AOL news page was fun today.

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The “Beast” is the President’s Limo, but the juxtaposition is wonderful.

Thanks to Star for the heads up.

I don’t know about you, but I am having a great day.  First, the weather is gorgeous – sunshine and 68 degrees.

I replaced my XM radio and my clock radio and got them plug together with only two trips to Best Buy.  I think that’s a record.

I found a sweater that I thought I had lost.

Is it just me or have the blueberries been especially good lately?

And this – ta da – this.  (work safe link) (it’ll make you grin, too)

In case you are falsely laboring under the suspicion that Texas is the only state with batcrap crazzzzy Republicans, pull up a chair, have a seat, and prepare yourself for something so grotesquely insane that it deserves some real special kind of award.

Greg Brannon is the frontrunner in the Florida GOP primary for Senate.  I think he figures that Ted Cruz has made psychotic acceptable in the Senate.

According to North Carolina GOP Senate candidate Greg Brannon, Planned Parenthood has a secret plan to legalize the killing of newborn babies as old as three months. Brannon, a Rand Paul-backed obstetrician who is a front-runner for the GOP nomination, made the allegations at a November fundraiser for Hand of Hope, a chain of crisis pregnancy centers he operates in North Carolina.

And why would women kill their new born babies?

Evolution.  Seriously.  Evolution and nihilism.

In the same speech, Brannon said women get abortions because of the same nihilistic worldview that causes them to believe in evolution. “We have people who believe they evolve from nothing, they came from nothing, they’ll go to nothing, and today doesn’t matter, so when they have a mistake, why not move on?” he said.

Holy crap on a highchair, I wanna meet this guy’s mother.  She must be a doozy.

Nihilistic world view?  To quote the famous philosopher Walter Sobchak: “Nihilists! F*^# me. I mean, say what you want about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it’s an ethos.”

And now you know why they are called Looneytarians.

UPDATE:  customers corrected my misreading.  It’s North Carolina, not Florida.  Screw ‘um both – neither state is worth keeping.

Thanks to Sandi for the heads up.

Tom DeLay is convinced that Texas will turn blue but not because of changing demographics or that the population is getting younger in Texas.

Nope.

Texas will turn blue because of data.  Yep, technology.  That’s the ticket!  DeLay says that the Democrats have powerful coalition.

That coalition coupled with President Obama’s campaign machine and its digital approach to voters could damage Texas Republicans, he said.

“And we have nothing to counter it,” Delay said.

Obama didn’t beat former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney in last year’s presidential race on policy, image or anything else, Delay said.

It was the president’s 2012 digital strategy.

Obama’s campaign had dozens of computer engineers writing software and gathering data around the clock to find out what voters believe in, keep them motivated, organize them and turn them out at the polls, Delay said.

“It was incredibly impressive, and they did it all through technology,” he said. “That technology’s now in Texas.”

Democrats could turn Texas purple or blue “only because we allow it to happen,” Delay said.

Okay, so let me tell you what is going to happen next.  Tom DeLay will be forming a “technology” company.  He will round up a few software engineers and call it The True American Digital Free Enterprise Freedom Liberty and More Freedom Boutique.  He will go to GOP donors with a plan to save the GOP.

And like every other scam operation at www.TomDeLay.com, it will fail.  Since he was indicted there have been at least five money-making failures, including the one where you paid money to read his blog, at his website.

I can promise you that another one is coming.  Republicans don’t lose on bad ideas or the fact that they’re just a bunch of old white men with hateful plans.  They lose because they have don’t have computers!  Tom DeLay, the last relic of a dying political party will save them all by having hate in zeros and ones instead of words.

The man will do anything for a buck.  Mark my word.  That will be his newest scam.

Louie Gohmert is convinced, dammit, that getting health care makes you die earlier.

I know that sounds crazy, but only if you’ve read a book.

Concerning the Affordable Care Act.

“If we keep doing little fixes to it, that also helps keep it, so I would rather postpone it as much as possible without doing little fixes because the little fixes could end up giving us a system where we see the morality rate start coming down, you die earlier, not because it’s an actual death panel but because you don’t get the treatment.”

That’s not a statement.  That is just words strung together with barbed wire.  He’s saying that getting health care kills you.

I firmly believe that we missed the boat to riches beyond our wildest dreams.  Someone else was inspired by Louie to invent a best selling game at Toys R Us.

Thanks to Jan and Brian C for the heads up.

Lakewood church and Pastor Joel Osteen got ripped off on Sunday night for the approximately $600,000 in the church’s safe that was taken in on Sunday.  I dunno know if my math is correct, but that means they bring in about $32 million a year just on Sundays.  Tax free.

Bubba Jr calls Lakewood, which meets in Houston’s old basketball arena, “Six Flags Over Jesus.”

Osteen makes even more money with books, trinkets, and assorted whatnots.

Ain’t it time to tax churches?