Like most Republican best selling authors, Rick Perry did not read his own book.

Juanita says she can hardly blame him.  “There’s plenty of stuff I want to know about on God’s green earth, but how to shoot coyotes with a laser sighted pistol ain’t one of them,” she smiles.  “I figure Rick don’t know much else worth telling.”

But, Rick’s campaign says that his book, which ain’t exactly flying off the shelves, “is a look back, not a path forward.”

It was written “as a review and critique of 50 years of federal excesses, not in any way as a 2012 campaign blueprint or manifesto,” Mr. Sullivan said.

Oh, so he can tear down a barn, but he can’t build one.

I’m glad we got that much settled.

It’s probably a good thing he’s fed up, because I sure don’t see him in the kitchen cookin’ anything.

Thanks to David for the heads-up.

Texas Republican Congressvarmint Lamar Smith, whose district is drawn to look like a monkey riding a horse to insure his election, is pretty much one of those guys who is so slick that he can’t keep his socks up.  He’s chairman of the House Judiciary Committee.

His goal in Congress this week:  to embarrass the President of the United States of America.

Seriously.

President Obama’s administration announced it would prioritize deportation hearings, taking the most serious criminal offenders first, rather than targeting those who are probably very nice people and just here illegally.

Lamar Smith pitched a walleyed snot nosed hissy fit about anything that reasonable.  He marched his prissy butt over to talk radio and hollered —

SMITH: As to what our recourse is, what we can do, we can do a couple things, at least in the House where the Republicans are in the majority. We can conduct hearings, oversight hearings, we can pull in administration officials, make them testify under oath, find out what’s going on, try to, frankly, embarrass the President and push back and get the American people on our side to push back against the administration.

So, here’s what I’m going to do.

Here’s the picture Lamar Smith uses on his congressional website and in official photos:

And here’s what he really looks like:

Embarrased, Lamar?

And that explains why he only goes on radio.

By the way, Lamar stopped his plans to have hearings on jobs to start this Embarrass The President of the United States of America Tour.

Thanks to Lorraine for the heads-up.

Most of you remember Debbie Riddle, our State Representative who slept in the hallway of the State House for three days in order to be the first to file an anti-immigrant bill, but you could hire undocumented workers if they were part of your household staff.  And there was the terror babies and the starve the children thing.

Hairspray and Cobwebs

Debbie, with all her sanctimonious finger wagging, has come up with a scam that even the slimiest member of the Lege hasn’t tried yet.

The men and women who are inmates at the Texas Department of Corrections make stuff.  Gorgeous stuff.  They make the leather chairs used in the Lege and breath-taking leather goods.

Members of the Lege can purchase these things, but they cannot resell them.

But, Debbie Riddle figured out that she can give them away in exchange for a “donation.” Not a sell, mind you, but a donation to her political campaign.

Most folks say it doesn’t pass the smell test.  Hell, it doesn’t even pass the see or touch test.

Debbie is holding a fundraiser.

In her invitation, Riddle includes several “participation” levels: $1,000, $3,000, $5,000, $10,000, $15,000 and $20,000.

Each level of payment is awarded a corresponding gift, including the Capitol furniture produced by Texas prisoners. A color brochure with photographs of each gift was thoughtfully folded into the “Leadership Summit” invitation.

“Please note the donor gift items are exclusive and cannot be purchased on the open market,” Riddle advises. “The descriptions seem inadequate for most of these items, and you will find an enclosure with photographs to show their beauty.”

Juanita has read the Texas Ethics Commission code on what you can spend campaign fund on.  The answer:  damn near anything!  Hell, you can buy a car with those funds.

“Oh Good Lord, Woman!” Juanita shouts toward East Texas, “Don’t you ever wag your church lady finger in my face again.  Donation, my sweet patootie!  You’re selling it to make money that you can spend, you money slut.”

Republicans can find a loophole in the Ten Commandments and the Law of Gravity.

Rick Perry and his cronies talked the gullible in Texas into deregulating electricity.

“You’ll save like maybe a million dollars with competition,” they told us.  “Your electricity will be brighter and more cheerful,” they said.

Instead, power supply has fallen into disrepair, and the consumer hasn’t saved a dime.  It took my Momma two weeks to get power after the last hurricane.  Hell, they got power into third world countries quicker than that.

Now we’re told that back-to-school day may cause the grid to fail …. again.

Yeah, you folks from foreign states:  Elect Rick Perry and your child will be able to study by candlelight, just like Abe Lincoln.

They say it might happen.  They say that Sarah Palin might enter the race.

She sees Rick Perry come flying out of the chute like double geared lightening and then crash head and feet first into the restraining wall.  It was terribly exciting the whole 12 seconds it lasted.

And Michele Bachmann’s “cured” gay husband has a better than average chance of relapsing with all those hunky Marine guards around the White House.

Mitt Romney is Morman.  Republicans think that if Mormans didn’t want to be confused with Muslims, they would have named themselves something else, like maybe … I dunno, Presbyterians.

The way Juanita figures it is, “Well, that whole Vice Presidential candidate going rogue thing didn’t work out too well and will certainly keep her off the second spot this time around.  So it’s go for broke or go home.  And we all know how much Sarah dislikes home.”

Juanita has a point.  We could get very lucky with Sarah entering the race.

I am going to pretend to be a blogger, and we’ll see how that works.  The meeting is open to the public and they’ll probably let you in.

I am a member of two Texas Democratic Women’s Groups – Coaster Bend and Southwest Suburban – so we might make it three if they let me join.

I don’t know what to make of the “Chicks Dig Bloggers” comment, but chicks are my favorite gender.  No offense to Bubba, Bubba Jr. or Little Bubba.