His name is Bob Marshall.  He’s from Richmond, Virginia.  He’s making Sweet Jesus cry.

State Delegate Bob Marshall of Manassas says disabled children are God’s punishment to women who have aborted their first pregnancy.

He made that statement Thursday at a press conference to oppose state funding for Planned Parenthood.

“The number of children who are born subsequent to a first abortion with handicaps has increased dramatically. Why? Because when you abort the first born of any, nature takes its vengeance on the subsequent children,” said Marshall, a Republican.

“In the Old Testament, the first born of every being, animal and man, was dedicated to the Lord. There’s a special punishment Christians would suggest.”

In related news, the problem may have been taken care of …..

Police report rabid raccoon in suburban Richmond

RICHMOND, Va. (AP) — Henrico County Police say they’ve confirmed a case of rabies in a raccoon that was killed by a pet dog.

Police say tests by the state confirmed the disease Tuesday. The animal was found dead in the front yard of a suburban Richmond home after responding to a call of a dog killing a raccoon Saturday.

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It seems that the State Legislature of Virginia is looking after their citizens.  A whole lot.

They are voting to protect Virginians from the Mark of the Beast.  “There is to be no 666-ing in Virginia,” Juanita warns all who were pondering doing it.

The House of Delegates is scheduled to vote Wednesday on a bill that would protect Virginians from attempts by employers or insurance companies to implant microchips in their bodies against their will.

It might also save humanity from the antichrist, some supporters think.

“And, as everybody knows,” Juanita informs you, “the devil is mortified of the Virginia state legislature.  Can’t say I blame the devil, being as how I’m like a rabbit in a coyote’s back pocket when it comes to people like this guy,” Juanita says as she points to words she cannot bring herself to read aloud.

David Neff, editor of the magazine Christianity Today, said that some fundamentalist Christians believe that bar codes and implanted microchips could be used by a totalitarian government to control commerce — a sign of the coming end of the world.

“This is part of a larger attempt to constantly read current history in the light of the symbolic language of the Book of Revelation,” he said.

“Now, somebody fix me if I’m wrong about this,” Juanita offers, “but aren’t the Super DeLux Brand Christians rooting for the end times?  Aren’t they looking forward to watching God toss our liberal butts into the fires of hell?”

“You’d think they’d be first in line to get a ringside seat for that!”

And what are those wacky Democrats in Virgina doing while the Republicans are trying to trick the devil?

“We’ve got a $4 billion hole, and we’re spending time on microchips,” said Del. Albert C. Pollard Jr. (D-Northumberland). “At least when Nero fiddled, they got good music.”

“I can dance to that tune,” Juanita grins.

Jesus loves the little children,
All the children of the world.
Red and yellow, black and white ….
Whoa, not so much.

As most of you know, Juanita has been following the semi-tragic and nearly horrible victimization of Hannah Giles, the chick who played a hooker in the ACORN sting.  Hannah is the granddaughter of Fort Bend County’s own head busybody, State Republican Executive Committee Member and self-righteous harpy, Terese Raia.

“This has been better than fifty yard line seats at the Cotton Bowl,” Juanita grins.  “After prancing Miss Giles all over the county and Jesusfying her to everyone in shouting distance, it now appears that Miss Giles ain’t exactly what she pretended to be – the courageous little college student who went after the bad guys.”

“She’s opened a Victim Shop and gone into the lucrative business of being a perpetual injured party,” Juanita hoots.

Giles’s fundraising appeal, printed on pink paper and decorated with stars in what is supposed to look like purple marker, portrays her looming legal fights as nothing less than an epic battle between good and evil. Warning that her “ordeal is far from over” — “I fear it’s just the beginning,” she writes (emphasis hers) — Giles says that ACORN has no choice but to “make an example” of her.

“Victim, my patootie!  I guess Hannah never got taught that if you throw the first punch, somebody might respond with the second 7 punches.  And now Hannah is using false pretenses to separate people from their money.  She’s a televangelist, except with less morals,” Juanita says while pouring a cup of coffee.  “Don’t that just jar your preserves?”

By the way, Juanita discovered that Hanna’s daddy has a radio show.  It’s based on Jesus with an AK47.  It’ll make you throw up a little in your mouth.

No imitation Jesus here.  No, sireee.  This is the genuine thing.

This ad was in the Sunday newspaper, and since I was recently attacked by a railroad crossing arm, someone cut it out and left for me at the beauty salon.

Juanita doesn’t get it. If the copper works, why do you need Jesus?  If Jesus works, why do you need copper ?  It seems to her that you’re insulting either the copper or Jesus, maybe even both.  And when you start messing with magical powers, mixing them like cheap liquor at a frat party, you ain’t asking for nothing but trouble.

Click here to see the whole thing in all its splendid glory.

Miss Verdelia, who is a charter member and front row sitter of the Greater Hope and Utopia Missionary Baptist Church, Footwashing Division, says this thing doesn’t work.  She has seven of them if you want to try for yourself.

Well, Punxsutawney Phil poked his head up and promptly upchucked, so that means 6 more weeks of campaigning.

“Six more weeks of Kay clawing and Rick twitching at each other,” Thelma sighs heavily.  “I dunno know if we’ll survive this in my blessed Republican Party.  It’s just got us all divided up.  I mean, I don’t want to pick between Sarah Palin or Dick Cheney when it comes to ruling Texas.  That’s a hard choice.  Last night at the Belles of Heaven Republican Women’s Club meeting, we officially suspended having to act like Christians for the next six weeks so that our members can campaign properly.”

Thelma pauses while everybody in the shop stands stunned at that reasoning.

“We did,” she assures us.  “And there’s some things that need to be said about our local candidates that just putting them on the prayer list doesn’t quite cover.”

Oh, we can’t wait for this.  It’s gonna be good.

Thelma did ask Juanita which Republican she wanted to see win in the Governor’s race, trying to get a feel for who Democrats think would be the easiest to beat.

“Thelma, Baby, there ain’t gonna be enough left of any of the three of them to fret about,” Juanita assured her.