Hey Buddy, can you spare a dime?

I have to admit that I’m gonna miss Newt Gingrich.  He never wanted to be President.  He just wanted to debate Barack Obama for like, I dunno, twenty hours or something and try to beat him up. That’s really kind of sad.  Newt’s not near as good a debate as he thinks he is.

But, it appears that Gingrich is going to be out of this race pretty soon.  He’s now charging people to take their picture with him.

In a sign that his campaign is in need of fresh funds, Newt Gingrich began charging $50 to have a photograph taken with him following a campaign speech, National Journal reports.

“It was the first time that the former House speaker has charged those attending one of his public speaking events to pose for a photograph with him.”

Fifty bucks?  Heck, even Hub Caps, our local burlesque dancer, charges $100.

Fifty bucks doesn’t go very far at Tiffany’s, Newt.

Not content to make a fool of himself at a funeral and make up weird statistics on the House floor, East Texas Congressroach Louie Gohmert sets a new personal record of three Goofies in one day.

I’m going to retire now because I had $20 on the Gohmert trifecta.

Gohmert predicts that we liberals aren’t going to like it when a redneck (yes, he said that exact word) gets elected President of these here United States and then wants to come into our bedroom and make sure we aren’t doing anything outside of the missionary position ….

Oh hell, I can’t tell this.  I just can’t.  That much ignorance coupled with dirty thinking makes the curl fall out of my hair.  I’ll let Louie tell it himself.  He’s an expert on ignorant dirty thinking.  And, he’s not handicapped with hair.

So, he’s talking about what will happen if the Supremes uphold insurance mandates.

“It ought to scare liberals to come run and join conservatives, because what it means is when this president’s out of the White House and you get a conservative in there, if this president has the authority under ObamaCare … to trample on religious rights, then some redneck president’s got the right to say, ‘you know what, there’s some practices that go on in your house that cost people too much money and healthcare, so we’re going to have the right to rule over those as well.’ “

He’s talking about sodomy.

Holy Painting of Jesus On The Wall With Moving Eyes!  The man is talking about sodomy laws in Texas.  Louie loves to talk about sodomy.  It makes his eyes twinkle.

As far as I’m concerned, this is more of an endorsement of never, ever electing a redneck President than it is a bashing of ObamaCare.

And if Louie is trying to scare us about rednecks, he doesn’t have to do that.   I’ve been to East Texas and I am plenty up to here damn scared of rednecks.  Like Louie.

Somebody needs to rope this man and tie him up somewhere because the week is young and  every reporter with nothing to do is gonna stick a microphone in his face hoping to win the Can He Make It Four? betting pool.

Well, it appears that East Texas Congressvermin Louie Gohmert hits a double today.

Not only was he making up weird statistics on the House floor, but he spoke at Andrew Breitbart’s funeral.

The program lasted a little over an hour, and was filled with deeply moving and personal accounts of Andrew, to whom Congressman Louie Gohmert so aptly and eloquently attributed the following trait: “Testicular Titanium.”

Testicular Titanium.   What a lovely way to meet Jesus, Louie.  Is that what you teach at Sunday School?

Louie Gohmert would not know testicular titanium if they hit him in the face, and they probably have.

Louie, lookie over here.  I can trump your titanium testicles.  Texas Democratic women have Kryptonite Knockers.

Y’all, if I die, do not let Louie in the door.  Ya hear?

Thanks to Diane for the heads-up.

I have a little dohicky on my cell phone that beeps whenever CNN says there is breaking news.

So, just a little while ago, I get this:

Nearly one in three Americans thinks the Supreme Court should overturn the entire 2010 health care law.

Besides the fact that polls are not breaking news, they are merely polls, I have several problems with this. First, if it were up for a popular vote, we’d still have segregation and women couldn’t vote.  So, your poll means diddle squat.

But, really, CNN, really?  Wow-sa, almost one in three doesn’t like this sucker? Gee, that sounds like a lot.

For the arithmetically challenged, which would include every Republican in America, that’s less than 33%.  Hell, CNN, there’s 33% of people who believe that the United Nations has secret bunkers under Akron, Ohio, where we’re all going to be sent to re-education camps taught by the French.  In French.  So you don’t know what evil thing you’re learning, because they’re speaking that French crap when they’re indoctrinating you.

Hell, CNN, I bet even 34% of people believe that.

So, cut the Fox News imitation, CNN.  The bottom line is that Obamacare is popular.  Say it, dammit.  Just say it.

They say that Paul Ryan might be the GOP vice-presidential candidate.  According to Wikipedia, he certainly has the work experience to qualify for it.

Ryan briefly worked during college for the Oscar Mayer meat and cold cut production company as a Wienermobile driver.

Well, there you go.  That’s more private sector experience than Rick Perry has.

It appears that he also worked for his family’s business before grabbing hold of the government teat and sucking for all he’s worth.

Let’s the the math here.  He was born in 1970.  He went to college on money he got from social security survivor benefits, which I believe he claims is socialism.  So, let’s say he was 23 when he graduated college and I only say that because he does not appear to to be the brightest light on the Christmas tree so let’s give him some extra time.  That brings us to 1993.  Then he went to work for his family’s business as a “marketing consultant,” which is a polite way of saying that he rarely showed up and when he did, he was hung over.

Then comes this, “Out of fear that Ryan “…was destined to become a ski bum”, Betty Ryan [his mother]reportedly nudged her son to accept another congressional position as a staff economist attached to the office of U.S. Senator Bob Kasten.”  That was in “the mid to late 90’s.”

Now, would somebody like to explain to me the difference between a Republican congressman and a ski bum?   I mean, except for the fact that ski bums do contribute something to society.

He has drawn a government paycheck every day of his life since then.  And, his net wealth seems … well, wealthy.

Hey, he’s got my approval to run.

Thanks to David for the heads-up.

I love this video.  I think my favorite part is where Louie Gohmert just pulls numbers out of his behind and you can tell he’s making crap up as he goes along.

By the way, socialized medicine must be working pretty darn good for Republicans.  Dick Cheney got a brand spankin’ new government-paid heart this weekend.  Good for him.  I hope he uses this one.