Juanita Jean Herownself is a tad hacked-off at Eric Cantor.  Well, that’s probably an understatement.  Actually, she’s so mad that if she didn’t sweat, she’d catch on fire.

With all Eric Cantor’s talk about not allowing the United States of Damn America to respond to citizens in disaster unless we first cut food to the poor or health care for little baby children, Juanita is fit to be tied.

“I just want Cantor to know that I heard rumors this morning that a hurricane might be scheming to direct itself right at my house over Labor Day weekend.   I have other plans Labor Day weekend that do not include being hunkered down in the bathtub with Jim Cantore in my front yard hollering, ‘Holy Crap!  There’s a damn cow flying by,'” she says.

Needs a good switching

“We’ve had a killer drought here with three year old catfish who haven’t learned to swim yet, and the temperature only drops below 110 degrees when you finally give up and climb into the refrigerator to sleep.  We haven’t been allowed to barbeque with an open fire in three months so we’re all in a foul mood to start with.  If a hurricane hits here we’ve got 100 year old oak and pecan trees that are so brittle they’ll snap like Legos and with the ground like concrete, there’s no place for the water to go, except, of course, my bathtub, where I’m hiding.”

She continues, “Now I’m not saying this is Eric Cantor’s fault.  I know it probably is, but I’m not saying that.  What I am saying is that if we have a disaster here, Eric Cantor better not be talking about not feeding little poor children so he can send somebody in a uniform to haul my bruised butt out from under Jim Cantore, my bathtub and a couple of trees.”

“I am a mean woman,” she reminds us. “I can walk to Virginia with Jim Cantore and an oak tree branch and switch Eric Cantor’s hiney until that little prissy sucker is begging to rebuild my house hisownself if need be.  And I’ll do it, too, because hypocrisy ought to be painful.”

“Lookie here,” she says.

House Majority Leader Eric Cantor’s insistence that federal disaster aid be offset elsewhere in the budget runs directly counter to his position in the past when the money went to help his Virginia district.

In the summer of 2004, after Tropical Storm Gaston slammed into Richmond, Cantor was on the front lines of efforts to secure millions of dollars in federal assistance to clean the wreckage and repair damaged infrastructure. Although the funding was not offset, Cantor cheered its arrival.

“Now, would somebody please explain to me why 2004 Virginia butt is more important than 2011 Texas butt?  Huh, would you?”

Eric Cantor’s spokesman tried —-

Cantor spokesman Brad Dayspring said Tuesday that the nation’s’ fiscal environment was different in 2004, when the federal debt was just under $7.4 trillion – roughly half the figure today.

But budget hawks – as well as many Democrats – have charged Republicans with hypocrisy for focusing on deficit reduction now after years of deficit spending themselves. Democrats note that GOP leaders chose not to fund the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan or Medicare’s prescription drug benefit – all Bush-era programs that helped turn a projected budget surplus at the end of the Clinton administration into trillions of dollars of debt.

“And that’s why Eric Cantor needs me to go cut a switch right now and start walking to Virginia,” she stomps.

When Judge Sam Sparks slammed his boot down on top of all the Texas Lege’s work to keep women down, we started to hope that Voter ID will be overturned as well it should be, and the Justice Department will say that congressional district drawn to look like a pig riding on a monkey while wearing a fedora are not at all funny and/or legal.

This would mean that the entire Texas Legislative session accomplished diddle squat.  They took over the Lege and everything they did was unconstitutional, so they can just go shove that Founding Fathers crapola  up their big fat smelly noses.

I was in Galveston last weekend to attend a reception honoring Democratic members of the State Lege who didn’t back up or back down.  My own personal State Rep, Ron Reynolds, was honored.  Thanks to Marcey Casey’s creative and wonderful video skills, here’s some of what Ron Reynolds said.

We’re Ready, Ron!

Judge Sparks just released his decision in the Texas sonogram case.  Check here for background.

The World’s Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc’s Mad Dawg Legal Team (Bubba,  Lil’ Bubba, and Mrs. Lil’ Bubba) is sorting through it right now and will have comments later.

Here’s the decision if you want to wade through it.  Sparks has issued a temporary injunction on the bill.  He gave the plaintiffs the right to proceed as a class action lawsuit.  That’s good news.

Okay, he held three parts of the bill to be unconstitutionally vague.  He also held that forcing a doctor to read the state mandated script was a violation of the doctor’s First Amendment rights.  That’s great news.

My favorite quotes from the injunction —

Page 20 footnote:   2 It is ironic that many of the same people who zealously defend the state’s righteous duty to become intimately involved in a woman’s decision to get an abortion are also positively scandalized at the government’s gross overreaching in the area of health care.

Page 22 on forcing a woman to listen to a description of the fetus:   the State of Texas wishes to force a particular message upon a captive, and potentially unwilling, audience. While the Court acknowledges the intuitive logic of Plaintiffs’ argument, and there surely are limits to the government’s power to impose whatever message it desires, on whomever it likes, under any circumstances it desires, those limits seem fairly undefined, at least as applied to this case.

Page 50:  The Act does not compel physicians to apprise women of the risks inherent in abortion, inform the women of available alternatives, and facilitate access to additional information if the women wish to review it before making their decisions; existing Texas law already compels such speech by physicians, in conformity with Casey. Instead, the Act compels physicians to advance an ideological agenda with which they may not agree, regardless of any medical necessity, and irrespective of whether the pregnant women wish to listen. These factual differences persuade the Court that Casey does not foreclose Plaintiffs’ First Amendment challenge to the Act.

In short, you could not wipe the grin off my face with a stick of dynamite tonight.  If State Senator Dan Patrick isn’t limping this evening it’s because he hasn’t read and/or  doesn’t understood this injunction.   He’s been kneecapped.  And he’s been kneecapped in a way that will hold up to the Supreme Court.

Rick Perry said that Washington DeeCee is sleazy.

He knows that because he’s The Sleaze King, so he gets to bestow such honors.

Let me show you just one more reason why he wears the sleaze crown.

Since Rick Perry joined the presidential race this month, his campaign entourage has included not just the standard array of political advisers and aides, but a squad of Texas law enforcement agents.

The security forces scout and secure locations days in advance. Well before the governor’s visit to Tommy’s Country Ham House in Greenville, S.C., last weekend, more than a half-dozen suited and armed agents were giving orders to the crowd of more than 400.

How much is this ever-present phalanx of state policemen costing the taxpayers of Texas? They won’t know at least until after next year’s presidential election, thanks to a provision, tucked into a school finance bill in July, that will keep the governor’s travel records sealed for 18 months.

So, Rick is spending my money but I can’t know how much until AFTER the Presidential election.

Head on over and read the article so you’ll know what we’ve paid for so far, keeping in mind that we roped, hogtied and field dressed education funding this year in Texas.

By the way, this is not Rick Perry’s new campaign bus.  No matter what you hear in the librul media, it is not.

He designed it, but it’s not his exactly.  It belongs to Dave Carney, who lets Rick drive  drive it slowly on the driveway every Saturday.  But not on Monday, definitely not on Monday.  He’s an excellent driver.

Thanks to Karen for the reminder about the story and Robin for the great picture.

There is an article in today’s Houston Chronicle that contends Rick Perry has the Teahadist vote in the Republican primary so won that he can stuff it, mount it, hang it over the fireplace and open his house for the home tour.

Oh wait, he doesn’t live in his house.  He lives in my house.  I pay $10,000 a month for it.

That aside, he’s got the Teahadist vote.  They quote a Gallup poll that says —-

A new Gallup Poll shows that the Texas governor has the backing of 35 percent of Republican primary voters who identify with the Tea Party movement — nearly three times the support garnered by any other candidate.

They say this is a big whoop because  —

Gallup found that 58 percent of likely GOP primary voters consider themselves Tea Party supporters.

Well, hell, this sucker is over.  Let’s inaugurate that dude and let him move into the White House.

Not so fast, mathematicians.

He’s got 35% of the 58% of the 49% of people who vote Republican in Presidential elections.  That’s a third of not quite two-thirds of a half.  If you wanna chart it, that ain’t even a whole piece of pie.

Babe, I am fully ready to admit that 2008 is not going to happen again.  A whole bunch of progressives are peeved at President Obama.  But I am also certain that 2010 is not going to happen again either because 2010 scared the poop outta progressives, teachers, parents, mainstream people of faith, and folks who work for a living.

Alfredo over at the Dairy Queen calls Rick Perry “Barry Goldwater with Hair.”  If those numbers hold up, Rick Perry will not do as well as Barry Goldwater.  Hell, he won’t do as well as Barry Manilow.

Darlin’, Rick Perry is Michele Bachmann without the shrill, but he’s working on it.  I heard him give a speech the other day – it made dogs howl.

To hear Rick Perry tell it, Abe Lincoln grew up in Beverly Hills.

Although his father was a county commissioner, to hear Rick tell it they were so poor that even their cockroaches starved to death.  He claims he didn’t have indoor plumbing, electricity or a window to let air in until he was ready for prom.

Although he’s been on the public teat all his life, which admittedly include some very nice federal farm subsidies, Rick Perry is a millionaire.

How the hell did that happen?  Welcome to the pay to play state.

Since his first race for office more than a quarter century ago, Gov. Rick Perry has emphasized his roots as a rural farmer.

Yet Perry’s bank account no longer reflects those humble beginnings as his bottom line has soared in recent years, records show, thanks largely to a handful of real estate deals that critics allege were achieved through the presidential candidates’s political connections.

In just about every campaign Perry has run since 1989, allegations of his using his position for financial gain have come up. It’s an issue Perry long ago accepted would linger as long as he remains in the public eye.

Perry is required to file his first financial disclosure form with the Federal Elections Commission by Sept. 15. He can request up to two 45-day extensions.