Because, You Know, You’re Just One Hammer Away From Being Noah

June 16, 2015 By: Juanita Jean Herownself Category: Uncategorized

We’re thinking Noah on the Gulf Coast right now but so is another guy. Greg Gianforte, a fat cat tech billionaire and major crazybutt Republican, has decided that he might run for Governor of Montana.

UnknownYou probably know Greg from his frightening $1.5 million creationist dinosaur museum in  Montana.

But that’s not all.  You know the Golden Years?  Not so much.

“There’s nothing in the Bible that talks about retirement. And yet it’s been an accepted concept in our culture today,” he said. “Nowhere does it say, ‘Well, he was a good and faithful servant, so he went to the beach.’ It doesn’t say that anywhere.”

“The example I think of is Noah,” he continued. “How old was Noah when he built the ark? 600. He wasn’t like, cashing Social Security checks, he wasn’t hanging out, he was working. So, I think we have an obligation to work. The role we have in work may change over time, but the concept of retirement is not biblical.”

The Bible also does not speak on child labor.  Nowhere does it say that 6 year olds can’t be putting in a 60 hour work week.

Greg is also known as Scrooge’s meaner brother.

Thanks to MB for the heads up.

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0 Comments to “Because, You Know, You’re Just One Hammer Away From Being Noah”


  1. There are some statements people make that are so egregiously stupid that you should not dignify them with a response.

    Greg go away. Now.

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  2. JAKvirginia says:

    Listen up, butthead! I work everyday at 63. I just don’t get paid for it. Um, and neither did Noah!

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  3. His Bible does say a few things about money, however. Such as rich man … needle … heaven. Also, his god admonishes his followers to give away all their riches and follow him because god will provide.

    So let’s start with the things his sacred text actually says and then we can move on to the things it omits.

    M’kay?

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  4. daChipster says:

    No guns in the Bible. No cable in the Bible. No democracy in the Bible.

    No phone, no lights, no motorcar, not a single luxury.

    Guys like this need to be plucked from society, driven to the middle of a desert, stripped of everything and given bronze age tools, a tent, a breeding pair of camels, a breeding pair of sheep, a breeding pair of goats, two skins of water, a loin cloth and the Bible.

    “There’s the user manual,” he should be told. “The rest of your short, miserable life, you can only live by what is in there. On your mark…”

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  5. If he lived where we live, and looked outside right now, he would be wishing HE had an ark.
    SE Texans – stay safe!
    Oh, and GO, daChipster!!

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  6. Old Fart says:

    The sad part about is, saying “go away & leave me alone” won’t do it. It has to be his way for EVERYONE.

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  7. 1smartcanerican™ says:

    I often wonder how people who seems as ill-informed and stupid as him manage to amass such a fortune in filthy lucre. I can’t imagine working with him and listening to his xtian rantings. May he fail miserably in his quest to lead the beautiful state of Montana.

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  8. And if I live to be 600 I promise to come out of retirement and build something.

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  9. I hate Bible application to modern life. Especially those who cherry-pick their verses.

    And daChipster, I love the suggestion. See if he is still cranking at 600 with that life.

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  10. Marcia in CO says:

    daChipster has it right … put all these RWNJ quasi-Christians out in the middle of one of our deserts and only give them what the Biblical desert dwellers had and, apparently, survived on!! Let them strike as many rocks as they can with a stick and see if water pours out of them for their relief and benefit. Let’s see if honey-flavored manna falls from the sky for their nutrition!

    It would certainly be a test of their faith!

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  11. Hollyanna says:

    daChipster hits the nail on the head!

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  12. Desert? How about putting them all on a good sized sheet of Arctic ice with just enough stuff to hunt seals, hook a fish, outsmart a polar bear and come back in say anywhere from five weeks to six months and see if they are still there. So many of these RWNJ’s are anti-science and huge climate change deniers. The ice sheet couldn’t happen to a better bunch.

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  13. To all the patrons above who mentioned Greggo and his ilk rocking it Biblical style, Greggo and his ilk define “roughing it” as staying in a 3 star hotel and eating at a restaurant with no Michelin stars. Surviving by their own hand is as beyond them as checking out at WalMart was to Poppy Bush 20ish years ago.

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  14. Lots of us retired geezers work our butts off for no recompense as volunteers. Ol’ Greg would probably think that is a sin.

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  15. Just another RWNJ who is sure that somewhere in the Bible, Jesus definitely said, “I’ve got mine, Jack; now root hog, or die.” I believe it’s the first verse in the first chapter of Ayn.

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  16. TruelyTexan says:

    The Bible doesn’t mention America either. How about if these people all go stay in the peaceful utopias that are the places their holy book mentions by name.

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  17. Of course, despite Noah’s 600 years, the average life expectancy throughout most of human history was less than 40 years. Not that I’m questioning whether Noah actually lived 18x longer than most people at that time…

    I’m just saying that retirement probably wasn’t a thing when 38 year olds hung out at their kids’ house a few months waiting for this week’s plague or a neighboring tribe to come kill them.

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  18. Nor does it “say in the Bible” – vote Republican. You really DON’T have ta do it.

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  19. I have no trouble understanding this person’s attitude if I keep in mind that each/all of us has free will choice in everything we do. Of course, foreseeable consequences may demur us into thinking we have no choice.
    One of these choices, as I have mentioned a short while back, is whether to sell our souls or not. Selling automatically comes with loss of compassion and understanding. An additional one is ‘forgetting’ where the tools came from that allowed him to accumulate this great wealth; ie, he believes he did it on his own.
    This perspective, imo, keeps me from hopping down a bunch of irrelevant bunny trails.

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  20. Irish in S.C. says:

    DaChipster. He should also be required to live by the calendar of 5000 years ago. The rise of the full moon which happens 13 or 14 times in one of our years. Noah was somewhere between 40 and 50, not old enough for S.S.
    I learned this in the 4th grade.

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  21. van59, you nailed on the nose. So did that Wise and Witty One, daChipster. Thank you both.

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  22. Marge Wood says:

    DaChipster, you betcha. Also the rest of y’all coming up with good movie material. I bet Noah also did not have a tailored suit and starched white shirt. Some folks don’t know when to leave well enough alone.

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