Thank you, Fox News.  Listen to Fox news host Eric Bolling —

“But even worse is the way some textbooks are pushing the liberal agenda,” the Fox News host explained, pointing to an algebra worksheet that Scholastic says gives students “[i]nsight into the distributive property as it applies to multiplication.”

“Distribute the wealth!” Bolling exclaimed, reading the worksheet. “Distribute the wealth with the lovely rich girl with a big ole bag of money, handing some money out.”

Eric!  Shuddup!  Distributive property is what helps us do math in our heads.  Okay, okay, not your head.  I get that part.  Distributive property has diddle squat to do to making Paris Hilton pay her fair taxes, although it probably should.

And it’s not just math that has a liberal bias.  You know how kindergarten teachers say to play nice with each other and share?  Pure communism.  Fox news believes that it’s better that Little Leon grab all the blocks and hoard them.  Screw this sharing stuff.

And, of course, there’s history with its liberal bias.

Bolling advised parents to read their children’s history books because his son’s textbook addressed the Iraq war “and they were very, very liberally biased, saying George Bush went in there because he heard there were weapons of mass destruction and they were never found. It was a very liberal bias to the history books.”

So, truth has a liberal bias.

I give up.  No, I really do.  The family tree does not fork at Fox news.

Thanks to Elizabeth Moon for the heads up.

Okay so this guy …

… decides it would be a grand idea to test the security at his child’s school.

All on his own, without any notion of checking with authorities.

A Texas dad terrified his child’s elementary school when he decided to conduct a “rogue” security drill to see how the school would respond in the event of an emergency, according to the school district.

Ron Miller, 44, entered the office of the Celina Elementary School at 7:50 a.m. on Wednesday, according to police, where he “conducted  his own drill to test the school’s response to an active shooter situation.”

Because he thinks he’s Dirty Harry.

You wanna know the scariest part of this story?  This man has children.  On top of that, some damn fool woman did the wild thing with him.  At least once.

On second thought, maybe I do favor armed guards at school because this idiot would have been taken out of the gene pool.

Thanks to Ruth and Anna for the heads up.

I agree with TPM, this is awesome.  It’s also adorable.

Thanks to Texas Ellen for the heads up.

Two guys in Portland, Oregon, decide to walk around town with … you guessed it.

Two men walked the streets of Portland armed with assault weapons earlier this week because they said they wanted to “educate” residents, who reacted by fleeing and calling police.

Dumb and Dumber claim “that they were forced to take drastic measure to make sure people were aware of their Second Amendment rights after 20 children in Connecticut were massacred with same type of AR-15 rifles they were carrying.”

Forced.  Forced, I tell you.  I mean, there you sit all judgmental  thinking that walking around town carrying an assault weapon is a choice.  It.  Is.  Not.  They were forced to do it.

The men insisted that they understood that people were on edge after recent mass shootings but hoped residents would approach them to ask questions during future demonstrations.

Did they watch Scarface twelve too many times and think people would want to “come talk to my little friend”?

Actual Guys With Actual Guns Looking For Actual Conversation

So, if I walk down the street buck nakkid to protest pornography laws, people with come up to me and ask, “What do you think about nakkid people?”

Apparently, they broke no laws, other than the social contract, but still don’t understand why they can’t get dates on Saturday night.

Thanks to Brian for the heads up.

Thanks to Brian E for the heads up.

Just in case you haven’t heard, President Obama has joined with others in making January 19th the Martin Luther King Jr. Day of Service.

Not to let a day of service honoring a black man pass without comment, the gun freaks have announced that they will use that same day as “Gun Appreciation Day.”  Best we know, school children in Sandy Hook will not be appreciative enough to satisfy the participation requirements.

The timing of this event is not lost on the organizers.  It is two days before Barack Obama is inaugurated.  Outdoors.

Yeah, they really did put that on their website, along with rants about the President banning all guns.

Listen up, dudes with small winkies, they have drones that can shoot a missile down your chimney and aircraft carriers that can sit 50 miles offshore and hit your bass boat right in the Evinrude.   They have women who can blast your Bushmaster right outta your hands before you even finish your second beer.   They have damn nuclear weapons.  Do you think a 200 round clip can trump that?

I’m beginning to think that anyone who owns a weapon to protect against tyranny is too damn crazy to own a weapon.

You know what else bothers me about that site.  This:

Do you know where Thomas Jefferson said that?  In a rough draft of the Virginia constitution.  Seriously.  He wrote it, thought better because he foresaw Jim Bob over at the bowling alley drunk, armed, and looking for Betty Lou, and then took it out.   You’ll note that this is filed at my link under “Spurious Quotations.”

Dudes, you screw with Thomas Jefferson and you gotta come through me and my can of Aqua Net to do it.

So, while you and I are out doing service, the men with small winkies will be at the gun shop.  Where they spend every damn Saturday anyway.

Thanks to Fenway Fran for the heads up.