But It’s Certified!
During his press conference today, Sean Spicer announced that Donald Trump is certainly aware of Senator Lindsey Graham’s concerns about Trump’s business dealings. And it is being duly addressed as we speak.
Donald Trump welcomes scrutiny of his business dealings, so …
“The President, obviously, was aware of Sen. Graham’s suggestion after he made it today and he’s fine with that,” Spicer said Tuesday. “He has no business in Russia. He has no connections to Russia. So he welcomes that.”
“In fact, he has already charged a leading law firm in Washington, D.C. to send a certified letter to Sen. Graham to that point, that he has no connections to Russia,” Spicer added. “So that should be a really easy look.”
Okay, I know that sounds crazy. I know that paying writ twits to write a letter for you sounds like you’re trying to avoid the truth or any remote resemblance to scrutiny, but, y’all, it’s a certified letter. Certified. That’s how the United States Postal System works. Certified is the same thing as holding up your hand and swearing to the truth. When you lick the envelope you have to say, “So help me God.”
Hey, at least it isn’t being written by his personal physician.
No business connections as in contracts to build hotels? Well, there are a lot of other things that constitute business connections such as bank loans and such. Ten to one the letter strictly defines business connections in such a way as to leave out loans. Its not going to impress anybody with the “truth”. And as far as a new FBI director is concerned, it had better not be anyone with Putin’s blessing upon him . . . or her.
1I was not aware of the strength of the US postal service. I will have to be careful of all those birthday cards I send. Truly state my intentions and feelings, because I had no idea i was under oath!
2COOL!! I’m gonna send a letter that says Trump is a lying butthead… CERTIFIED!!
3I’m quoting…
4“You lie!!!!!!!!!!”
This shows how running the government as a business is paying off. I bet no other president has thought of sending a certified letter to a senator (because it’s stupid and unnecessary). His dad’s big bucks for tuition to Wharton are shining now!
5OK. The letter was sent certified. Donnie is certifiable. Where do we send him “return mail not accepted?”
6Next, Sen Graham announces he never received any such letter, to which Sean Spicer posits it “must have been lost in the mail.”
7Well, the letter comes from lawyers, so it has to be true. I mean, if you can’t trust lawyers, who can you trust? They’re lawyers!
8He may not have business in Russia, but Russia and Russians certainly have business with him. Here’s the English-language version of a Dutch production about his shady Russian friends:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kKLWloj2ohM
9