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A couple of weeks ago, my Bubba, who is a writ twit and fairly active in Democratic politics, gets a phone call from Charles Soechting, the immediate past Chairman of the Texas Democratic Party.  Bubba was expecting the call because two or three of his close friends told him that Soechting was hunting him, and they had given Bubba a clue as to why.

Soechting is also a lawyer.  He does not live in this county.

Soechting called to ask Bubba to use all his influence and persuasive powers to keep any Democrat in Fort Bend County from running against  local Republican Judge Cliff Vacek.  Soechting, in his role as a trial lawyer, had just won a $4 million civil judgment in Vacek’s court and thought Vacek was “a good guy.”

Cliff Vacek: A mind free of complex thought

Cliff Vacek was appointed to the bench by Rick Perry in a $363000 backroom deal, and it got sleazier from there.  He was the judge who got the county to rent his old law office at a price that would have paid off the fair market value of the house in the 3 year term of the lease, and – hold on, now! –  even water his cattle at taxpayer expense.

And then there’s his real special, real favorite, real close personal “campaign manager”, Karen Pearson, who got famous for openly admitting that she made a $500,000  “loan” to a man she met at a high dollar slot machine in a dark, neon filled  casino.  Ms. Pearson’s full run of Vacek’s judicial chambers is not only bad manners, it leads to speculation that he’s campaign planning, among other things, on taxpayer property.  I know you can’t keep trouble from visiting, but you don’t have to offer her a chair.

I need to tell you something else about Judge Cliff Vacek.  You know the days they taught the Constitution in school?  He was absent that day.   Gizmo the three legged wonder dog knows more about the Constitution than Cliff Vacek does.

Vacek may not be the absolute worst judge in the county, but he’s giving it his best shot.  Even lawyers who slap him on the back and give him campaign donations wonder behind his back what he did with the money his momma gave him to go to law school.

Vacek is pathetic.  But apparently he is the darling of liberal trial lawyers.  He doesn’t believe in any of that Bill of Rights crapola but, boy howdy!, does it ever believe in helping other rich trial lawyers.

Bubba has had an awful bad month with Texas Democratic Party Chairman.  One of them wants him to help Republicans get elected, and the other does not want him talking about how to get Democrats elected.

More to come, probably.  Dammit.

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I think this is a biological fact only true in Texas.

Democratic Rep. Mike Villarreal, D-San Antonio, attacked an amendment by Rep. Randy Weber, R-Pearland, to take $8 million out of the program. Based on a foreign study, Weber argued that women who use contraception are more likely to have abortions. “You think contraception doesn’t work?” asked the Democrat. “Have you ever used contraception yourself?”

Weber was dismissive. “I don’t think I know you well enough to go down this road,” he said tersely.

But, if you use contraception…..?

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You know that things have become officially crazy when Republican Congressvarmint Eric Cantor  and his amigos passed a resolution in the House that says if the Senate doesn’t pass the House spending bill by April 6, the House spending bill becomes the — here, hold my beer and watch this — the Law of the Land.

“Actually, I think they said ‘the damn law of the damn land’ but they got permission to revise and edit,” Juanita says.

“Research in the fifth grade and slack-jawed watching of Schoolhouse Rock taught me that it don’t work that way,” she recalls.  “You can’t bypass the senate simply because they are hacking you off.  This is not always a pleasant alternative, but it is a required one.”

“But, here’s the important part.  This resolution, with 221 Republican votes, was so rightwing batcrap crazy that even Louie Gohmert – yes, Louie Gohmert! – voted against it.  Honey, when your political party bypassed the crazy marker set out by Louie Gohmert, you are twenty yards down-field of Sigmund Freudville.”

But there’s more.  There always is.

Texas Republican Pajama Man Blake Farenthold voted “present but not voting.’

“Somebody forgot to wake him up,” Juanita suspects.

“Texas:  Our Republicans are totally crazy.  But, at least some of them are asleep.”

Thanks to Gramian for the heads-up.

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There’s a story in Texas, probably true, about an old Texas Ranger who was plenty proud of himself.  So proud, the story goes, that his horse went blind from all the publicity photos flashbulbs.

We are very proud that Chief Deputy Craig Brady does not have a horse.  That sumbitch would be blind in one eye and unable to see out the other.

Most of y’all are keeping up with Craig Brady and his 4 year all-out campaign to be elected sheriff.

Part of his campaign plan is to wind up on the front page of the local newspaper once a week, come hell, high water or stomping on someone else’s courage.  Take, for example, last Friday —

You can click on the little one to get the big one.

It seems that Brady – not the old sheriff, who was probably on the golf course or casket cruising or something – gave an award to 5 deputies who did a helluva job cuffing some bank robbers.

Six deputies corralled the robbers.  And, one deputy got filled with more lead than a sinker factory and lived to tell about it.  Those are some tough dudes.

So, how come only one of them got their picture on the front page of the local newspaper?

Well, Darlin’, even though he wasn’t there, didn’t take a bullet, and is not the sheriff …. Chief Deputy Craig Brady obviously felt that what the townsfolks needed more than heroes is a  free campaign photo.

There’s gotta be a truckload of shame in there somewhere but I think Brady’s ego edged it out of the picture, too.

.Fort Bend ISD laid off 332 teacher last Friday, but Honey, they got even.

I don’t care who you are, that’s funny.

Remember, vote for me for Queen of Texas and this crapola ends.  No, there has been no announcement of any administrators laid off yet.  And Jenny hasn’t voluntarily taken a cut in any of his expense accounts.

(You can watch this at work if you cut off the sound.  You really don’t need the sound anyway.)

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Juanita has a new hero.  It is Florida Democratic State Senator Scott Randolph.

“They were having a debate in Florida about deducting union dues from a worker’s paycheck.  Republicans, of course, do not want to do that because it might make a tiny dent in the political spending they get from all that corporate campaign money that is given to Republicans instead of taxpayers,” Juanita explains.

“So,” she continues, “the Republicans somehow turned all this into a debate about government regulation.  Hell,

Juanita has a crush on Scott Randolph

Honey, they could turn a baptism at the river into somedamnthing about getting government out of our lives.”

“But,” she grins, “they hadn’t met Senator Scott Randolph.  He took the floor.”

At one point Randolph suggested that his wife [should] “incorporate her uterus” to stop Republicans from pushing measures that would restrict abortions. Republicans, after all, wouldn’t want to further regulate a Florida business.

“Now that’s a dandy idea.  I think the women of Texas should incorporate their uterus, name it, and let it make campaign donations and avoid taxes,” Juanita suggests.

But we are not to the good part yet.

This idea infuriated Republicans.  Not the part about incorporation.  They were upset about the u-t-e-r-u-s part.

Apparently the GOP leadership of the House didn’t like the one-liner.

They told Democrats that Randolph is not to discuss body parts on the House floor.

“The point was that Republicans are always talking about deregulation and big government,” Randolph said Thursday. “And I always say their philosophy is small government for the big guy and big government for the little guy. And so, if my wife’s uterus was incorporated or my friend’s bedroom was incorporated, maybe they (Republicans) would be talking about deregulating.

“It’s not like I used slang,” said Randolph, who actually got the line from his wife. He said Republicans voiced concern about young pages hearing the word uterus.

“I think it’s a sad commentary about what we think about sex education in the state,” he said.

“That,” announces Juanita,  “settles it.  I am writing a press release that says my uterus is named Big Thelma’s Honky Tonk, Inc., and my lungs have been incorporated under the name of Sequined Betty and the Bitchin’ Backhoes, and you do not even want to know what I’ve named my breasts, but they will not be paying taxes next year and that’s a promise.”

“Wouldn’t you be interested in knowing where Republicans think they came from?  I know I would,” she smiles.