Bless their hearts, there’s been so little straight, consensual sex-oh-what-will-we-tell-the-children going on lately on the Democratic side of the aisle that General Petraeus and his well worn zipper have Republicans all outraged.

As I have scientifically explained before, outrage is Republican foreplay.

So, I mean, you can understand why they’re so excited and calling for investigations and impeachments and all manner of teevee opportunities to say sex and outrage in the same sentence, which are the two main ingredients for making whoopie.

And you know that if there was whoopie going on anywhere anyhow anyway in Washington DeeCee, the black man had to be involved.  He had to be.  You know how those black men are.  They don’t even have kinky sex in airport bathrooms like respectable white Republican men do.

So, Fox News is calling for an investigation.

I have a deal.  A lifetime supply of this genuine Horny Goat Weed if they will just shuddup about sex until we get the economy on track. I do not know what Horny Goat Weed is but I saw it at the pharmacy and decided it should be the official product of the Republican party.  And, no, I do not know what Maca is either, but I’m sure a double dose wouldn’t hurt any at all.

And one more thing – Republicans  don’t get to talk about “national security” ever.  Never.  We know when 911 happened, don’t we?