My personal Congressvarmint, Capt. Pete Olson, has distinguished himself as being “not a brain surgeon.”  In fact, he’s slow as rush hour traffic in Houston.

So, when Pete was confronted with evidence that Eric Cantor is betting money on the economy tanking, Pete said that he didn’t believe his own lying eyes.  Admittedly, he blinks so much that he probably doesn’t see much.

So, would somebody stop Pete and the street and read him the Wall Street Journal?

Thanks to Kyle for the heads up!

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Bristol Palin came to the Fredericksburg, Texas, WalMart.  Our friend, Texas Trailer Park Trash, was almost there.

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Texas Republican Congressvarmint Pistol Pete Sessions, who got his name for shooting off his mouth all the time, has gone into the cosmetology business.

Hair on January 6th of this year.

Hair last week —

Redheads have all the fun!

Republican men and their hair:  what a love affair!

Thanks to David Arm for the heads up!

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Michelle Bachmann is determined to make everyone behave her way, dammit, even if it means bringing back slavery.

Michelle signed a … well, I dunno what to call it … how about a Sanctimonious Statement from the Belles of Heaven Republican Women’s Brigade, perhaps.  It’s an extraordinary document that’s damned and determined to remind us that Newt is so good at marriage that he’d done it three times, Romney belongs to some cult thing, and that Bristol  Palin didn’t spend enough time in slavery.

There’s probably only about 6 Republicans who could sign this sucker without going straight to hell for lying.  Even then, I think you can go straight to hell for even signing it because it is evil.

You can click here to read it.  I’ll wait for you to get back.  I hope you can get to the part that says that “Robust childbearing and reproduction is beneficial to U.S. demographic, economic, strategic, and actuarial health and security” (emphasis theirs) before you start throwing up.

Yes, it is good to reproduce.  Unless, that is, if you are poor or black.

Slavery had a disastrous impact on African-American families, yet sadly a child born into slavery in 1860 was more likely to be raised by his mother and father in a two-parent household than was an African-American baby born after the election of the USA‟s first African-American President.

That’s just a cracker infested insult to all that is holy.  Slavery tore African American families apart.  Children were ripped away from their parents and sold for profit.  You’d think they’d know that from studying history, and if they didn’t study history, you’d think they at least watched Roots.

I’m practically certain that everyone is going to find something creepy in that document.   I think the whole thing is two shades meaner than the devil himself.

“Honey, I’d rather eat red beans with a pitchfork than live like Michelle Bachmann wants me to,” Juanita says.  “I mean, each to their own, but I think being married to a gay man would be very boring unless you’re another gay man.  Of course, Michelle Bachmann would know more about that than I do.”

Thanks to Laura and Ralph for the heads up.

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Republican Gubbernor Bobby Jindal of Louisiana has signed a bill into law that would require signs in abortion clinics and a website to inform women about abortion alternatives.

Jindal signed House Bill 636 by Rep. Frank Hoffman, R-West Monroe, into law Wednesday in front of a crowd at the First Baptist Church of West Monroe.

Now, in case you’re wondering why the gals at The World’s Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc., are tossing hairbrushes at a picture of Bobby Jindal that Juanita posted on the Ladies Room door, it’s because he has a really bad attitude about women.

Bobby Jindal explains the justification for the signs in abortion clinics —

“When officers arrest criminals today, they are read their rights,” he said. “Now if we’re giving criminals their basic rights and they have to be informed of those rights, it seems to me only common sense we would have to do the same thing for women before they make the choice about whether to get an abortion.”

“Okay, Bobby,” Juanita sighs, “one more time I’m gonna tell you this — Sweetie, women are not criminals, nor are we in any way like criminals.  Nor are we children.  Nor are we all getting up every day and hitting the grind merely because we find joy in pissin’ you off.”

“Darlin’, I know you consider women to be the gender who need a man to make signs telling us what to do, but that’s generally only acceptable behavior when you do not want to get hit.  If you try to tell me what I should do, the least you’re gonna get is a cold, icy stare that will field dress and tag you on the spot.”

“Meanwhile, Bobby,” she concludes, ” speaking of criminals, I want to know who it was that stole your brain.  And, you can throw away your poster board and Magic Marker before I stuff them up your nose.”

Thanks to Ralph for the heads-up.

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The good news is that it looks like Crazy Leo Berman is not going to run for re-election to the Texas House.  That’s really, really good.

The bad news is that Republicans have found an equally crazy younger man to take his place.

Naval Reserve Lt. Cmdr. Matt Schaefer, U.S. Sen. John Cornyn’s East Texas regional director, will announce his run for District 6 seat occupied by state Rep. Leo Berman, R-Tyler, at 1:30 p.m. today at Donnybrook Automotive, 401 Troup Highway in Tyler.

Schaefer, 35, said he believes his life experiences, from West Texas peanut fields to Afghanistan, will translate into effective representation for East Texas.

Oh Lord, help us.

Honey, his wife is the Interim Director of the Tyler Junior College Apache Belles,  (Fair warning:  mute your sound before you click that clink, but do click that link.) which is a birthing room for future Miss Texas candidates.  The two met at Green Acres Baptist Church.  So, you figure he’s not real big on that women’s lib stuff.  I used to say that God didn’t give me a daughter because she’d grow up to be an Apache Belle just to spite me and I’d have to disown her.

Y’all, we need to find out where they are harvesting these bozos and stop them.