Read this slowly so your brain doesn’t explode.

Did you ever think that the Vatican would join the real world faster than the Republican Party? But in all honesty, the Vatican did not have to deal with Cardinal Ted Cruz.

Remember how the folks on food stamps cost our country trillions by selling bets on bad mortgages to suckers?

No, that wasn’t them?

Okay, remember how poor folks got us into a war we didn’t pay for and ran up the debt?

No?

Okay, okay, remember how hungry children paid themselves $175,000 a year plus perks and health care on the taxpayers’ dime?

Well, crap, if you can’t remember that, you you have a bad case of Boehnerphobia or Itchycruz.

But thanks to Ted Cruz and John Boehner, all those hungry children are going to stop ripping off this country, dammit.

Cruz and Boehner have only one demand: reverse the results of the 2012 election or you get a great depression wrapped up with a bow on top.

Thanks to all you pissed-off people sending me emails this morning!

Pass the popcorn, Thelma!

Republican Rep. Peter King said Friday that his Republican colleague in the Senate, Ted Cruz, “is a fraud” who will “no longer have any influence in the Republican Party” after the House votes on a measure that could potentially lead to a government shutdown.

So Republican Representative Peter King just called Republican Senator Ted Cruz a fraud. He left out, “You’re ugly and your Momma dresses you funny.” He’s saving that for Monday, I suspect.

Okay, so here’s the deal. Thelma and I are going to open the One Stop Republican Insult Emporium, where for just a dollar a piece, we will provide Republicans with words to insult other Republicans.

Like, “He just snapped a link in his tracer chain.”

We’ll even personalize some of them, like for Cruz, “Is your butt jealous about the amount of crap that just came out of your mouth?” (That’s a $2 one.)

“Remember when you stopped to think for a minute? Well, you need to start again.”

“I don’t exactly detest you but if you were on fire and I had a glass of water, I’d drink it.”

“Hey, McConnell, you’re so old that you fart dust.”

“We all sprang from apes, but Rand Paul didn’t spring far enough.”

Oh hell, I’ll give them these for free. I think they need pies to throw, too. That would be so cool!

Thanks to Susan for the heads up.

I want you to meet another cabrito in the Texas Republican goat rodeo.

His name is Blake Farenthold and he represents the Corpus Christi area.  We also call him Ducky Jammie Boy for a semi-gross event where he showed up in ducky pajama and posed with young women (one underage) who were not dressed for prayer meeting.

Now here’s the catcher.  A year ago, Farenthold screamed at Eric Cantor over the debt ceiling,“You guys are killing me. You guys have got to give us some bones to throw to the tea party.”

He’s got to throw bones, y’all, because running is not an option.

We’re having some unexpected problems with the transfer.  I post, the ghosts erase.

If you by chance have saved any of the posts I made yesterday, send them to me from the TELL JUANITA page.  Hopefully, that is still working.

Thank you to Jason for being my hero!  We were able to restore most of it.