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Juanita was watching live when the Wisconsin State Senate truly looked like robots last night. They exchanged their brains and their souls for a script to read. They read it and now they’re going to a fundraiser.
First she cried. Both her grandpas fought long and hard for collective bargaining. Then she was astounded: “How can they do that? Can they do that? How?”
But then, oh be afraid, she got mad. And now she’s trying to find a way to get even.
Any suggestions?
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Newt Gingrich. Funny Guy. For sure.
Explaining his serial adultery to the Super DeLux Brand Christians —-
There’s no question at times of my life, partially driven by how passionately I felt about this country, that I worked far too hard and things happened in my life that were not appropriate,” Gingrich told CBN’s David Brody, in an interview taped at the Iowa Faith and Freedom Coalition and posted online Tuesday night.
“So, he transferred his passion for this country into passionately humping lots of women, huh? For God’s sake – nobody let him near the Statue of Liberty!” she warns.
“Okay, so he left his first wife because she had cancer. He left his second wife because she had multiple sclerosis. Can you even imagine what he’d do for people who need health care in America? Honey, there ain’t enough Viagra in the world for Newt to be President,” Thelma added.
Newt is so full of poopie del pollo. He truly is.
I’d rather have Bill Clinton back. At least he admitted he did it because it was fun.
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A raid at a Southern California house has turned up nearly 2,300 marijuana plants and a 50-pound alligator.
Brian Link, a commander with a state narcotics task force, said Tuesday that agents found the 4-foot-long gator in a back room of the indoor grow house surrounded by pot plants.
He said the house was a front for an unlicensed medical marijuana dispensary.
An animal rescuer who picked up the alligator said it wasn’t aggressive. Joel Almquist of Forever Wild Exotic Animal Sanctuary in Phelan described it as “very, very mellow.” He didn’t know whether the gator was used to guard the marijuana.
Guard? No.
Duh, of course he wasn’t aggressive. He was stoned.
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The Texas Tribune has a story this week that’ll make you shake your head so much that your ears won’t stay hooked on.
Todd Staples, aka Mr. Sleeze
Todd Staples, the barely sane Texas Commissioner of Agriculture, has taken it upon himself to provide a safe haven on a Texas government website for bigots and thugs to try to out-testosterone each other by calling for vigilante justice.
Staples has set up a special website for landowners along the border – or anyone else, even including Lou Dobbs if he wants to – to comment on a chat board. The commenters are suggesting tiger traps, landmines, and the occasional rabid animals as a way to deter anyone from crossing the border. They are using such literate comments as: “Killem all!!!! They are destroying or great country.”
Keep in mind that border cities in Texas are some of the safest places in the state – and far safer than Austin, for example. And double that with the fact that the Republican controll the United States Congress – the same party Staples belongs to – is where the funds for the border are being cut. Yet, Staples screams about the federal government being at fault, hoping that people will think that’s just Barack Obama.
“I wonder if Staples got himself some of that tiger blood,” Juanita laughs.
“Crazy man,” she mumbles as she walks off to get a case of hair spray to start the day.
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It looks like the sonogram bill may be headed for trouble in the Texas Lege. Not through any efforts of Democrats – although I do hear that a few of them are not doing diddle squat to quiet some of the Republican hurt feeling and rumors, which is always helpful.
The problem is between the Super Right Republicans in the House and the Smug Republicans in the Senate. It seems they cannot agree on exactly how mean, hateful, and patronizing they should be to women.
Dan Patrick - Rock Headed
Juanita knows for a fact that you could turn Texas Senator Dan Patrick upside down and use him for a drill bit. “If his head had a point, you could etch diamonds with him,” Juanita says.
And that’s where the problems begin.
Absent any real leadership, Dan kinda considers himself to be the President of Texas. He thinks he runs everything and has even been known to talk to the Brazos River about which direction it should should flow. Most people give him about as much attention as the river did.
So, there’s a traffic jam at the corner of Mean and Heinous. The Senate version of the sonogram bill is just mean – the House version is heinous and then some some.
Patrick said the best solution is for the House, with its overwhelming Republican majority, to take up the Senate bill, amend it to make it look like the House bill, and then get it into conference, where it could be pushed out as quickly as next week.
“We are going to pass a good sonogram bill at the end of the day,” he said. “This is not a bill to play politics with.”
“Whoa. Whoa. Pull in on them reins, Dan. This whole bill is politics. And playing politics is all Republicans know how to do. They have no clue how to govern,” Juanita stomps at the gall of a statement like that.
“So, if any of my friends in the Lege want to send notes to Sid Miller hinting that Dan Patrick is saying tacky things about his mother, I’d consider it an act of patriotism,” she grins.
And she’d probably throw in a free haircut, too.
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