In our semi-weekly look inside the clergy’s pants in America, we found today’s winner — Rev. Peter Petroske.

The Catholic Archdiocese of Detroit has indefinitely suspended the pastor of Sacred Heart Parish in Dearborn after he was arrested last week on suspicion of drunken driving.

According to the archdiocese, the Rev. Peter Petroske was not wearing any clothes when he was arrested.

A knowledgeable city source told the Free Press that Petroske was arrested in the early hours of Friday morning about a block from his church on Michigan Ave. in Dearborn, and had a laptop computer with him in the car.

Rev. Pete in a dress.

So, here’s Rev. Pete caught drunk with his pants down driving the streets of Michigan, which probably in itself is a misdemeanor.  But, the scary part is the comment by the parish spokesman, who said that the Rev was put on leave but added cryptically …

Archdiocese spokesman Joe Kohn said the leave is indefinite. He said he could not discuss the laptop but confirmed that Petroske was nude at the time of the arrest.

First off, if you’re driving down the street with your clothes off, you are not nude.  Nude is what Michelangelo’s statute of David is.  Nude is how you shower.  If you’re tooting around town in your birthday suit, you are buck nakkid.  There ain’t no nude  about that.

I do not know about you, but I am highly curious about the laptop.  If there is something about the laptop that cannot be discussed because it’s more embarrassing than a nakkid, drunk priest, I probably don’t want to know about it.  My bet is that he was watching Pat Robertson videos.

Thanks to Carl for the heads-up.

The Koch Brothers, who rank about even with the Winklevoss Twins when it comes to Haughty Fraternal Goofiness, are attacking Zach Galifianakis like he was a real political figure.

Well, I had no intention of seeing The Campaign until all of a sudden the Koch brothers spokesman found it necessary to attack Zach by saying that he is “a guy who makes obscene gestures with a monkey.”

Well, yeah.

And Jenna Jameson endorsed Mitt Romney but Mitt didn’t fill the need to seriously respond that she does what the monkey gestures.  In public.  Very often.

Zach Galifianakis gets the Koch Brothers so insulted that they send out their highly paid professional paid press person to say very sarcastically, “Last we checked, the movie is a comedy.”  Well, yeah.  Honey, when you can do that, you suddenly become important in my mind.

And apparently the Koch Brothers are named the Motch Brothers in the movie.  So maybe I’ll go see it.  It must do a number on the Motch Koch Brothers.

Thanks to David for the heads up.

It seems to me that I learned something in junior high school about every action having an opposite and equal reaction.

I could be wrong because the energy money boys say that is not true.  Things have changed a lot since junior high school, so I figured that maybe Newton’s Law were repealed by congressional edict.

Apparently not, though.

Using newly available technology, a University of Texas seismologist tracking small earthquakes in the Barnett Shale play area of North Texas has found a correlation between geological disturbances and the sort of injection wells that are associated with hydraulic fracturing, according to research appearing this week in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.

Uh huh.  When you inject millions of gallons of water, sand, and God only knows what chemicals into the earth, something is gonna happen.  And it took a University of Texas scientist not on the payroll of the fracking industry to prove it.

But here’s the cool part.

“These small earthquakes aren’t hurting anybody,” Frohlich said. “People hear about a little earthquake and think you’re going to have Haiti or Japan. It’s like a storm: A magnitude 2.5 or 3 earthquake is fun. Maybe something falls off a shelf. It’s just that Texans are not used to earthquakes.”

Oh, wait.  You mean there’s such a thing as a fun earthquake?  I did not know that.  Is that like a fun hurricane?  You know, the kind with no wind and rain.

And I suspect that what is falling off the shelf has something to do with the fun quotient.  If it’s a bunch of slinkys, that might be cool.  I could watch that for a couple of hours.

Do you want to know why I live in Texas with 273 kind of snakes and 270 of them are poisonous, hurricanes that will move your entire house into another zipcode and sometimes 5 or 6 different zipcodes, drought that makes cracks in the ground so deep that if you put your ear to them you can hear Chinese people talking, politicians and oil refineries competing to see who can put more foul crap in the air, two of the Bushs, floods that make Noah’s look like a gully washer, it’s hot enough to melt diamonds, and the rest of the whole world thinks we’re all Rick Perry?  Do you want to know why I live here?  Because there’s no damn earthquakes, that’s why!

I do not want any damn earthquakes, fun or not.

Mr. President called Romney’s tax plan “Romney Hood,” which is Robing Hood in reverse.  That sucker has legs and a damn skateboard.

And this morning, awww … the editorial in the Tampa newspaper was not nice to their most famous tourist.

Lower taxes on the rich and higher taxes on the middle class is how a nonpartisan analysis summed up Mitt Romney’s tax plan. The study cuts through the magical thinking surrounding the presumptive Republican presidential nominee’s promise to lower taxes without adding to the budget deficit.

Thanks for the nice Welcome Romney banner, Tampa.

So, Romney wants to raise my taxes but won’t show me his.

Oh, one other thing that Bubba noticed last night.  Reince Priebus called Harry Reid a dirty liar about Romney not paying taxes, but John McCain hasn’t.  Hummmm …..

Thanks to David and Bubba for the heads-up.

Oh, y’all, Rick Santorum is going to be speaking at the Republican National Convention.

Mr. Crazypants wants one last shot at remolding America to look just like him.

Let's hope he wears his Easter outfit again

The good news is:  Oh my Lord, He Who Runs With Squirrels is going to get a chance to show voters how out of touch the GOP really is.  And there is the off-chance that he’ll go rogue and start bashing Romney again because he’s just so damn good at it.

The bad news:  This means he’s not the Veep nominee.  I really, really wanted him to be the Veep nominee.  My life would be so much easier if he was the Veep nominee.  Sarah Palin in pants.  That would be so cool.

By the way, they say that Jeb Bush is going to speak at the convention, too, because, you know, the Bush Empire needs to return to the limelight.

Things got really weird last week when Harry Reid said that someone told him that Mitt Romney didn’t pay taxes and that’s why he won’t release his taxes and then Mitt Romney said, “Prove it” like Harry Reid could just pull Romney’s tax returns out of his own ear.

That’s a whole lot like saying, “Prove I’m holding your bowl of ice cream behind my back.”  There’s only one way to prove that and it involves me, your back, and some shoving.  If you add “without looking behind my back” to that, then it involves me, your back, some cuss words, and a handy cast for your arms afterward.

So Romney, who is beginning to prove he really, really has something to hide, says ….

“Harry, who are your sources? Let’s have Harry explain who that is,” Romney said.

Now, I want to tell you something.  Back in my reporter days, I learned that if you ask someone a question like, “Did you rob that bank?” and their first response is “Who told you that?” then they did rob the bank.  Innocent peoples’ first response is, “Hell, no.”  Well, at least most of the time.  If they say, “I did not have sexual relations with that woman,” then my theory doesn’t work at all.

So then Romney says …

The candidate said firmly, “I have paid taxes every year, and a lot of taxes, so Harry is wrong.”

Lindsey Graham: He has "issues."

Now, the only way we know this is true is because Mitt says so.  You know, if somebody said I was on drugs, the very first thing I’d do is pee in a cup.  The second thing I’d do is sue their butt.  The third thing I’d do is kick that sued butt.  But then, I have nothing to hide and a reputation to protect.  Romney has something to hide and his reputation for being a greedy sumbitch who scams his way out of paying his taxes has not been assaulted by Reid’s claim.

Which brings us to Lindsey Graham.  I don’t like Lindsey Graham and I always will.

Lindsey Graham has decided that he’s the voice of reason in all this.  He says ….

Graham said the majority leader was “making things up” to distract from the “real issues.”

Real issues?  Romney’s dedication to his country and his financial acumen are not issues, but Barack Obama’s birth certificate is?

Well, I am certainly glad we got that cleared up.  And how lucky we are to have Lindsey Graham decide what the issues are.  I’d hate to think some South Carolina cracker was making decisions like that.  Oh, wait.