Odd paragraph in a news story this afternoon —

Newt Gingrich stepped out of church Sunday morning and launched some of his most vitriolic attacks on Mitt Romney to date in the Republican primary, seeking to recover lost ground in the polls two days before primary voting ends here on Tuesday.

Does he think Sweet Jesus quits listening once you walk out of church?  Does he think those statues in church really are Sweet Jesus so he can’t hear or see you once you scamper out that door?  After you leave all you gotta do is avoid the Baptists at the liquor store and the Catholics at the abortion clinics?  Is that what he thinks?

Then I read on and found out that Newt the neo-Catholic went to church at Exciting Idlewild Baptist Church – no seriously, Exciting is in their name because apparently if your church isn’t exciting, what the hell is it?  I mean, who would want to go to The Pensive and Thoughtful Episcopal Church or even the Ecclesiastical Liturgy Lutheran Assembly?  Boooooring.  And God bless ya if you go to Our Lady of Perpetual Virginity – where, of course, Newt has been banned.

And you certainly want to pick a church where you bounce out the door shouting vitriol, name calling, and hogging all the nasty right there on the front lawn.   You want people to know, dammit:  This is the new kind of Jesus.  This ain’t the Sweet Jesus, this is the Combat Jesus.

Which brings me to a theory I have.

I think most Republicans know that beating President Obama is going to be like trying to pole vault with a pitchfork.  It just ain’t gonna happen.  Knowing that, they are going to settle for second best:  beating up on him like a rented mule during the campaign.  They just want a candidate who can beat him at debating, slap him silly, and maybe – with any luck at all – slip and call him the N word for them.  So, they’re voting for a volatile  southern boy who looks like he’s said the N word whether he ever has or not.  They just want Newt to play nasty.

They thought they had their boy in Rick Perry because that sucker will stand on the churchhouse steps, clutching his Bible to his chest, and say, “Adios, Mofo”  without pausing a lick.  But, goodness, he was dumber than a sack of hammers and probably couldn’t remember all three of Obama’s names, when the damn Hussein is the important one.

Mitt Romney is a sissy.  They know that. Gosh, even Mitt knows that.  Hides his money in Swiss banks.  Heck, if he had any guts, he’d carry it in his pockets and dare you to touch it.

They’re not aiming to beat President Obama at the polls.  They want to beat him in a street fight.  They don’t want another wimpy John McCain, who said that Barack Obama wasn’t a Muslim.  They want to go for blood.

That’s just my theory, but it’s a good one.

Good luck with that, Newt.

It takes a cold blooded man to send in Seal Team Six.  I wouldn’t mess with him.  Pudgy Boy ain’t even gonna see it coming.