Sometimes I worry that if I really – no, honestly really – go nuts, who can I go see about that?

I mean, most psychologists I know are floating around on glossamer wings as it is, so confronted by someone with even the most obvious mental health issues, they get too hot not to cool down.

Case in point:  Dr. Keith Ablow.  I am told that is not a made-up name.  Somebody is even willing to swear to it.

Ablow: Psychiatrist to Fox news

Dr. Ablow works for Fox News.  Okay, right there off the bat, you gotta figure something’s wrong.   I mean, this guy stood there and watched as Glenn Beck melted into a pile of cognitive dissonance right there on your electric teevee screen, and apparently did nothing.

But, then there’s this:  Dr Ablow thinks Newt Gingrich is super delux and on sale right now and would be a great President because … get this … not one, but three women found him worth mating with.  Holy cow!  I never even thought of it that way.  But then again, I’m not certifiably crazy.

Oh no, I am not making this up.  It’s so insane that even Fox News had to put the word “really” in the headline:

Newt Gingrich’s three marriages mean he might make a strong president — really

And what follows is the stuff that mental health hospitals deal with everyday.  Delusions.  Dr Ablow writes with what I sincerely hope is not a sharp object —

I want to be coldly analytical, not moralize, here. I want to tell you what Mr. Gingrich’s behavior could mean for the country, not for the future of his current marriage. So, here’s what one interested in making America stronger can reasonably conclude—psychologically—from Mr. Gingrich’s behavior during his three marriages:

1) Three women have met Mr. Gingrich and been so moved by his emotional energy and intellect that they decided they wanted to spend the rest of their lives with him.

2) Two of these women felt this way even though Mr. Gingrich was already married.

3 ) One of them felt this way even though Mr. Gingrich was already married for the second time, was not exactly her equal in the looks department and had a wife (Marianne) who wanted to make his life without her as painful as possible.

Conclusion: When three women want to sign on for life with a man who is now running for president, I worry more about whether we’ll be clamoring for a third Gingrich term, not whether we’ll want to let him go after one.

Wait a minute!  Wait a minute!  Wait just a damn minute!  Is Dr. Ablow suggesting in any possible way, shape or form that I am anything, and I mean anything, like Callista Gingrich?  That the two of us want any of the same things?  Because if that’s what he’s saying, he’s looking at a swarm of this really mad woman upside his head.

And Dr. Ablow thinks Marianne wanted to make Newt’s “life as painful as possible?”  Where the fool tarnation did that come from?  Newt’s moon base?  Dr. Ablow, Honey Honey Honey, women who do not want to be in a threesome with their husband’s ho are not necessarily being mean.  Sometimes they’re just being realistic – I mean, how does one dress for such things and where do the thank you notes go?

And where does Ablow get the idea that Newt is “not exactly her equal in the looks department.”  That I agree with.  Newt is a whole lot better looking than Callista.

Ablow’s next argument is proof of that glossamer wing thing.  He says that Newt had to deliver “incredibly painful truths” to two wives.  And … it’s coming so take cover … that would be the exact same thing Newt can do to Congress, because he’s had experience at it.  Oh Lord, I could not make that up, but if I could I’d be famous.

This guy’s a psychiatrist.  Johns Hopkins. They let him talk on television.

So Newt would be a great President because he’s been married three times?  I would like to introduce Dr. Ablow to Junior Janochek, Jr., half owner of the Pixie Pins Miniature Bowling franchise, a family entertainment opportunity that just hasn’t taken off as expected but if miniature golf worked, so can this.  Junior, Jr. also sells Amway and Avon products with just slightly overdue expiration dates.  He has the largest velvet Elvis painting collection in Southeast Texas.  People come from Southwest Texas just to see it.  He’s been married 4 times and will be announcing his Presidential intentions as soon as he can get Dr. Ablow to clear some underbrush for his campaign.

Thanks to Ralph for the heads up.

East Texas is just a damn shame.  It’s beautiful country, covered in the Big Thicket, where Archer  Jesse Fullingim, the greatest newspaper man to ever walk Texas soil, said The Holy Ghost lived.

East Texas gave us Bill Moyers, Archer Fullingim, Ralph Yarborough, Wright Pattman, and Charlie Wilson.

But, they have been replaced by this.

I have not seen that many old white people outside of a Tony Orlando and Dawn concert in  Branson, Missouri.

Okay, so first you got how the Republicans feel about homosexuals. They don’t like ‘um none at all.

And next you got how the Republican feel about undocumented workers.  They don’t ‘um them absolutely none at all.

And then you’ve got former Arizona Republican county sheriff and and current congressional candidate Paul Babeu.  I never liked ‘um and always will.

Arizona GOP congressional candidate Paul Babeu acknowledged Saturday he is gay but forcefully denied charges he threatened an ex-lover with deportation after their relationship soured.

“All of the allegations are false except one, I am gay,” Babeu said.

The nationally renown Pinal County Sheriff called a news conference to address the explosive story by The Phoenix New Times that he pressured a man only identified as “Jose” into signing an agreement to conceal their relationship or face deportation.

Jose?  They call him Jose?  What?  Pedro was taken by another gay Republican’s undocumented worker?

Babeu also proclaimed, “”What I do in my personal life and private life is my business.”  Hey Bud, I’ll pay ten dollars cash American money to watch you say that to Bill Clinton’s face.

But my favorite quote came from his answer to the question of whether or not he’s going to drop out of the congressional race.

“We’re not cutting and running.  That’s not who I am,” he said.

I agree with that, Sheriff Babeu.  You’re not the cut and run type.  You’re more the hump and dump type.

I wonder if the Arizona Democratic party is making a call to the Arizona Republican party this morning to see if they can dust off some of their old Barney Franks joke and recycle them.

Thanks to half the population of the Juanitaville for giving me the heads-up on this yesterday when I was busier than granny with twenty snakes and one hoe.  Sometimes breaking news has to lay on the floor for a day or two until I can get around to sweeping it up.

Customer OldMayfly told me about a bumper sticker she heard about.  It says “GOP Primary — L O L” and the O in L O L was the Obama design.

I neeeeeed one of those.

Especially after seeing this and even this.  And don’t forget Ron Paul.

Plus, I’ve heard from two customers who have gotten polling calls asking about Herman Cain.  Questions like, “Do you see Herman Cain as a politician or a businessman?” and “Did media reports of Herman Cain being involved with a woman cause you to change your mind about him?”  So, it appears that somebody, somewhere will polling money just laying around wants Cain to re-enter the race.

I neeeeeed one of those bumper stickers.

Seriously.

Y’all, Newt Gingrich’s bus broke down in West Hollywood, also known as Boystown.

Newt Gingrich’s bus, missing a tire and flashing its hazards, was stranded half in a lane of traffic near Sunset and Crescent Heights for hours. It was unknown if he was on the bus at the time of the incident. Calls to Newt’s headquarters were not immediately returned.

Gingrich, who is in Los Angeles campaigning, did not receive much sympathy for his vehicle’s mechanical difficulties. Instead, locals took to Twitter with red-white-and-blue language, unsolicited advice, claims of voodoo, musings on karma, and at least one mention of a glitter-bomb:

.

Read all about it here.

It’s an answered prayer.  It is.  Or, as customer said about it, “There is a God … and she has a wicked sense of humor.”

Thanks to Brian for the heads-up.

Y’all, if it’s not the seventh sign of the apocalypse, it’s at least the fifth or sixth.

Sarah Palin is back in the news.  Just when you thought it was safe to turn on the teevee or read the newspaper, Sarah Palin, the Narcissism Poster Child, prances back.

The key words:  brokered convention.

“We could be looking at a brokered convention,” she told Fox Business Network on Wednesday night. “Months from now, if that’s the case, all bets are off as to who it will be, willing to offer up themselves up in their name in service to their country. I would do whatever I could to help.”

And by “help” and “offering up,” I don’t think she meant leading group discussions on the economic policies of the Bush years.  Sarah’s the only candidate I’ve ever seen who could victimize herself into office.

Sarah wants to be President without all the bother of that pesky thing called campaigning.  Can’t say I blame her.  There’s a very cool airplane involved.

I want y’all to pray for this because I really, really, honest to goodness, need Sarah Plain after losing both Newt and Rick.