat lose on election night.  Okay, so maybe Blanche Lincoln and Joe Manchin are itchin’ for a much deserved whippin’ and I won’t head down to the ice house to celebrate with a cold one if they win.”

“But, I need someone to talk me down about being unattractively unremorseful if Harry Reid has to find another line of work,” she pleads.  “I believe we need another big duck in the puddle because this one ain’t paddlin’ near hard enough.”

“Honey, I suspect that I ain’t gonna find much to be happy about on election night, but I’ll be mildly amused if Harry Reid steps aside for a new bell cow.”

“There’s a story about former Texas Governor Jim Ferguson,” she says.  “One day when Jim arrived at a meeting, someone whispered, ‘All you owls better hunt hunt your holes — the eagle is here.’  Yeah, that’s the kind of person we need in the Senate.”

My friend Carl sent me this picture of a front yard in Houston.  Apparently, the heathen are applying for membership in Club Violence.

Honey, Texas could use some messing-with.

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The Texas Secretary of State has ruled that the Gadsden flag can be worn inside voting locations —

The Texas Election Code prohibits electioneering for or against any candidate, measure or political party (Sections 61.003, 61.010 and 85.036). It is the opinion of this office that people simply wearing a t-shirt or button with the wording “Don’t Tread on Me” displaying the coiled rattlesnake and nothing else are not electioneering for (nor does such action relate to) a candidate, measure or party and such action does not relate to the conduct of the election.

“Honey, the Gadsden flag is all over Texas Attorney General Gregg Abbott’s political signs,” she reminds folks.  “I mean, it’s bad enough that we have a State Attorney General who thinks we can and should secede.  But, for the Secretary of State to say it’s okay to wear his symbol into the voting booth is a tad overloaded with pure industrial grade extra-virgin crapola!”

“Can I wear a dead coyote and the rental agreement to my $10,000 a month Governor’s mansion into the poll?  I suspect not.  No, really, I don’t think they’d let me do that.  I mean, you’d think that would even the score, but not in Texas.”

“It’s good to own the state,” she shakes her head and rolls her eyes.

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I got a report this morning from my friends at Houston’s LGBT Political Caucus that one of their members got assaulted yesterday while campaigning at a poll. They warn —

Lately, we’ve all watched as opponents of equality have gotten more aggressive and more violent.From tackling and stomping on rival activists, to actual candidates ordering private security forces to arrest reporters, the thug mentality of the far right has gotten out of control.

Okay, so Juanita is asking me to issue a warning to Tea Party members, too.

“Honey, one of you nincompoops is gonna get all testosteroned-up and think you can shove a woman.  I am just warning you that we have planted Verdelia, Thelma, and  Miss Missy at polls in Texas.  They look like elderly ladies – just the kind you like to hit – but they will kick your butt so bad that your grandchildren will be born shaking.  They will whallop you over the head with their purses so hard that you will have to unzip your pants to see out.”

She continues, “We ain’t telling you where they are so just remember that if you feel the need to hit a woman, it could be a woman from this beauty shop.  We never, ever throw the first punch.  We do, however, throw the second seventeen punches.  The only time we turn the other cheek is when you see us sashaying away from your whipped hiney. ”

“You will end up on the 6 o’clock news reporting that an old lady did the Pecos Promenade up one side of you and down the other.”

Thelma ain’t no Gandhi.  You just need to know that.   She will fight a buzz saw and give it three turns head start.

So, be careful where you start a fight at the election polls.  I’m just saying.