Cannibalism?
So when a Republican politician eats stolen cashew nuts, is that cannibalism?
Dale Peterson, an Alabama Republican state official famous for flaunting his rifle in campaign ads promising to be tough on crime, was arrested Wednesday and charged with shoplifting a can of cashews. The arrest, first reported by Yellowhammer.com, marked the second time in six months that Peterson has been accused of stealing.
His new arrest occurred at a Sam’s Club, where police said employees watched Peterson eat a can of cashews in the store, then place the empty can back on a shelf. Store security guards confronted Peterson on his way out. He was released from custody after posting $1,000 bond.
Peterson then took to Twitter to announce that it all was a giant conspiracy.
Yeah, you’re not supposed to arrest a white man for shoplifting. Don’t you know the Alabama Criminal Code?
Thanks to Stephen for the heads up.
A handful of cashews. Peterson must have pretty big hands if a whole container of Sam’s Club cashews only amounted to a handful. If he trains his hand at home to become large enough to do this, the video would have to be posted to a porn site.
1Looks like the Peterson-haters aren’t nuts.
2Can that first tweet be entered into evidence as a confession of guilt? Because, you know, “sometimes there are just facts.”
3Sweet holy Jeebus that’s a lot of nuts:
http://www.samsclub.com/sams/fancy-cashew-33-oz/prod7020116.ip?navAction=push
4Well, at least he got the hashtag correct:
#SomethingAin’tRight
5So stealing is okay as long as the item stolen fits in your hands? I mean, I really like diamonds.
6An absurd excuse by an intellectual cripple. The hat doesn’t help.
7Unsuccessful campaign for Alabama Ag Commissioner: $564,000
Remington Repeater Rifle (Tea Party Commemorative Edition): $1,499
Having a store employee follow you around every retail establishment you enter for the rest of your life because you’re known as a serial shoplifter: Priceless!
8I don’t care what happens to this loser.
I looked at the pic. And said “Lord….. please…. not another one from Texas.”
Nope. This idiot is from Aladamnedbama.
Unfortunately, they will probably elect him to some office.
Some people deserve what they vote for.
9Um, the Petersen haters at Sam’s were so quick on him because they have security cameras. In those black hemisphere things in the ceiling. What a buffoon!
10Like the alien crash in Roswell, the shooter on the grassy knoll, the faked moon landing, we now have the mystery of the disappearing cashews. As Dale Peterson himself asks; coincidence, conspiracy, or fact? The fact that it’s happened twice in six months must be a coincidence, so that only leaves… CONSPIRACY.
11Lucky Sam’s Club doesn’t sell jars of salted Idiots.
The first time he was caught shoplifting, he ran right through the check-out line with his “purchases”. Didn’t learn his lesson. Maybe it’s those ten-gallon hats. Too tight?
12Poor, pathetic guy. He was hungry, bless his heart. But…according to several sites on Google, cashews can give you a bad case of gas. I’m sorry, but that makes me giggle!
13Aww, nuts!
14Looks like he needs his nuts cut off….cashew nuts (what in the world did you think I meant? This is a family column).
15At least he stole from one of his own…Sam’s Club. If it was Costco, I’d be upset!
16It gets better… Peterson told The Daily Caller “The whole jar was $13 dollars, but I had a little handful out there. Never opened them again. And if you want to break it down, it’s about 22 cents worth of peanuts.”
Meaning, he not only stole nuts (and didn’t know what kind they were), he put the open jar back on the shelf. Eeeewwwww!
17Only 22 cents worth of nuts? Those hand enlargement exercises must not have worked …
18He doesn’t know the difference between peanuts and cashews! Most jars of nuts have an inner seal that has to be opened in order to keep people from pilfering some. He must have put his dirty hand into the jar (I’m sure it was dirty because he looks like the type who doesn’t wash after using the restroom), so he’s a walking health hazard in addition to being a liar and shoplifter.
19“So when a Republican politician eats stolen cashew nuts, is that cannibalism?”
20That is hilarious…I’m certainly going to use this line again…when any Republican eats nuts, it must be cannibalism.
I once opened a packet of trail mix in the store, because the checkout line was so long I was getting a headache from going well past lunchtime… but I was raised right, so I put the half-empty bag on the belt and paid full price for it. (It wasn’t priced by the weight at the time of checkout, as grapes would be.)
I guess this boy wasn’t raised right. Especially if he ate some and put the can back…. That’s just too tacky for words.
21According to the news story the container was empty – did he eat 2 lbs of cashews at one time? Yow!!!!
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