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“I believe that this classifies as habitual crazy,” Juanita suspects. “East Texas rears its ugly head.  Y’all, it’s Leo Berman again.

A law proposed by an East Texas lawmaker would jail federal employees who enforce the new federal healthcare law. CBS 19 sat down with State Representative Leo Berman to talk about his proposed bill, and why he calls the law an assault on the U.S. Constitution.

No, he is not kidding.

“He’s willing to stand there and watch Granny die at the emergency room door while threatening nurses and doctors with the federal prison if they help her,” Juanita reports.  “And knowing Leo like I do, he’d let it be his own grandma and then blame Obama just so he could get facetime on the eveing news.”

“Leo Berman is means than a double eyed hurricane and dumb as bean dip.  That’s a fearsome combination.”

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We here at the World’s Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc., the Official Beauty Salon for the 2011 World Series, have just heard the almost worst news ever.

Apparently nothing says patriotism like the cold, hard steel of an M1911, .45-caliber handgun — designed with love by a local gunmaker.

Which is probably why Utah state Rep. Carl Wimmer (R) wants to make it Utah’s official state firearm.

The last thing Texas needs is an Official State Firearm but I see it happening anyway.  The floor debate would last several weeks, resulting in busted chandeliers, holes in the portrait of Jim Hogg, and powder burns on Dan Patrick’s hands.

I read something funny last week:  A dance hall is where you go to dance with your wife.  A honkey tonk is where you go to dance with someone else’s wife.  Juanita wants to add, “An ice house is where you go to test your firearm on someone else’s husband.

You know what’s a shame?  Alan Grayson didn’t get re-elected.

Grayson looks at Republicans who will make enough money to land on Boardwalk with three hotels if the Bush tax cuts are extended.  Here’s a few examples —

Limbaugh: $2.6M per year

Beck: $1.5M per year

Hannity: $1.0M per year

Palin: only $6.4K per year

Bush: only $1.8K per year

You do understand that Rush Limbaugh is just gonna use that money for drugs, right?  And Beck will blow it all on chalk.  Hannity?  Hairspray.

Juanita’s contention is that maybe we’re not doing these people any favors by giving them a tax cut.

Think about it.

Thanks to Paul for the heads-up.

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Remember Juanita telling you about Texas Congressvarmint Joe Barton who wanted to be Chairman of the House Energy and Commerce Committee so he could be General George Patton against President Obama?

Well, this time Smokey Joe even creeped-out the Republicans.  Even though Joe was ranking member of the committee, they picked a semi-sane Republican from Michigan for the job.

“Hellfire, even Republicans know bone dense dumb when they see it,” Juanita surmises.

“I don’t know who we’re gonna get to play George Patton for the next two years, but I’m sure the line is forming right now outside the Republican caucus door.”

She’s right about that!

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(Sorry, Momma, but I couldn’t help myself.  I know I have backsliding blisters on my butt, but sometimes you just gotta call them how you see them.  I promise not to say anything to embarrass you for at least the next hour.)

FreedomWorks, chaired by former House Majority Leader Dick Armey of Texas, continues to make the case for state House Republicans to dump incumbent Speaker Joe Straus, R- San Antonio.

The group continues to communicate with its 43,000 Texas members via e-mail, and Armey has also called GOP House members.

“This is a real opportunity for us and for the Tea Party movement and conservatives given this mandate,” says FreedomWorks spokesman Brendan Steinhauser. The Washington, D.C. based group promotes limited government, less taxes and more freedom.

FreedomWorks has not spent much money, Steinhauser said, noting “it doesn’t cost a lot to spread the word.”

“Nope,” Juanita says, “it doesn’t cost hardly a thing to make Breathing While Jewish illegal.”

“Why Dick Armey is not in a courtroom awaiting sentencing is totally beyond me,” she admits.

“I do not know why they continue to say ‘Dick Armey of Texas.’  He’s not even registered to vote here anymore.  We threw his butt outta Texas, but he keeps sneaking back across the border.”

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Texas Democratic State Rep Raymond Raymond, one of Juanita’s personal favorites, is holding some Republican feet to the fire this legislative session.

Richard Raymond: An Honest Man

Republican leaders in the Texas Legislature have already declared 2011 a no-new-taxes legislative session. With that in mind, one Democratic lawmaker wants to make sure his House colleagues are using the right definition of the word “tax.”

State Rep. Richard Peña Raymond, D-Laredo, plans to file a constitutional proposition that would classify fees, surcharges and other revenue-generating measures as taxes. With the state facing an estimated $15 billion to $28 billion budget shortfall, Raymond expects that lawmakers will look to those money-making methods to help close the gap. “Before you go starting to double or triple or quadruple what somebody pays for a driver’s license, for a birth certificate, for a hunting license,” he says, “I think we need to be honest with the people and call them taxes.”

“Republicans are trying to backdoor these taxes,” Juanita said.  “I think the poet Sir Paul McCartney said it best.”

She came in through the bathroom window
Protected by a silver spoon
But now she sucks her thumb and wanders
By the banks of her own lagoon

“Raymond is just making sure that Republicans have to remove their silver spoon and suck their thumbs before raising taxes the secret way,” Juanita smiles.

If you are inclined to agree with Richard Raymond that you can call a tax a fee, but it’s still a tax and Republicans need to get some honesty on, you can call his office at (512) 463-0558 and let them know you approve of his “Honesty in Taxation” constitutional amendment.