Michael Smeriglio is 18 years old and made the wise decision to remove himself from the gene pool.

A teenager is recovering after police say he shot himself in the penis and testicle while cleaning a gun he just bought.

Police say 18-year-old Michael Smeriglio first lied to police saying someone shot him while he was walking down the street. After being questioned by police he admitted to accidentally doing it himself.

Doctors say the bullet went through his penis, his left testicle and then lodged itself in his thigh.

Yoweeee.

Needless to say, Michael did not pay close attention in physics class when he tried to tell police that someone shot him at point blank range with a downward trajectory and left powder burns on his hands.

Now comes the shocker.  When police went to the house where “the shooting” occurred, they found marijuana.

Dude.

Thanks to Howard for the heads up.

Wolf Blitzer, who has been the screenface for CNN losing all credibility over the past few years, met himself a gracious atheist who tried twice to let Blitzer’s damfool butt off the hook.  But, noooo ….

Wolf Blitzer put his foot in his mouth for a moment on Tuesday while interviewing a survivor of the devastating tornado in Moore, Okla.

“We’re happy you’re here. You guys did a great job,” Blitzer said to Rebecca Vitsmun, who escaped from her house with her 19-month-old son right before the twister tore through it. “You’ve gotta thank the Lord, right? Do you thank the Lord for that split-second decision?”

Vitsmun hesitates for a moment and smiles. “I — I’m actually an atheist,” she said, laughing off the awkward moment.

And who should she thank for her flattened house behind her, Wolf?

Thanks to Kary for the heads up.

Texas Senatecreep Ted Cruz says he didn’t go to Washington DeeCee to be liked.  Truth be known, that’s just something he says because nobody likes him.

He made an odd announcement the other day.  Even odd for Ted Cruz.

Texas Republican Sen. Ted Cruz made a remarkable admission on the floor of the U.S. Senate Wednesday, admitting in a dispute with Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) that not only does he not trust Democrats, he doesn’t trust Republicans, either.

Now I’m not going to disagree with him that I don’t trust the Republicans.  However, we might part ways on the order of the list of Republicans I don’t trust.

1.  Ted Cruz
2.  Richard Nixon
3.  Attila the Hun

And Nixon is a distant second.

I have no idea why Cruz doesn’t form his own party, the neogoofballs.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

In 2012, Pennsylvania Governor Tom Corbett decreed Sept. 15 – Oct. 15 “Hispanic Heritage month,” and he noted that Pennsylvania’s 800,000 Latino residents represent approximately 6.8 percent of the overall population.

Yet, he had this conversation yesterday in front of the Union League in Philadelphia —

MODERATOR: Do you have staff members that are Latino?

CORBETT: No, we do not have any staff members in there. If you can find us one, please let me know.

MODERATOR: I am sure that there are Latinos that…

CORBETT: Do any of you want to come to Harrisburg? See?!

Because when you’re white in Pennsylvania, holy crap dude, you’re white!

Hummm … there seems to be no shortage of goofy ignorant twitty old white men Governors, though.  Hispanics?  Well, you gotta go look for them.

Some days, y’all, I just want to stand and bang my head against the wall.  However, that option becomes even more attractive if I could bang my head against a white Republican Governor.

Entitlement.  Now that’s a strange word to use for people who collect on social security after they have paid into it their entire lives.

But there is a good use of the word entitlement.  At its entry in the dictionary this picture needs to go beside it.  That’s Republican congressvarmint Steve Fincher.

Fincher has some strongly held beliefs about food stamps that feed working families who live under the poverty level.

SNAP has already been clobbered in the Farm Bill, cutting off nearly 2 million working families, children, and seniors from food assistance.

But, that’s not enough, says Fincher.

The role of citizens, of Christians, of humanity is to take care of each other, but not for Washington to steal from those in the country and give to others in the country.

Steal?  Did he say steal?

USDA data collected in EWG’s 2013 farm subsidy database update — going live tomorrow –shows that Fincher collected a staggering $3.48 million in “our” money from 1999 to 2012. In 2012 alone, the congressman was cut a government check for a $70,000 direct payment. Direct payments are issued automatically, regardless of need, and go predominantly to the largest, most profitable farm operations in the country.

That, my friends, is entitlement.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.

I want to welcome you to Williamson County.  It’s north of Austin and dangerously close to Waco.

It used to populist farm and ranch land until Del Webb built a Sun City there and imported a bunch of old gripey  people.  Then the whole place just went to hell.  My good friend and long time customer Ellen in Texas (sometimes called EClaire) is a rancher in Williamson County and volunteers down at the Democratic headquarters.

Well, Williamson County is minus one constable because Constable Bobby Gutierrez retired.  Constables are elected but Ole Bobby had just about all he could take and retired mid term.  Constables serve civil papers.  They are also licensed police offices in the state of Texas.

When we’re minus a constable in Texas, Commissioners Court gets to appoint one which is a damn shame because Commissioners Court in Texas is generally four good-ole-boys who couldn’t make a living in the real world so they got themselves elected to the public feed pen and spend the remainder of their days sitting around spending the county’s money and putting a few extra dollars in their own pockets.  They are the single most powerful and the most corruptible elected job in the state of Texas.

Needless to say, they are owned by developers and people who want cushy overpaid non-bid county contracts.  But, I’m getting off the topic here.  You just say Commissioners Court, and I start shaking so badly that I could thread a sewing machine when it’s running.

So the Williamson County Commissioners begin the interview process for the new constable.

No wait, interview process is not the right word.  The word I am looking for is  … uh, hummm … oh yeah, freekin’ inquisition.

They interviewed five candidates. And the questions they asked those candidates during the interviews raised eyebrows.

“Was I for gay marriage or against gay marriage?”  former candidate Robert Lloyd said he was asked.  “The next question was, what was my thoughts on abortion? Was I pro-life or pro-choice?”

Well, raised eyebrows is not the right word.  The right word would be … stirred enough crap to float three outhouses down the Brazos River.  A damn constable does not marry people or enforce abortion restrictions.

Article 1 of the Texas Bill of Rights states, “No religious test shall ever be required as a qualification to any office, or public trust, in this State”

Well, except for constable in Williamson county.

Every civil rights leader, legal scholar, and real Texan is mad as a wet hen about this. There were five people interviewed, all with decades of law enforcement experience, ready and willing to take the $72,000 a year job and it boils down to gay marriage and abortion.  I guess I’m kinda surprised that they weren’t asked if they hated Barack Obama enough to go to Washington DeeCee and serve eviction papers on him.

But here’s where the story gets funny.

Even after all that crap stompin’, violations of the law, and grandstanding, do you wanna know who the commissioners choose?

After asking about gay marriage, abortion and religion, commissioners unanimously appointed Kevin Stofle, a former assistant chief with the Georgetown Police Department.

Stofle does have decades of law enforcement experience, but he also has family ties to the commissioners court.  His brother-in-law, Hal Hawes is the commissioners’ attorney. Hawes’ wife is still registered as the creator of the website www.kevinstofle.com.

But Commissioner Covey says that had nothing to do with the decision to appoint Stofle.

A good-ole-boy.  A brother-in-law.  So they are against gay marriage and abortion, but they all dandy with incest.

So they hired the brother-in-law of the man who gives them legal advice.  Honey, if that ain’t a bucket full of irony, I’ll dance on Main street with Grandma’s broom.

Thanks to Jimbo for the heads up.