.

“Okay,” Juanita grins this morning over coffee and her newspaper, “here’s the news story of the day brought to you by the letters W, T, and F.”

“Texas Senator John Cornyn’s Dallas office gets what they deem a “suspicious package” and call the police.  The entire building is emptied and the bomb squad shows up,” she reports.

“Apparently,” she refers to the story, “it was a 14 inch long brown box, with an envelope and a return address on the front.  That alone is very suspicious because most of John Cornyn’s friends just send cash with a rubber band wrapped around it.”

“But,” she continues, “here’s the suspicious part.”

The box had a business-size envelope on the front and contained “miscellaneous cassette tapes and film,” [Deputy Police Chief Mark] Young said. He did not know what was on the tapes, but said the bomb-disposal crew deemed them no threat.

“I don’t know why they thought it was suspicious,” Young said.

The box and its contents were taken to a nearby vacant lot and blown up as a precaution, he said.

No arrests have been made, but Young said the envelope on the front of the box contained a return address and an investigation was ongoing.

“No threat but they blew it up anyway?”

“Honey, that is the suspicious part,” she says.  “Film and cassette tapes?  Was the return address Julian Assange?  That’s kinda odd, don’t ya think?”

“Nah,” replied Thelma.  “This is Texas.  We just love destroying things.  Nothing suspicious about that.”

.

And, dammit, we’re proud of it!

Texas ranks 50th among states in providing health care coverage and mental health services to children.

“And, Honey, we are not about to give up the crown.  You know the old saying that when you’re in a hole, quit digging.  Not in Texas, no siree, we’ve brought in a backhoe to see if there’s something beneath last,” Juanita says.

A news release announcing the study’s findings noted that the preliminary budget put forth last week by lawmakers in Austin eliminates nearly $1 out of every $4 the state needs to maintain services and schools at current levels.

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Verdelia made Truman a safety hat to watch Michelle Bachman’s speech tonight:

UPDATED:

I know a whole lot of people, including people I respect, think that CNN should not have broadcast Bachmann’s speech.

Juanita disagrees.

“I could have listened to it forty-leven dozen times,” she admits.  “It was a train wreck of monumental proportions.  Michelle, who I call Our Lady of Perpetual Insanity, gave her speech from a room at the nutcracker suite.  Honey, she made Bobby Jindal look like Cicero.”

“I kept looking over my left shoulder to see who she was talking to,” Juanita admits.  “She never would look at the camera, which is strange because that’s all she looks at when giving speeches on the House floor.”

“She’s making up history again.  It’s apparent that she just looks at the pictures in history books and makes up her own story to go behind them.  Not only does she not know anything, Honey, she don’t even suspect much.”

“By the way, Paul Ryan also gave a speech.  It wasn’t as good as Bachmann’s.”

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Juanita has long been amused at the Texas Republicans for passing the buck (literally) when it comes to funding.  Although they loudly and viciously oppose federal unfunded mandates, they don’t mind creating some of their own.

It is her theory that the Lege passes their fiscal problems along to the counties, who, in turn, pass it along to the cities.  Once the cities go bankrupt, funding all Texas governmental functions will rest on the shoulders of school districts.

“This,” Juanita lectures, “is why there’s a bill in the Lege to let schoolteacher carry handguns.  You gotta have police, and if all other government in Texas is bankrupt, school teachers, who the Lege assumes are shockingly underworked anyway, will be charged with the additional duties of law enforcement.  That’s a fact.”

Democrat Donna Howard filed an amendment —

The amendment to the resolution establishing the House rules would have required that any bill that would have a fiscal effect on local governments not come to the House floor for debate until after the budget has passed.

Howard said her proposal would have “prevented unfunded mandates going back to local governments” before lawmakers fully understand the state’s fiscal situation.

Her amendment failed. The matter was tabled, with votes falling along party lines.

The Texas Republicans in the Lege said they “agreed with the premise of the amendment but didn’t want to deal with it during the rule-making process.”

Yeah, right.  We get it.  All swagger and no guts.

“Times are tough, and the Republican Party, who created those tough times, are acting like Moses Rose,” Juanita concludes.  “Mark my words, they’re arming teachers for a reason.  But that’s okay, because having a gun aimed at your back while writing ‘I will not pass along unfunded mandates’ on the blackboard 100 times just might be what they need.”

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The Austin American Stateman’s John Kelso is taking some heat for his humor column about Texas First Lady Anita Perry being a tad too unpleased about being deep in the heart of Texas.

But, Anita Perry’s lack of a smile during the inauguration is diddle squat compared to what Juanita found among online pictures taken during the swearing-in.  It’s of Rick Perry’s parents (standing) and by gawd …..

The Emperor Palpatine.

Seriously.

.

No kidding.

Texas Gov. Rick Perry likes to tell Washington to stop meddling in state affairs. He vocally opposed the Obama administration’s 2009 stimulus program to spur the economy and assist cash-strapped states.

Perry also likes to trumpet that his state balanced its budget in 2009, while keeping billions in its rainy day fund.

But he couldn’t have done that without a lot of help from … guess where? Washington.

Turns out Texas was the state that depended the most on those very stimulus funds to plug nearly 97% of its shortfall for fiscal 2010, according to the National Conference of State Legislatures.

“So, now with a $27 million budget shortfall and no stimulus funds left, we’re up Perry Creek with no paddle.  Hell, we don’t even have a boat,”  Juanita stomps.

“So every time Perry badmouths DeeCee, please remember that he’d be just another unemployed hooker without them,” she shakes her head.