I think I may have told you the story about me being a young reporter at a city council meeting where the fire department was presenting their projected budget.  Among other fancy pants things the fire chief wanted in this small town was an eight story fire ladder.

A councilwoman was confused and asked, “Chief, why do you need an eight story fire truck ladder when the tallest building in town is two stories?”  She asked it nicely because she assumed it was something she didn’t understand about fire ladders.

The chief puffed himself up all tall, smug, and knowledgeable and answered, “Because you never know.”

Well, I had to write a straight news story about that answer and it was the hardest writing I have ever done.  You never know.  Only sometimes you do.  You kinda know you won’t have to have an eight story ladder to fight a two story fire.

“You never know” happens about as often as you’d suspect in Texas.  However, there are some examples of you-absolutely-do-know.

Texas Republican State Representative J M Lozano is a man of vision.  And that vision is drones.  HB 3429

As soon as practicable after the effective date of this Act, the office of the governor shall adopt the policies and procedures, establish the unmanned aircraft program, and acquire unmanned aircraft for state agency use as required by Section 490G.001, Government Code, as added by this Act.

The drones will be operated by the “Office of the Governor.”

We can’t pay for education.  We can’t pay for health care.  We can’t build or fix roads.  But, bygawd, we can let the Gov and JM have a drone to play with on the the weekends to crash-land on the roof of my house.  Fortunately, my house is only two stories so the fire chief has got that covered if we need to put out the subsequent fire.

A drone.  Somebody who can find Austin on a map and has the good sense to get there wants Texas to have drones because … you never know.

Heads up to Glen Maxey, who is forced to work with the guys.

Oh dear smiley faces.

Democratic Indiana state Rep. Justin Moed is a twit.  He just got caught sexting with – okay, I’m gonna holler – THE SAME DAMN WOMAN Anthony Weiner got caught sexting with.

TheDirty.com reported Tuesday that Moed responded to an ad Leathers posted seeking a submissive she could “financially dominate.” Texts Leathers provided to the site show a photo allegedly of Moed’s naked backside.

Wait, financial domination?  That’s a thing?

And no, I am not going to post a picture of Moed’s butt.

Good Ole Aaron Schock is flying his Republican colors again.

First there was decorating his office at taxpayer expense to look like a London brothel, then there was taking his entire staff to New York City for a first class weekend and having you foot the bill, next was that he misreported an expense as “software,” when in fact he spent it on a private plane ride to a Chicago Bears game, and now …

He took his personal photographer on a trip to India and failed to report it.

Schock appears to have improperly accepted money from an outside group to cover travel expenses for a companion on a trip to India and failed to disclose it in a possible violation of House rules, according to a National Journal review of public records.

He takes his personal photographer, who was not on his staff.

Then to score a perfect ten in cringe-worthiness, we discover that the outside group is “The Global Poverty Project, an advocacy organization that seeks to alleviate extreme poverty internationally.”

Oh the irony.  A man who doesn’t want to alleviate poverty in Chicago, takes money from a charity to travel to India to have his personal photographer take this pretty boy picture for Instagram.

Dude, pull up your socks.

Thanks to Chloe Bear for the heads up.

It’s Florida.  What can I say?

A cyclist died after accidentally shooting himself on Thursday afternoon, police said.

After reviewing video from nearby businesses and talking to witnesses, detectives determined that Smith was riding his bike when the handgun he was carrying in his jacket pocket discharged.

The good guy with a gun was riding a tricycle.

Lindsey Graham is upset, no, not upset – furious! that cuts have been made in defense spending.

He’s all a’quiver, y’all.

Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC) vowed that, if elected president, he would use the military to force Congress to reverse cuts to federal defense spending, Vox reported.

“I would literally use the military to keep them in if I had to,” Graham said at an event in New Hamphsire over the weekend. “

I think he’s serious.  I mean, little spittle things were forming at the corners of his mouth so he had to be serious.

I think that’s called a coup.  I could be wrong.  It could be called a Freekin’ Damn Ayatollah Move but I’ll probably have to look that up.

Thanks to Ralph and Mark for the heads up.

Oklahoma has decided that you can only get married if the church approves.

I am not joking.

House Bill 1125, sponsored by Republican State Representative Todd Russ, is a radical measure that would end secular marriage licenses in the state. In addition, the bill would bar all judges and other secular officials from performing marriages in Oklahoma.

It passed the House.

If you’re an atheist you have to file an affidavit in the county clerk’s office for a common law marriage.

Get this:  Republican representative Dennis Johnson.

Marriage was not instituted by government. It was instituted by God. There is no reason for Oklahoma or any state to be involved in marriage.

Uh, Dude, how about divorce?  Are we going to be doing divorce court in church now?

Republicans say that the purpose of the bill is to keep “Christian” county clerks from being “forced” to issue marriage licenses to gay couples.  I disagree.  The purpose is to make Oklahoma look stoopid.

Thanks to AlanInAustin and Brian for the heads up.