Momma, I know you can still outrun me with a bar of soap in your hand because you’ve had plenty of practice.  So, I am not going to put any information about this great story on my website except to say it has something to do with Twitter, Sandra Fluke, George Tierney of Greenville South Carolina, lawyers, Google, and is one of the funniest things I’ve read in along time.

Momma, do not click this link.  There are dirty words there.  And a damn hoot.

Thanks to Richard for the heads-up.

Republican Rep. Harold Rogers of Kentucky is head of the Appropriations Committee.  He is helping to shoulder the awesome responsibility of letting Americans know that the GOP is only joking about this whole cutting spending thing.

In the 1980s, the military had its infamous $800 toilet seat. Today, it has a $17,000 drip pan.

Thanks to a powerful Kentucky congressman who has steered tens of millions of federal dollars to his district, the Army has bought about $6.5 million worth of the “leakproof” drip pans in the past three years to catch transmission fluid on Black Hawk helicopters. And it might want more from the Kentucky company that makes the pans, even though a similar pan from another company costs a small fraction of the price: about $2,500.

He has been called The Prince of Pork by the Lexington Herald-Leader newspaper.  He defends these expenditures by claiming that the $17,000 drip pans “work well” and, he adds, “they save the taxpayer money.”  Well hell, that’s two more things than Rep. Harold Rogers does.

Thanks to David for the heads up.

John Boehner, bless his little orange heart.

“I’ve never been shy about leading. But you know, leaders need followers. And we’ve got 89 brand new members. We’ve got a pretty disparate caucus. It is hard to keep 218 frogs in a wheelbarrow long enough to get a bill passed.”

— House Speaker John Boehner (R-OH), in an interview on This Week.

Frogs?  Really?  Ya think they’re a little jumpy about the November election, John?

Thanks to David for the heads-up.

Oh y’all, I am semi-convinced that God is snake biting Sarah Palin until she quits using his name in vain, which is pretty much every day with her moral superiority and tight leather dominatrix jackets.

In Texas, we have a hotly contested race for the Republican Senate seat between a Regular Money Grubbing Republican, David Dewhurst, and a Tea Party Republican, Ted Cruz.

Mike Huckabee endorsed Dewhurst and so Sarah Palin up and endorsed Cruz.  You know, like Texans should care what two pathetic losers from Alaska and Arkansas think about anydamnthing, much less who we should elect in Texas.

Like the gods sitting on the mountaintop throwing a bolt of lightning or two while watching the mere mortals stumble through life, Palin and Huckabee are having a showdownpaloooza in Texas.

They are both now doing robocalls for their favored candidate.  Huckabee has the upper hand, but only because he knows where Texas is.

According to the Topeka Capital-Journal’s Tim Carpenter, Palin’s recorded calls have been dispatched in Kansas. While the call begins with a cheerful “Hello, Texas!” greeting from Palin, Carpenter reported Sunday that he had received the message while at his office at the Topeka newspaper, hundreds of miles from the Lone Star State’s border.

I can see how she made that mistake.  I mean, both states end in the letter “s” and they both … well, I can’t think of anything else, but I am certain there are other similarities.

Long time customers will want to know that an original member of my band, Bitchin’ Betty and the Sequined Backhoes,” was elected a national delegate to the Democratic convention in September yesterday.

Fenway Fran opened a franchise in Washington State and was elected yesterday.  Fran plays the heavy metal marimba in the band.  Rumor has it that more of the Backhoes are running and even Betty Herownself is seeking to be elected a delegate.

Fran did a lot of undercover work for us among the local Republicans so the only picture I’m willing to publish of her is  at her Leaving Texas party.  Yes, we gave her a pink cowboy hat and a bottle of genuine Bitchin’ Betty wine.  Eat your heart out.

Hugs to Fran and somebody – please! – make her start updating her website to share her adventure with all of us.

If you’ve been following local Fort Bend County races, this will crack you into more pieces than Aunt Bessy’s two table jigsaw puzzle.

Craig Brady has taken campaign contributions from man convicted of a felony and other man who plead guilty to a felony.  The entire sheriffs department under Brady’s leadership has so much nepotism that its family tree doesn’t even fork.  And cronyism?  Oh dear God.  Craig Brady’s endorsement website is the cronyism capital of planet Earth.  Oh hell, I’ll even go with the universe.

So, you add up the three major problems with your own candidacy and claim that’s not you, that’s your opponent.

Grand idea.  You’re going to hell for it, but it’s a grand idea.

The signs are paid for by “Citizens for ethical government.”  The word Citizen is capitalized but the “ethical government” part is not.  That right there ought to tell you something or other.

Thanks to Bubba, who is gonna have to find another hobby other than political yard signs.