You know how when Pinocchio told a lie, his nose grew?  Well, something akin to that is happening with Governor Jan Brewer.  The crazier she gets, the bigger her hair grows.

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I fear that one day soon she will become a large bleach blonde version of a hot air balloon and become Arizona’s entry into the Albuquerque Balloon Fiesta.  Okay, I’m lying.  I do not fear that.  I look forward to it like a kid at Christmas.

Here’s her latest tumble into the world of having loco camped out in her eyeballs.

Arizona cities and counties that hold community gun buyback events will have to sell the surrendered weapons instead of destroying them under a bill Gov. Jan Brewer signed into law Monday.

She argued that destroying these guns wastes taxpayers dollars.  But, crime scene investigations are cheap?  Plus, the people who surrendered their guns wanted them destroyed to keep them out of the hands of children, bad guys and Arizona Governors.

Brewer also signed a law barring “cities, towns and counties from collecting or maintaining any identifying information about a person who owns or sells a firearm.”

I think the next one is requiring that all legally blind people must carry a firearm at all times.

Thanks to Sam and Julie for the heads up.

Ted Cruz sometimes gets himself so wound up in the Holy Ghost Tea Party Fever that he starts making up words and having visions.  Sister Betty Sue of the Belles of Heaven Republican Women’s Club was at Freedoms Works and heard Ted speak.

He was talking about the gun vote in the senate and got himself fired up like a steam locomotive and there simply weren’t words to describe how he felt – well, there probably are, but they had to borrow them all to fill the George Bush Lieberry for the Grand Opening – so he just started making up words.

The Wall Street Journal attacked the group for letting President Obama blame Republicans for blocking gun control instead of moderate Democrats. Cruz said senators made a similar argument: “They said, ‘Listen, before you did this, the politics of it were great. The [Democrats] were the bad guys, the Republicans were the good guys. Now we all look like a bunch of squishes.’”

He replied, Cruz told the crowd, “’Well, there is an alternative. You could just not be a bunch of squishes.’”

I do not know what a squich is.  If you do, you’re lying.

The Urban Dictionary defines squish as —

That simply can’t be right.  Republicans want us to be romantic with them.  They want to do the wild thing with us, but not in the good way, ya know?

I think Ted is telling us in his crazy-dude lingo that he wants to be even more “romantic” with us, but not in the good way.  And that’s why I carry an 11 foot pole with me everywhere I go, because, Honey, I would not touch Ted Cruz with a 10 foot one.

Thanks to Maggie for the heads up.

You know your Governor sucks big time when Democrats in other states start using his name and the threat of becoming like Texas to raise money.

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Click her to see the whole thing. Lord help us, they’ve tied a can to Perry’s tail and are parading him all over the US of A as a warning to other states.  Hell, Democrats pay him money to show up in other states.

If there’s ever a reading of things Rick Perry has done to hurt Texas, you better bring a lunch if you’re going.  And a sleeping bag.

Honey, it’s third and long in Texas.  Pennsylvania is right about one thing – it got that way since we elected Republican Governors.  I ain’t real proud of being used as a bad example.

Thanks to Stephen for the heads up.

In a case of Oh Damn, A Day Late and a Dollar Short, Justice Sandra Day O’Connor is having a long overdue attack of damned if I know.

Okay, so after being the fifth vote to hand George W Bush the Presidency, Justice O’Connor thinks maybe, just maybe, the high court should not have taken the case.

Looking back, O’Connor said, she isn’t sure the high court should have taken Bush v. Gore.

“It took the case and decided it at a time when it was still a big election issue,” O’Connor said during a talk Friday with the Tribune editorial board. “Maybe the court should have said, ‘We’re not going to take it, goodbye.’”

No shoot, Sherlock.  She needs to pack her butt with gunpowder and fire herself on up here with the rest of us.

Now I know she’s doing her mea culpa tour, but I just ain’t buying her snot slobbering apology.

“Obviously the court did reach a decision and thought it had to reach a decision,” she said. “It turned out the election authorities in Florida hadn’t done a real good job there and kind of messed it up. And probably the Supreme Court added to the problem at the end of the day.“

Yeah, Honey, you and Katherine Harris made quite a team.  Hooter toters everywhere still moan in shame at the mention of those two names.  Katherine Harris siding with the Mary Kay Cosmetics lady and you siding with Scalia.  Curses on both of you.

On Friday, around 9 p.m., police say Michael Wanko, 43, and Michele Wanko, 42, were “casually drinking” vodka and lemonade together inside their home on West Roland Road in Parkside, Penn. Around 3:30 a.m., police say the couple went into their basement so that Michael could show his wife how to use a semiautomatic pistol. The couple went into a work room where several weapons were kept inside a safe.

Okay, call me crazy but nobody “casually” drinks vodka and lemonade.  Ever.  Especially at 3:30 a.m.  If you’re 40-something and drinking vodka at 3:30 am then you’re either in the Kremlin expecting to be ousted from power, you’ve just robbed a convenience store, or you’re plotting to kill something.

The story goes that this guy had a safe of guns and was going to show his wife how to use them at 3:30 am, drunk, in the basement.  Just was he was teaching her how to take the magazine out and pull back the slide, which would be Fun With Guns activity #1, and she filled him with more lead than a sinker factory.

[She] picked up another gun and pulled the slide back, just as her husband had instructed her.

“When she let go of the slide, the weapon went off,” said Chief Egan.

There are life lessons to be learned here:  When you’re trying to get your story in an afternoon made for tv movie on the Oprah channel, make sure to forget to tell the police that the first Fun With Guns lesson is to never point them at anybody.

Thanks to Carl for the heads up.

Louie Gohmert met with Texas’ own Joe Barton and as expected, nothing good came outta it.

You got HR1586 which says in some weird language akin to English —

To direct the Architect of the Capitol to acquire and place a historical plaque to be permanently displayed in National Statuary Hall recognizing the seven decades of Christian church services being held in the Capitol from 1800 to 1868, which included attendees James Madison and Thomas Jefferson.

Louie is contending that separation of church and state means that government cannot tell you which Christian church you can attend.  Seriously.  Here’s what’s in the bill.

The term `separation of church and state’, not found in the Constitution, was rather first used by Thomas Jefferson in a letter to the Danbury Baptists. Though Jefferson saw no problem with having nondenominational Christian services in government buildings, he affirmed that the Government should not choose an official Christian denomination.

Good Lord, if this is true, and it ain’t, even Catholics couldn’t be Americans.

And how’s Louie propose we pay for this?  Oh yeah, with the tax money from everybody – including people who are not Christian. That’s fair.

Next will come Louie’s announcement that we have freedom of religion because you can be any kind of Baptist you want to be.  You can be a Southern Baptist, a Free Will Baptist, a Missionary Baptist, a Sister of Perpetual Virginity Baptist, or a Snake Handling Baptist.  You can be a Methodist but you will be frowned upon.

Louie, I mailed you a paper bag to put over your head and tee shirt that says, “I’m a Canadian Terrorist.”  Get dressed, Louie, we’re going to town.

Thanks to Lindy for the heads up.