Some things are just hard to believe.

Why, for example, would a incumbent Hispanic female running as a Democrat for the State Lege take a nice looking young man like this —

And turn him into this on a political mailer that covers a whole 8 by 11 inch inch page?

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I guess she couldn’t find a picture of Willie Horton.

The African American candidate had a civil judgment against him.

We are used to Republicans doing this to Barack Obama, but to see one Democrat do it against another Democrat on the eve of the election makes me go to the bathroom and make strange biological sounds.

If she wins, I will post a list of her major endorsers with their phone numbers so you can call and ask them if they approve of crapola like this.

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UPDATE: And she’s taking Republican money to do this.  Check out the last-minute donation from Bob Perry’s PAC , Hillco, to pay for this mailer.

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Incumbent State Representative and well known mean person, Dora Olivo, has now joined the Stinkerdom Movement, a political strategy that up until now has been reserved for Republicans.

Dora has taken a boatload of Labor Union money.

Yet, none of her printed materials or yardsigns have a union bug on them.  And she hasn’t bought them locally either.

“Now, if I had given Dora a whole mess of money and then she took her business over to Betty Sue’s Hairirific, I’d be a tad peeved,” Juanita admits.

“I don’t know who is making decisions about Union political contributions around here, but they apparently don’t like unions much,” Juanita suspects.

“Plus, that’s just rude.  It’s just rude.  But, that’s Dora so what else can I say?”

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It’s April 10, 2018, and I still stand by this and still think it’s funny.  This woman was a menace to the Democratic Party.  

Also, a woman named Yvonne Sanchez is stalking me.  It’s creepy, mainly because she’s never met me.  

Enjoy and look around the website.  It’s pretty funny.

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I think we’ve told you about Elaine Bishop, our local Democratic Party Chair.

“I’m not saying she is lazy,” Juanita begins, “but there is absolutely no danger of her ever drowning in her own sweat.  She has held one meeting in the past 4 months, hasn’t recruited any candidates, hasn’t put out one yardsign, doesn’t turn in forms to the State Party, and won’t lifted a finger to raise any money, that we know of.  I say ‘that we know of’ because there hasn’t been a treasurer’s report in two years.”

“She spent the Presidential election keeping her hands warm by sitting on them.  She didn’t do diddle squat except allow the Obama team to open a “headquarters” in her neighborhood to phonebank out of state for Obama with people’s personal cell phones.   Whoop-te-unblue-do,” Juanita says.  Sarcasm is just another of the friendly free services offered at The World’s Most Dangerous Beauty Salon, Inc.

Elaine has never raised a dime for any Democratic candidate.

So imagine everyone’s shock when Elaine shows up at an event with her own pushcard.

“Satan Himself wrote the backside of this pushcard.  I know that’s true because no living person could lie that much without the card self-combusting,” Juanita remind us that there’s science involved in these kinds of thing.

See that thing where she says she recruited and supported viable candidates?  Pants on fire.  “I’ll pay her $100 cash American money for each one she can name,” Juanita promises.

See the thing that says “Increased Leadership Roles of Democrats in Early Election – Election Day and on Election Boards Promoting Democratic Inclusion in Electoral Process”?    Now, that’s making up stuff.  That makes no sense at all.  “I’ve read it out loud to five people and none of them can figure diddle-squat out of that,” Juanita grins.  “That’s not writing; that’s typing.”

We only have one county election board and one Democrat on that board – her – same as always.  And, her goal seems to be keeping Republicans happy.

“But, the fun doesn’t stop there,” Juanita promises while gearing up for some pure delight.  “See there where she takes credit an increase in voter registration?  Aw, no siree, that didn’t have nothing at all to do with Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton.  No, Elaine did that all on her own without ever getting out of her Lazy Boy recliner.  It was magic!”

“See where she takes credit for record participation in the Precinct and Senator conventions?  I wonder if she’s also taking credit for record participation all over Texas?  Think about it, through the sheer power of her will, people in Dallas went to conventions!”

And the rest of it is hogwash, too.

So, we figured we’d come up with a list of other things that Elaine Bishop has done as Democratic Party Chair that she can include on her next pushcard:

1.  No terrorist attacks on US soil during her term of office.

2.  That pimple you didn’t get?  Thank Elaine Bishop.

3.  Michelle Obama being on the Best Dressed list?  Tips from Elaine, of course.

4.  She led that whole Geo-political Unification of the Hegemonic Unrestrained Momentum Toward Economic Retitheization Multi-economic Trilateral Process thingy.

5.  She does, however, accept full responsibility for not keeping Tiger Woods on the path of righteousness.

6.  She oversaw the opening Olympic ceremony.

7.  Successful space shuttle launch did, after all, happen under her watch.

8.  Did the sun rise this morning or did it not?

9.  Republican dominance in this county?  Absolutely NOTHING To Do With Elaine Bishop.  Nothing.

10.  Windows 7 – her idea.

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Juanita wants you to know that there’s good news and there’s bad news.

The bad news is that she wasted a whole morning at the Richmond Post Office waiting for the  crazy man – Kesha Rogers for Congress’s campaign manager – to show up.  She made signs, some tin foil hats, and since it’s a gorgeous day here, she even brought a lawn chair and a bottle of Sangria.  She thinks she might have scared him off yesterday when she asked him, “Uh, exactly when did you break out in the crazies?”

But, she left the signs and tin foil hats in her trunk and will keep a look out.  If she could find a pony and offer pictures taken on the pony with the crazy dude, she could retire within a week.

Now for the good news:  If Juanita says it’s Christmas, Hon, you better go buy some little twinkling lights.  Remember when she told you that she was leery of any man who had to mention his “family values” three times on one pushcard?

Oh dear.  A customer arrived just minutes ago to let Juanita know that she was right on target about Richard Raymond – he’s running for District Attorney as the Republican John Edwards.  I’ll have a link for you soon.

I just didn’t want you to think that Juanita was goofing off today.

If you ever needed proven scientific evidence that goofy is contagious, you can nominate Juanita for the Nobel Prize in Figuring Stuff Out because she’s got it.

We have a three way race in the Republican primary for District Attorney of Fort Bend County.  That’s mainly because the current DA has about as much flash as a dead battery and all the courtroom skills of Hamilton Burger

One of his opponents, Richard D. Raymond, was groomed by our goofy sheriff, Milton Wright.  And, Baby, it shows.

As I told you in another incarnation, Richard D. Raymond is asking voters to do something that he’s never done before in his whole life: vote in a non-Presidential primary.

So when he says he’s a “proven conservative,” he must have proven it on a NARCAR track because he sure hasn’t proven it at the voting booth.

Somebody dropped off some Richard D Raymond for DA pushcards at the beauty salon.  We’re saving those suckers because they are printed on such heavy shiny paper that you could use them to scrape paint.

I parked the big copies of these over yonder for your entertainment.

“Now I know this guy has zero experience in criminal law,” Juanita starts, “but it appears that he has no idea what a DA does for a living.  He seems to think he’s running for United States Senate or President.  It’s gonna come as great shock to him if he wins that he doesn’t get to change existing law according to his whim.”

Right there on the front of his pushcard, it says, “Pro-Family, Pro-Life Conservative Leadership.”  “What the hell is that?” Juanita wonders, “He is not going to follow current law?  Is that what he’s saying?  What the heck does a small town District Attorney have to do with abortion?  Is he gonna collect all the coathangers or something?”

“Then on the back, he proclaims, “Pro-Life, Pro-Family, Pro-Second Amendment leader who supports secure borders,” she says with amazement.  “Secure borders with whom?  Montgomery County?  Harris County?  Okay, so maybe I could support that Harris County thing.”

“Unless he’s making a campaign promise to take his 2^nd Amendment deer rifle down to the valley on the weekends and walked back and forth between Brownsville and Progresso looking real mean, that’s a pretty empty sounding deal,”  Juanita chuckles.  “He might want to check his On-Star, because we ain’t got a border with Mexico.”

Juanita says she has no idea what Pro-Family means, but she might be kinda leary to use the example currently in use by Mr. Raymond’s supporters at the Sheriff’s Department.  “At the sheriff’s department, they so pro-family that most of them have several. “

And maybe John Edwards did this to Juanita, but the more a man talks about being pro-family and “a loving husband,” the more she wonders when the paternity suit is coming.  Raymond has it three times on one brochure.

Under his “Integrity” claims, he lists that he a long-time member” of a church, an active member of the Exchange Club, and then he runs kinda dry.  So, he lists “men’s Bible Study” and “The Christian Children’s Fund.”  He’s just making stuff up now.

Juanita is kicking herself on the rump because Democrats didn’t run anybody for this seat.

Juanita is peeved this morning about a local thing.

The Democratic Party Chair in Fort Bend often causes Juanita to ponder the wavering line between incompetence and downright meanness.  “How do you know whether somebody did something awful because they’re dumb or because they are just hateful?  You can’t,” she contends, “because mean people are always writing off their meanness as a ‘mistake’.  If the Texas Legislature was worth a flip, they’d pass laws against that excuse.”

Elaine Bishop, the local Democratic Party Chair, has a strong and exceptionally worthy opponent in this upcoming election with a young, smart and energetic fella named Steve Brown.  Steve’s got ideas, smarts, energy, and a good way with people.

Well, Steve turned in his ballot application all according to law, saying he wanted his name printed on the ballot as Stephen “Steve” Brown.  He might as well have been throwing coins in a fountain because the current party chairman, the same Ms. Bishop as mentioned above, gave Steve’s requested ballot name to the County Election Officer as she is required by The Texas Election Code.  It is from this list that a ballot is prepared, so you would think she would take great care insuring that all the names are correct.  You know, what with laws and requirements and such.

She turned in two names for Steve – Steven Brown and Stephan Brown.  Neither is correct, and certainly neither is the name he requested for himself on the ballot.

The one the Election Officer picked for the ballot by using judgment that seems to be based on deep and abiding whim?  Stephan Brown.

“Good Lord!  In a race that will largely be decided by African Americans, they turned a perfectly nice African American young man into a Norwegian,” Juanita grimaces.

“Oddly, Elaine Bishop’s real name is Elena, but her requested name of Elaine got on the ballot just fine,” Juanita notes with eyes rolling above her new pink neon half rims.  “And, some other candidates requested their names include a nickname and that worked out just fine.  The only name she messed-up was her own opponent.  That reeks of not-an-accident.”

And 1,500 absentee ballots have already been sent out with Stephan’s Danish name on them.

A member of the State Democratic Executive Committee not related by marriage to either me or Juanita wrote that electing Steve would get rid us of the “cornpone and patronage party” we currently have.  Juanita thought it was a tad strong at the time.She Give Cornpone a Bad Name

She’s changed her mind.

And if any local Republicans want to waddle in and point out that there’s Democratic in-fighting, I need to remind them that they have a few luscious  fights of their own – the Steeple People vs. The People Who Drag Out Ronald Reagan.  Oh yes, I haven’t forgotten.