Well, they need one.

State Representative Mike Bost almost set himself on fire this morning, quite accidentally.  He got riled up just a tad about some reform legislation pushed by the Democratic Governor and some Democratic members of the House.

So, after two or three seconds of reflective contemplation, he decided to go the Crazzzzy Man route.

Watching the faces of the people around him is almost as much fun as watching him.  You know his daughter will never get a date to the prom, right?

Thanks to Bud for the heads up.

I just love sassy women.  We operate on the theory that the more crap you put up with, the more crap you’re going to get.

Short story:  Female certified pilot in Brazil.  Male passenger blurts, “Someone should have told me the captain was a woman. I’m not flying with a female at the controls.”

This will not end well.  I know that for a fact.

She tossed his butt off the airplane, but not mid-flight, which takes some of the fun out of the story. But, she did toss him out and have him met by the police.

Her airline stood up for her.

The Brazilian airline later backed its pilot’s decision with a statement that it wouldn’t tolerate disparaging remarks about any of 1,400 women working there.

Okay, so if Mitt Romney wins, I’m moving to Brazil.  And applying for a job to drive the police car that drives these dudes away.

Thanks to Carl for the heads-up.

I just realized that I won’t have Leo Berman to kick around any more.

Well, damn.  Just damn.

Oh, I’m sure the Republicans will come up with an amusing replacement.

Skip felt so bad for me, that he sent this to make me feel better.

It did.

For those of you not ultra hip like me, it’s become an internet meme.  Romneys’ iPhone app misspells America.

Jabba the Ailes, head of Fox News, is making an interesting claim.

We have one conservative on FOX News, Sean Hannity. Quite open about it, that’s what he is, that’s what he does, that’s his framework, that’s where he comes from. Others tend to be libertarians or populists or you can’t really tell.

Ailes defended his network, saying he was not politically biased compared with competitors MSNBC and CNN. Ailes said he employs 24 “liberals,” which distinguishes him from those networks who feature fewer dissenting opinions.

So Steve Doocy, Greta Van Susteren, Dick Morris, Megyn Kelly, and Bill O’Rielly are flaming liberals.

See, you didn’t know that.  Aren’t you glad you get your hair done here so you know not to believe your lying eyes and ears?

Thanks to Iris for the heads-up.

Okay, okay, okay, dammit.  I’m up. I’m up.  Quit bellerin’ at me.

I truly am typing in my jammies this morning.  I did not have a drop to drink last night, and Lord knows I won’t until in January when Chief Deputy Prissypants leaves office, but I still feel hungover.

There was great news (see below), pretty good news, semi-good news and awful news.  As someone wise texted to me last night when mixed news came in, “Every election is a combination of schadenfreude and heartache.  Except 2000. That one just flat out sucked.”

When I get my head on straight, I will tell you the awful news that Judge Steven Kirkland, maybe the best judge in Harris County, got beat by a crazy incompetent woman funded by a rich Republican lawyer intent on screwing the system.  And then there’s the good news that Lane Lewis beat the shameless lady.

I will tell you about the absolutely worst candidate I have ever dealt with in my entire life, and he claims to be a Democrat.  Personally, I think he’s just a giant wad of ego on a stick dipped in sprinkles and then fried, but he says he’s not.  However, I have no proof of that, just his word.  In the Democratic primary for Congressional District 22, K P George lost to the woman who wants to impeach President Obama.   Yes, I said the Democratic primary, where President Obama got 95% of the vote, this guy loses to a woman who wants to impeach Obama.  Not in my county, mind you, because I don’t let things like that happen, but K P George went to the other counties in the district and personally nullified all our hard work.  It’s a story of ego gone wild.

I was happy to see that some of my other buddies won, too.

I’m gonna take a long shower, brush my hair, maybe, just maybe, get dressed, and come back and write about other things going on in the world.

It’s 9:45 on election night and I can’t stop giggling.

You know the Chief Deputy at the Sheriff’s Office who started running for sheriff 4 years ago and we had some fun here telling him everything he was doing wrong?  I mean, I thought that was real sweet of us, trying to help him win and all.

But he didn’t listen.

Instead he spent $550,000 for a race where the pay is $105,000 a year.  And, at this time right now, he’s got a whoppin’ 33% of the vote.  You read that right.  He spend half a million dollars to run for sheriff, five times what anyone has ever spent for any race that I know of in the county.

And he got beat so bad that his grandchildren will be born shaking.  He’s got pounded so bad that he’ll have to unzip his pants to see out tomorrow morning.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words and they are right about that in this case.  I scampered by my own voting precinct today and Brady’s opponent had people meeting voters at their cars and asking for their vote.  Craig Brady thought this poll was so important that he had the current retiring sheriff hisownself there to campaign for him.

Sitting in the shade.

That’s the sheriff in the red shirt, lounging under a tree.  You couldn’t even see him from the voting location.  Plus, to make matters even worse, that’s Brady’s opponent’s sign right there in front of them.  You can see a tee-tiny little corner of Brady’s sign in yellow sticking just a tad out, like the sheriff, who is supposed to be Brady’s friend, is trying to hide it.  I went by at 10:00 am. I went back at noon.  I went back at 5:00 and there he still sat.  I never saw a man that good at sittin’.

And that, my friend, is how these ole boys ran the sheriff’s department.  They spend a boatload of money and then sit around on their beehinds, hoping crimes will solve themselves.

Schadenfreude is so sweet.

And for locals, just remember this:  Brady may have won the battle against Bev Carter but, dammit, she won the war!  Big time.