Because It’s Against the Law in Texas for a Constable to Not Hit Every Gay Person He Can Find
I want to welcome you to Williamson County. It’s north of Austin and dangerously close to Waco.
It used to populist farm and ranch land until Del Webb built a Sun City there and imported a bunch of old gripey people. Then the whole place just went to hell. My good friend and long time customer Ellen in Texas (sometimes called EClaire) is a rancher in Williamson County and volunteers down at the Democratic headquarters.
Well, Williamson County is minus one constable because Constable Bobby Gutierrez retired. Constables are elected but Ole Bobby had just about all he could take and retired mid term. Constables serve civil papers. They are also licensed police offices in the state of Texas.
When we’re minus a constable in Texas, Commissioners Court gets to appoint one which is a damn shame because Commissioners Court in Texas is generally four good-ole-boys who couldn’t make a living in the real world so they got themselves elected to the public feed pen and spend the remainder of their days sitting around spending the county’s money and putting a few extra dollars in their own pockets. They are the single most powerful and the most corruptible elected job in the state of Texas.
Needless to say, they are owned by developers and people who want cushy overpaid non-bid county contracts. But, I’m getting off the topic here. You just say Commissioners Court, and I start shaking so badly that I could thread a sewing machine when it’s running.
So the Williamson County Commissioners begin the interview process for the new constable.
No wait, interview process is not the right word. The word I am looking for is … uh, hummm … oh yeah, freekin’ inquisition.
They interviewed five candidates. And the questions they asked those candidates during the interviews raised eyebrows.
“Was I for gay marriage or against gay marriage?” former candidate Robert Lloyd said he was asked. “The next question was, what was my thoughts on abortion? Was I pro-life or pro-choice?”
Well, raised eyebrows is not the right word. The right word would be … stirred enough crap to float three outhouses down the Brazos River. A damn constable does not marry people or enforce abortion restrictions.
Article 1 of the Texas Bill of Rights states, “No religious test shall ever be required as a qualification to any office, or public trust, in this State”
Well, except for constable in Williamson county.
Every civil rights leader, legal scholar, and real Texan is mad as a wet hen about this. There were five people interviewed, all with decades of law enforcement experience, ready and willing to take the $72,000 a year job and it boils down to gay marriage and abortion. I guess I’m kinda surprised that they weren’t asked if they hated Barack Obama enough to go to Washington DeeCee and serve eviction papers on him.
But here’s where the story gets funny.
Even after all that crap stompin’, violations of the law, and grandstanding, do you wanna know who the commissioners choose?
After asking about gay marriage, abortion and religion, commissioners unanimously appointed Kevin Stofle, a former assistant chief with the Georgetown Police Department.
Stofle does have decades of law enforcement experience, but he also has family ties to the commissioners court. His brother-in-law, Hal Hawes is the commissioners’ attorney. Hawes’ wife is still registered as the creator of the website www.kevinstofle.com.
But Commissioner Covey says that had nothing to do with the decision to appoint Stofle.
A good-ole-boy. A brother-in-law. So they are against gay marriage and abortion, but they all dandy with incest.
So they hired the brother-in-law of the man who gives them legal advice. Honey, if that ain’t a bucket full of irony, I’ll dance on Main street with Grandma’s broom.
Thanks to Jimbo for the heads up.
hmmm….in FL, we call it an election..
1Who knew?
Tom Bass said commissioner’s court was the last stronghold of the spoils system in the county. They do pretty much what they please.
2I think the word you were looking for is “nepotism”.
3Incest implies something far more inappropriate. But thank you for pointing this up. We’ll be looking into a couple of Commissioner races in WillCo.
I know you don’t make this stuff up. Nobody could.
But…… Good Grief!
4No, Robert, I meant incest. I think putting your brother-in-law on the public teat is pretty damn appropriate. And since the county commissioners there seem to be far more concerned with s-e-x and female plumbing than is in any way, shape, or form appropriate, I thought it was the perfect word to use.
5Sex, sex and more sex? You trying to tell us they are all Republicans?
Shucks, in Louisiana they use “deputy” sheriffs. These deputies are often retirees and all they do is something similar to delivering mail. Now in Big LA there are actually some softhearted deputies who will when delivering bad news to people will also give them some advice on where to go to get a pro bono attorney. Is that even a little different than
6TX?
At least there is experience on all the candidates, now. At one time, brother-in-law was plenty.
7At least the guy is an experienced brother-in-law.
8You are on a roll today, Juanita. I like it!
9When I ran unsuccessfully for school board one of the voters asked me if I was pro-life, I couldn’t understand what that had to do with education. Some people are just nuts.
10Such a can o worms.
11I will say there is an art to throwing widows and orphans out of their rented homes onto the streets successfully so the owner gets his property back and the deputy constable doesn’t get shot up by an irate widow or orphan. Being a GOB and somebody’s BIL doesn’t usually provide sufficient background in such and cities in Texas don’t have civil jurisdiction so city police never experience the joy of serviing civil papers and class C misdemeanor warrants.
Yeah that’s all good and $72k to boot…
More wingnut welfare.
12Since I live in Williamson County wanted to read your take. You were spot on – and hilarious. BTW, shared this piece on the Williamson County Democrats FB Page…hoping you will get more Beauty Shop Groupies from WilCo.
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