I have been talking about Donald Trump far too much considering that the alternative is worse – Ted Cruz.

We do not cotton to people having sex toys in Texas.  In 2003, a mother was arrested by undercover agents for hosting a “passion party” where devices of a sexual nature were being sold to women in the privacy of their homes, kinda like Tupperware.  The State of Texas considers lady parties to be obscene.

At the time all this was happening, Ted Cruz was the Solicitor General of Texas.  That means he defends the state in lawsuits.

Ancient warriors threw spears at each other.  Lawyers replicate that by throwing paper at each other.  Court files can grow so large that they need a dolly to carry them around, and this case was no different.

The case Cruz argued to the courts had this as its central theme:

“There is no substantive-due-process right to stimulate one’s genitals for non-medical purposes unrelated to procreation or outside of an interpersonal relationship.”

There was a “government” interest, it maintained, in “discouraging…autonomous sex.”

So the pursuit of happiness does not cover masturbation, and the police could barge in your home at any time to see what your hand is doing.

Texas’ policy at the time was that you could own a sex toy but you couldn’t buy one.  If that law had been upheld, sex toy craft classes would have had their own HGTV show.

The courts have overruled Cruz’s argument but that’s when Texas women decided that Ted Cruz was our dildo.

Thanks to Ralph for the heads up.

Ted’s college roommate replied on Twitter —