I am here to tell you that sometimes the ignorance in Texas is shoulder deep.

Aiden Steward is nine years old and seems to be constantly in trouble at Kermit Elementary School out in West Texas.  If I had been suspended from elementary school for the things that Aiden has been suspended for, I’d still be in elementary school.

Aiden once brought his favorite book to school to impress his teacher, but school officials freaked out because “The Big Book of Knowledge” had a section about pregnancy and included an illustration of a pregnant woman. In another innocuous incident, Aiden referred to a black student as black, which drew yet another suspension from the school.

But last week, Aiden did the unspeakable.  His family watched The Hobbit.  Aiden went to school with a “magic ring.”  Yes, he did.

So, Aiden brought a ring of his own to Kermit Elementary School and told his friends that they, too, could become invisible by using his ring.

Apparently, the teachers and principal believed him and they weren’t having any of this magical invisible crap going on at school.  What was next?  Children thinking they could fly with a cape?

So they suspended him for a terrorist threat.

Kermit’s dad was kinda stumped.

“I assure you my son lacks the magical powers necessary to threaten his friend’s existence,” he added. “If he did, I’m sure he’d bring him right back.”

But the principal didn’t see it that way.  She refused to comment on the incident.

Kermit Elementary Principal Roxanne Greer told the Odessa American that she could not comment on the suspension, because “all student stuff is confidential,” but Steward said that she told him that any and all threats to a child’s safety — including magical ones — would be taken seriously by the school.

So I guess Light sabers, Where the Wild Things Are, and Little Red Riding Hood are not welcome at Kermit Elementary School, which, you’ll note, shares a name with an imaginary frog, dammit.

Principal Greer, I have a voodoo doll with your name on it.

Thanks to everybody for the heads up.