I generally don’t pretend to understand on the mysteries of Sweet Jesus.  I really don’t know when he’s coming back and the Bible tells me not to speculate about that so I don’t.

However, I would be willing to bet my best pair of pink boots that he’s not going to announce his coming on a Goldfish cracker.

Patti Burke eats two or three pounds of Goldfish crackers in a week, one by one, looking for the saltiest of the snacks. But only once has she found a sign from God on a little orange cracker.

“When I picked this one up, I knew he was special,” the Melbourne woman said of her Holy Week discovery. “He had a cross on him, and he had a crown circle up by his head. Something I’ve never seen before out of all the Goldfish I’ve eaten.”

Burke couldn’t believe it on Easter Sunday, when her pastor, D. Scott Worth, began talking about fish as a symbol of Christianity in front of the congregation of Presbyterian Church of the Good Shepherd in Melbourne.

Look, I’m not saying that eating two or three pounds of Goldfish crackers a week might mess with your body chemistry and make you see things, but damn, Honey, that’s enough salt to float the USS Eisenhower.

If that is a sign from God, I think God is using a phillip’s screwdriver to tell you to quit eating so damn many Goldfish crackers.

By the way, I have decide that if I’m real good and say my prayers and treat people right, when I die I will go to heaven.  If I don’t, I will go on a Valentine Polka Cruise for all eternity.

Okay, okay, before all you polka people got crazy on me, I will admit that I like polka music.  For 10 minutes.  Once every five years or so.

Thanks to Rick for the heads up.

Okay, West Colombia, Texas, is spittin’ distance from my house.  I have to drive through West Colombia to go to a lot of places I like to go to – Corpus, Victoria, Choke Canyon State Park, Padre Island – a whole lot of places.

Thousands of gallons of oil have spilled from a pipeline in Texas, the third accident of its kind in only a week.

Shell Pipeline, a unit of Royal Dutch Shell Plc, shut down their West Columbia, Texas, pipeline last Friday after electronic calculations conducted by the US National Response Center showed that upwards of 700 barrels had been lost, amounting to almost 30,000 gallons of crude oil.

It was in West Colombia, Texas.

This is the third major oil spill in a week.

This oil flowed right into the Gulf of Mexico, which is on its way to becoming the sewage system of America. It’s full of more crap than a Port-A-Pottie Convention in Poop, Iowa.

I’m not expert at this but I  reckon that we are spilling more oil than we are using.  I’m beginning to think that these foreign oil companies are about as careful as a wild hog drive.

Honey, we all leak a little oil, but the good ones control the flow.  There doesn’t seem to be any flow control nowadays.

I will tell you what royally hacks me off.

Cancer patients on Medicare can’t get their chemotherapy as of April 1st, but the FAA will delay closures of 149 unfunded air traffic control towers until June 15 because people who own private airplanes need to get places, dammit.

AAArrrgggghhhhh…..

You can go to Juanita’s Facebook page by clicking right here and clicking on the LIKE button to get semi-daily updates from Juanita sent directly to your Facebook Page.

How’s that for a free deal?

In Connecticut, the official NRA firearms instructor couldn’t make it to the Gun Rights Rally at the State Capitol because … he shot himself in the foot.  Literally.

And then in Philadelphia, an off-duty New Jersey police officer accidentally shot a building.  Yep, a whole damn building.

According to police, an off-duty officer, from New Jersey, went back to his car to secure his gun after being denied access to a building.

Police say the off-duty officer’s gun accidentally discharged once, going through the window of his car and the window of Triumph Brewing Company.

No injuries have reported.

Triumph Brewing Company was closed due to the investigation.

I think the name of the building explains a lot. Or at least a little.

Thanks to Carl for the heads up.

Rick Perry – check

Rick Santorium – check

Ted Cruz – check

Michele Bachmann – check

Rand Paul – check

Hillary Clinton – check, check, and CHECK!

There ya go.

Thanks to Brian for the chart.