Jay Kimbrough is a long time close friend and confidant of Governor Rick Perry.  That means he’s the guy who slams the closet door every time one of Rick’s femur bones tries to fall out.

Jay the Closet Door Holder

He has held about every job there is to hold in Texas government and hasn’t done any of them worth a flip.  But he needs an income and so jobs are created for him.  His last job didn’t work out too well.

Kimbrough made news last fall when he was abruptly ousted from his $300,000-a-year job as deputy chancellor of the Texas A&M System and brandished a pocket knife in the presence of university lawyers after they advised him that he was terminated.

Since he’d already held every other job on the taxpayer’s teat in Texas, they had to create a new one for him.  So, the Department of Public Safety created a brand new position for him.  He will oversee Homeland Security for DPS.  His salary is $147,500, and he starts Monday.

Yes, we already have a Homeland Security director for Texas.  In 2003, that position was held by — wait for it — Jay Kimborough, but that didn’t work out too well.

However, Kimborough is so danged qualified that he’s going to start the job next Monday, even before it is officially approved on February 16th.  Because, dammit, Texas needs all the Homeland Security directors it can get!   And if we have to fire 2 and half teachers to pay for one, so be it.  What do you want?  Educated kids or several guys arguing over who’s in charge?  Yeah, Texas needs more arguing old white guys protecting the Governor’s reputation.

I’m thinking about submitting an application to be Deputy Homeland Security Director of the third floor women’s bathroom at the state capitol.  I’m sure that job pays at least $100 grand a year and, as far as I know, that bathroom is totally unprotected from terrorist attack.  If only I had some dirt on Rick Perry …..

Helluva job, Kimmy!

Thanks to Barry for the heads-up.

Thanks to a customer who has the fortitude to subscribe to all the Republican stuff to keep up with what the crazies are doing, we have this snickeroo —

Click the little one to get the big one.  Or, click here to see the whole thing.

They had to cut their ticket price in half to get people to come.  They couldn’t get the illustrious Andrew Breitbart to come because they couldn’t even cover his travel expenses, but, hey, that’s no small amount considering that Breitbart has to buy an extra seat for his ego and an entire overhead compartment for his gall.  Besides, the chemical reaction of bacon grease, Aqua Velva, and burning mental health that surrounds Breitbart has been known to cause cancer in cockroaches.

Okay, that was mean.  I shouldn’t have said that.

Want me to say it again?

Kiddos, it’s a true blessing that Breitbart can’t come.  Texas air is bad enough as it is.

You know the dog, Seamus, that Mitt Romney put on the roof of the car for a 12 hour trip?

Yeah, the one that got sick all over Romney’s car to pay him back?

Well, Seamus asked for asylum in Canada.

Mitt Romney may not have told the whole truth about the scandalous tale of his Irish Setter, Seamus, being strapped to the roof of his car during a 12-hour family road trip to Canada. According to a trusted Politicker tipster, two of Mr. Romney’s sons had an off-record conversation with reporters where they revealed the dog ran away when they reached their destination on that infamous journey in 1983.

Mr. Romney’s wife, Ann, has previously said Seamus survived the trip and went on to live to a “ripe old age.” As of this writing, Mr. Romney’s campaign has not responded to multiple requests for comment on this story.

I guess he filed papers as a Prisoner of Car and asked for the Geneva Convention to do something, dammit.

Thanks to Deb for the heads-up.

Rick Perry.  He ain’t finished with embarrassing Texas.  And aren’t we delighted to know that?

First off, it’s interesting to note that he raised $5.5 million from less than 60 donors.  They were corporations and 1%ers.  But, since he spent $1,000 per vote he got, he needed some cash.

If you get to looking at some of these donors, take note of some place called the Heritage Bag Company in Carrollton, Texas.

They gave him $100,000.  They  make industrial strength trash bags.

And how does Heritage Bag Company make enough money to give that kind of political donation?

Well, they seem to not only make bags, they also produce Medicare fraud.  From a 2007 70-page pleading in Federal Court we find swearings of threats and all manner of other crapola from Heritage.  Click the little one to read the big one.

In 2002, the New York Times started asking questions about Heritage Bags, too, and their odd dealing with Novation.

Also in 2002, in an unrelated case, the SEC charged Heritage Bags and CEO / co-owner Carl Allen with “participating in a massive financial fraud at the U.S. Foodservice subsidiary of Dutch food conglomerate Royal Ahold.”

So, you can see how Heritage Bag Company would just love pay-to-play-and-look-the-other-way  Rick Perry.

And, I’m sure you can also see why this contribution wasn’t disclosed until after Perry dropped out of the race.

Now, I’m not saying that if you look at all Perry’s donors, you can probably find other examples of shady characters like this, but …. oh hell, who am I kidding?  That’s exactly what I’m saying.

Thanks to Alfredo at the Dairy Queen for good coffee and conversation this morning.

Longtime customer and good friend Fenway Fran came up with a grand idea in the comment section that I did not want you to miss.

You can donate as little as $5. to Planned Parenthood and they will send a thank you note to the person you wish to honor with your donation.

That’s pretty cool, because you can chose to honor:

Karen Handel
Senior VP of Fail
c/o Susan G. Komen Foundation
P.O. Box 650309
Dallas, TX 75265-0309

Come on, you’ve got $5. to make a large point, don’t you?

Then, you can also go here, and select “Report Improper Conduct” from the drop-down box and leave a comment that politicizing breasts is improper and that women will die because of their decision.  That’s heavy improper.

And, just because I need to hone my reputation as a crazy mean woman, I am mailing Ms. Handel a coat hanger.

Thanks to Fenway Fran for the dandy idea.

Okay, after much calculus and adding, we have a winner for our Florida primary Republican Presidential Mud-a-thon and Gala.

It came down to a tie between Kyle, who hit two of the numbers right on the nose and predicted the large gap between Gingrich and Romney, and Maria, who also predicted the gap and hit one of the numbers smack dab in dead solid perfect head.  We decided to draw for the winner and Kyle won fair and square.  However, Maria was so close that I am going to send her a consolation prize from my vast array of Obama swag.

Thank you for playing.  We have Maine and Super Tuesday coming up so we’ll be awarding more prizes to our contest entering customers.