“I think we in this area of Texas have some sort of magic hold on goofy candidates,” Juanita suspects.

“I told you about Kesha Rogers and her Caca del Toro campaign for Congressional District 22” she continues, “but I haven’t gotten around to one of the other Democratic candidates, Rev. Freddie John Weider.  CD22 is Tom DeLay’s old district.”

“Rev. Freddie John has remained under my radar for the past few months after I blew up at him for all his illegal campaign signs placed high on telephone poles in low income neighborhoods,” she says while tossing back a big chug on an afternoon cup of coffee.  Juanita has, of course, a leopard print coffee mug.  You probably don’t.

But, it appears that Rev. Freddie John, along with all his Jeeee-suh Wants You To Do What I Say campaign platform, has earned his way back into Juanita’s front parlor.

“Lookie here,” she grins.  “Rev. Freddie John is all over social media.  He even posted today on Facebook at the Brazoria County Democratic Party fan page.  I’m gonna print it out and hang it up here on the bulletin board —

Hello, I have received several endorsements in the past few days but an agreement was reached to keep them secret to the ballot box. I know there were other endorsements that my opponent wanted, but was turned down. I am included in a money bomb today and anyone wanting to donate can go to ACT BLUE and donate if you wa…nt to be included in todays total. The money bomb runs till midnight tonight. One of my campaign advisors has uncovered some distrubing news about both people that are running against me. I am not interested in personal attacks but I do not have control over what someone else wants to do or does. Also many of our signs are disappearing and I would hope that it is not fellow democrats that are doing it.

Secret endorsements.

No, seriously.  Secret endorsements.  This dude has secret endorsements.

“Well, don’t that just jar your preserves?” Juanita wants to know.  “I mean, until this very moment I thought the word endorsement actually meant being public about your support.  Can’t you just see his endorsement list?  Forty five listings of ‘Anonymous,’ God, and his mother.  Unless, of course, God and his mother would prefer to stay anonymous, too, which is probably pretty darn likely.”

“And then in true Christian fashion, he tells you that he knows all manner of evil, kinky, and maybe even drunken brawl stuff about his opponents, but he’s not going to be a bad man and give specifics.  No, sirreeee, not a good Christian like him.  Rev. Freddie John is gonna let you use your evil imagination to dream up what his opponents are doing to shame themselves.”

Juanita adds another packet of sugar to her coffee and says, “Yep, Texas CD22 is a crazy magnet.”

.