Apologies to Juanita Jean for stepping all over her this morning.  Great minds do think alike, especially when in crisis.

In one of the most remarkable biological changes in the history of evolution ever witnessed, Chuck Todd of Meet The Press suddenly grew a pair this morning while interviewing Cheeto Jesus’s special advisor liar, Kellyanne Conway.  Todd, who loves the horserace of politics but typically ignores the BS spread by talking heads, underwent a sudden evolutionary change, which apparently gave him the constitution to call a liar a liar in the middle of her lies.

It was classic.

https://youtu.be/IcBblq-QOo4

Oh, sorry, Momma.

Sean Spicer just held his first White House press briefing and it was quite a show.  It was a teeth gritting, spittle flying tirade against the media for…reporting actual facts.  Spicer called a special Whitehouse briefing on Saturday evening to lie; not just regular lying, but big time, clearly debunked, bald face lying in a very loud voice and then stalking off the stage like a rejected talent show participant, taking no questions.

He’s pissed that a reporter mistakenly had reported that the bust of MLK had been removed from the Oval Office.  Well, EEEEXXXXXCCCCCCUUUUUSSSSSSEEEEE MMMMEEEEEE. Said reporter made an honest mistake and immediately apologized for it.

Worse yet, Spicer then continued to rant, accusing the press of lying about the size of the crowd at the inauguration.  That’s right, the WH press secretary used his first press briefing to castigate the press for lying about the size of the crowd at his boss’s inauguration – by lying about the size of the crowd at the inauguration.  It was like watching a skit straight out of Saturday Night Live.

Here are the facts: Barack Obama’s inauguration was the largest event ever held on the Mall in DC.  Ever. Trump’s inauguration was 1/3 the size of the Women’s March on Washington yesterday.  Those are the facts, irrefutable and supported by crowd analysis by scientist, bus parking pass numbers, and DC Metro ridership numbers.

What is this about?  It’s not about the size of the crowd at the inauguration.  It’s about setting the ground rules for how the Cheeto administration is going to try to control the press.  It’s reminiscent of the tactics of GWB’s administration attempt to control the press and meaner than Nixon’s dislike of the press.  I think of this as an attempt to control the Cheeto message through any means, including bald-faced lies since 1/3 of the electorate will believe it, no matter the actual content of the lie.

The only way the press can defend itself from this assault on the Fourth Estate is a better offense – the must band together and demand accountability.  They can’t lay back and allow a fellow journalist to get publicly eviscerated by this administration. They must public defend one another to ward off this assault on our society.

In the meantime, my advice to Sean Spicer?  Buy a suit that fits, dumbass. (sorry Momma) You’re WH press secretary, not a fake professional wrestling announcer.  Oh, wait.

To celebrate his historic inauguration as, uh…urp, president, Cheeto Jesus announced a new line of commemorative souvenirs not made in the USA.  Here they are:

Inaugural Tie Personally Tied by the President $399.99

Custom Kazoos Designed for Kellyanne Conway by Gucci $300.00 each or 12 for $10,000

Softly Sensual Jeweled Lollipop designed by Melania Trump for QVC $5,000.00

Scale model limo designed for Barron Trump – $300.00

And finally, in limited supply,

Cheeto Bronzer designed specifically for Cheeto Jesus $400.00 or 2 for $900.00

My beginning of the first day of the new, uh…urp, president’s term began appropriately – after a restless few hours of sleep, I was jolted out of bed at 3 am with a gigantic charley horse in my left leg.  Blissful sleep this night was not to be.  So, I dragged my weary self down the stairs, made my morning tea and opened my iPad.  JJJJEEEEEZZZZZZUUUUUSSSSS.  The first story is about how the FBI, the NSA, and the CIA are using intercepted communications to investigate Cheeto Jesus’s advisors’ ties to the Russians.  Several of CJ’s close advisors are under the microscope.

Then there’s the story about how CJ wanted tanks and missile launchers in the inaugural parade.  No, really, this idiot actually wanted a North Korean and Russian style parade.  Mercifully, the Pentagon said no, but caved on his demand for flyovers of aircraft from all the branches of the military.  This is the first time a flyover has been done since Harry Truman’s inaugural parade in 1949.

Then there’s the story that this transition was so poorly managed that dozens of Obama appointees were asked to stay until His Orangeness gets off Twitter long enough to hire the rest of his WH staff. Of the 660 staff he needs to appoint, he’s only filled 29 positions.

Then there’s the story about the Cheeto Interrussian Hotel that has already become an ethical minefield, and is now ground zero for those wishing favors from the new, uh…urp, president by holding huge events there, thus pouring more money into his pockets.

Then there’s the announcement by CJ that his 2020, uh…urp, reelection bid slogan is “Keep America Great”, which just so happens to be identical to the tag line of a horror movie from last year, The Purge, Election Year.  That’s right, dear customers, Cheeto Jesus just plagiarized his next campaign motto from a horror flick about election night.  You just can’t make up this stuff.

Then there’s the story about Reince Preibus ordering new staffers to not talk to CJ without his prior permission.  Oh, and to stay off social media.

BBBBBBBBBUUUUUUUAAAAAAHHHHAAAAA!  The irony just seeps out of this one.

This promises to be a dark day.  I’m seeing Ms. Jefe off this morning to raise hell in the Women’s March on Washington, then I’m going to start drinking.  After all, if you don’t start early, you can’t drink all day.

Pray for wind.

As expected, the tsunami of lies pouring out of Cheeto Tower have reached Fukushima proportions.  After biting his lip over Alec Baldwin’s masterful SNL portrayal of him Saturday night, CJ exploded yesterday, ranting about Baldwin, insulting the director of the CIA, and, of course, Democrats.

But the most interesting lie, though, was the one he told during a telephone interview with the Washington Post on Saturday.  In that interview Trump declared that he’s close to a new healthcare plan that includes “insurance for everybody” and that the federal government was going to negotiate drug prices with Big Pharma.  What?

So, after railing for years about the evils of Obamacare, CJ is going to replace it with Hillarycare, rebranded as Cheetocare?  The chances of getting this through Congress?  Infinitesimal to zero.  But then he can blame them, right?  More chaos on Bullshit Mountain (sorry, Momma).

My head is spinning.