I have decided that Republican brains do not work the same as mine.

Vaneta Becker: She protects your ears, bygawd!

With all the problems facing the world today, Indiana State Senator Vaneta Becker has decided that the most pressing problem is that some people don’t sing the national Anthem properly.

I’m not saying that she’s specifically referring to me, but there is a strong possibility that she is.  I can carry a tune pretty well, but I just can’t unload it worth a damn.  You recall when Rick Perry shot that coyote?  I don’t have to do that.  I just start singing to them and they commit suicide.

So, I was distraught to read that Ms. Becker came up with some rules for singing Jose, Can You See before baseball games.  In order to perform the National Anthem at a school or university you must follow these rules —

Performers would have to sign a contract agreeing to follow the guidelines. Musicians — whether amateur or professional — would be fined $25 if it were deemed they failed to meet the appropriate standards.

…What is and what is not “acceptable,” according to Becker’s bill, would be determined by the State Department of Education, with input from the Commission for Higher Education.

Becker said she would expect the guidelines to require that the national anthem be sung with the usual lyrics to the traditional melody — “the way that we normally have it sung or heard throughout most of our state and our country.”

Apparently Jimi Hendricks has arisen and has gotten a gig singing at the opening of K-Marts in Indianapolis and must be stopped!  Plus, Aretha Franklin is destroying little children’s minds in Evansville.

And, by gawd, $25 will make them straighten up and fly right.

Thanks to Carl for the heads up and thanks to Vaneta Becker for starting this year off right.

I know a lot of you have waited patiently, so you’ll be glad to know that Glen Maxey’s book about Rick Perry is out and you can buy it on paper.

Your favorite hairdresser/unblogger/eyeliner maven wrote the Glen Maxey cover story for the current edition of OutSmart, which is kinda odd considering that I am neither.  You can read about it here.  Or, better yet, click here to see how it looks in real life.

The cover looks adorable and you’ll be happy to know that Glen went out and bought a Brokeback Mountain jacket just for the photoshoot.  After all, if Rick Perry did his anti-gay ad wearing one, the least Glen could do is remind people that Rick Perry likes to dress like a gay cowboy.

You can either buy it from Amazon as an electronic or paper copy, or from Glen directly.  Glen says:  Mail orders: $19.99 + $1.64 tax+ $1 postage = total $22.63 and email me your address to glen@glenmaxey.com  Send checks or cash to Glen Maxey P O Box 2505, Austin 78768. I trust you and you trust me (I’ll mail immediately).

If you tell him that you know Juanita, he’ll even autograph it for you.

Let me assure you that the book is far more entertaining than the interview.  Interviews have to be serious.  It’s the law or something.

Okay, so I admit it’s only 8:00 in the morning and I just got up so no telling if I won the lottery last night or lost 10 pounds in my sleep, but so far this tops everything else that’s happened this year ….

After years of me nagging him about it, Kellybee finally got his own blog.

You’re gonna love it.  I’m gonna link to it.

If you Twitter, you’re gonna want to follow him there, too:  @KellyBWalker.

Let’s hear it.

Also, this is pretty cool.  It’s live webcams all over the damn place.

Happy New Year, Y’all.

While you’re waiting for the ball to drop or the police to arrive to get Uncle Melvin off the roof with his shotgun, celebrating Texas style – drunk and armed, here’s a little quiz to see how much you’ve learned about Republicans this year.

Gail Collins at the New York Times stumped me a couple of times.

Thanks to Brain for the heads-up.

Get this from Newt Gingrich:

“It was a positive, issue-oriented campaign that fall,” he told the Rotarians. He said he had wanted to do the same in the presidential campaign but had been blindsided by how nasty and “cynical” the contest was.

This from the man who created the politics of personal destruction.  The man who, along with his former friend Tom DeLay, vaulted Rush Limbaugh type politics to the forefront.

Whining.  Victimized.  Crying for his Momma.  Yeah, yeah, the same Momma who told Connie Chung that Newt called Hillary Clinton “a bitch.”

Oh Karma, you are a sweetheart sometimes.

Don’t you know that Bill Clinton is chuckling just a little bit right now? He lived to see Newt Gingrich self-destruct in flaming self-pitying glory not once, but twice.